If purchasing isn't ownership, then piracy isn't theft

If i won the lottery, I wouldn't tell anyone, but there would be signs (Elkay EZ H2O in the garage)

If Hillary had won, we'd all be at brunch right now

Crowning my hot dog with a perfect fibonacci spiral of mustard

The first ICBM completely powered by AI. Can’t override this thing even if we wanted to,

I don't understand how anyone can watch how blatantly Grok is manipulated to answer the way ownership desires it to and then act like the other LLM chatbots couldn't possibly be similarly but less obviously compromised to produce responses in whatever way corporate interests and priorities dictate.

The reason chefs are obsessed with instant noodles is because they are a perfect food

I’m not telling you to turn yourself Chinese. I am simply informing you that one day you will look at your table condiments and realise that you are already Chinese.

One of the most dangerous types of person in civic life is the rich guy (and it's almost always a guy) who thinks that they have expertise on all matters because they're rich.

i play video games but im over 40 so it's just: Chrono Trigger -> janky 20th century crpg -> Morrowind -> janky itch dot io game -> Transport Tycoon Deluxe -> walking simulator -> Chrono Trigger and it's marvelous

Imagine chipping one of those bad boys into a topo chico on a warm summer day

Your cards when you keep a two-land hand, then proceed to not draw lands:

I used AI to generate a photo of senpai noticing me. The future is amazing

im gonna run this mcdonalds like its the navy. completely submerged in water.

interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years me: i did not purposefully kill my friend during a 1992 caving expedition. it was an accident

(character in a netflix show) well here we are, at the abandoned mall. if that mysterious phone call we got earlier was right, we'll find the key that opens that safe we found out contains a map we need, in order to locate a device which, you'll recall, could be the cause of recent events, such as t

If someone is renting working poor there's this expectation of financial responsibility like oh you bought a starbucks? How dare you. But if someone has a house they're fine to buy a land cruiser and a boat and then heloc the house for a new roof. Rock on, brother

Tech is still trying to make products it thinks people want, but the corrosive effects of vast wealth accumulation has left those at the helm incapable of experiencing normal human feelings. Which is how we get things like "chatbot that says you're very cool and loves you"

God damnit is Donald Fagen in there Well, Okay maybe there were hints

Yes. Sadly when not in use the Shriner exists in potentia within a separate and timeless domain of phase space. He puts on a brave face but experts believe that based on his rate of aging and the age of the vehicle that he’s lived in absolute solitude for the much of the last 30 years.

Developing a parasocial relationship with a twitch streamer who hates all their followers

Thinking so hard about getting McDonald's that if I were thinking about drinking that way, I would have called my sponsor by now

Making it as an electrician is all about your connections #joke

I'm doing major kitchen remodel this week, my lawyer said I'm not legally responsible for my posts rn

What if you knew somebody who used zelle

Just had a good idea. What if we took something people need to live and hoard it. And then use that hoard to enrich ourselves beyond measure

i recognize as i stand over the ten barrels of expired whey protein i ordered for cheap, attempting to gouge a stubborn sliver out of my hand with a kitchen knife because the tweezers are "all the way upstairs", that I'm an absurd person at times. but i like to think that i'm living "mas"

when will the lesson finally get learned? #cloudflare

I don’t want to seem out of touch but I don’t actually understand the economy anymore.

😭😭😭

I am a self-employed handyman and you might be terrified to learn how often I brush up on a topic on youtube right before rolling into a house and acting like an expert. Hell of a grift, man, hell of a grift

Retailers have been testing the waters of expanding Black Friday even further. They're calling it "Black Q4". Three whole months of sales

This has been calculated to somehow make every single person in the country upset

It’s not Friendsgiving two weeks early. You’re just having dinner

(Bragging about my new washing machine) it's from 2004, and it has sooo few features

Grandparents who aren't online and who don't have cable are a blessing.

(spending 9 billion dollars to make a robot say "i have always loved you") hard times create strong men

The pump failed on my orange pumice hand cleaner so I bought another orange pumice hand cleaner to use that pump to finish off the old one and I fear this may become an ongoing problem

we all got that one homie who's drawn in a different art style

"Green Goddess" bro chill it's a salad dressing 😂

I want a little "certified 100% AI-free" emblem for video game titles

i think they should make a law that anything using AI is labeled as such. i just don't trust anything on YouTube etc anymore. im just not interested in a machine putting words or images together. life's too short for all that

This is a Stanley Steelmaster appreciation post. I have used this same hammer for my entire adult life. About 20 years. My dad gifted it to me, so hard to say how long it's truly lasted

where were you when the empire revolted. i was in a tavern in garreg mach town drunk as a skunk and wearing my tightest white undershirt. seteth said it was “unbecoming of our chief golem mechanic” to have to be rolled back to the garage but it was my day off, how was i to know there’d be a war on

Biggest green light in a marriage is a partner who's enthusiastic about old reliable appliances

RPG VILLAGER: we fuckin told you not to go searching for the Tome because soldiers from Krondaria would march and slaughter us all (fulfilling the prophecy btw) and guess what you did and guess what happened ME: but look, im really sorry

Sometimes I like to block the accounts that are just like "now listening:"

every time you zoom into something on google maps there should be a soft and distant hawk scream