stopping everything to concentrate real hard on this Drive Like Jehu song

Ciao, Homebrother

baseball fans crying about strike zone stuff is so god damn annoying. grow up!

that's it, the socks are coming off!

i wish i was someone's tiny wife who lived in their pocket and they slipped me little bits of cookie and maybe a pepperoni off of their pizza

relaxing with a tall boy

about 20 years ago me and my friends broke into an old abandoned hospital in my crappy college town for Halloween and walked around in the dark and decay. nothing inexplicable happened but it was a weird experience.

doing urban exploration in my neighbor's apartment

I had to call my mom about my whole job situation and I thought maybe enough time had passed since That Big News Event a few weeks ago that I wouldn't have to hear her bad opinions on that but... nope, not enough time had passed

I don't care how many loads an actress has taken

I have. a headache and I know what I did to deserve it

it’s time to introduce the fiercest known predator of the millennial fluent-in-sarcasm #girlboss.., the dreaded Gen Z boss and her mini

It’s my friend Claire’s birthday today. She’s probably the nicest person in the world. She has a great sense of humor and shiny dark hair. You don’t know Claire, but I promise you’d like her. Happy birthday, Claire!

We’re getting rid of leaf blowers by eating 50 leaves a day each. Get out there

not wearing any pants (trousers) but you can’t tell

"It's nothing." - The Trivialiser

went on a walk and didn't even get that mad at the world

MEMPHIS—An unmarked law enforcement SUV caused a three-vehicle crash while chasing another vehicle through an intersection in Frayser. The unmarked vehicle had its blue lights on but did not have sirens on when it entered the intersection. wreg.com/news/local/u...

hanging out, drinking coffee, not really watching whatever dumb shit is on the 'SYFY' channel. no job day no. 2

putting a sign up in my front yard clarifying that none of the ghosts and skeletons in my Halloween decorations died from natural causes, all the deaths were fucked up and horrible to witness

it was cold as FUCK this morning

online used to be so good

eating mutagens

According to Pliny the Elder, if a woman was on a ship, and she stripped herself naked, she could lull a storm at sea.[49]

CEO foaming at the mouth as she lurks the posts of people funnier than her with sub 1k followers

wait I should look up if I can do drugs now

hey man I don't want to stress you out but the rest of the hands are all calling you a Jonah

they figured out a way to make stickers shiny

kind of relieved I don't have to pay attention to anything Bill Burr says ever again

I thought Jane Goodall died like 20+ years ago

You’re a bratwurst girl in a hot dog world babe

a cool phenomenon is when you're watching a movie and you're like "oh ya I forgot about this part because it's dumb and sucks" brain just edits that right on out of your memory the moment you're done watching it. well done, cheers

Circle K has what can only be described as “Saints Row Food”

please god do not make me look for members of my party in our "camp"

I was thinking about going out for a nice lunch since it’s a beautiful day and I’m not at work but honestly I just feel kinda sick and bad!

whoops that escaped containment faster than expected

now I wonder what it says lol

it is important to me that machines feel pain

my aunt is telling me about a website via text and rather than a url or screenshot sent a 'live' photo of her drunk friend holding up her own phone to show the website

Guess I have to save this to refer back to. Wish they could just make things easy for a consumer

I guess I better check my emails

asking for a free sample of toothpaste at the grocery store

HR 5371 fails

WE'RE DOG

Oh, i guess this is announced!

hmm

sometimes I think about my ancestors who left England to sail across the Atlantic is some rickety-ass ship in the 17th/18th Century and think… damn, everyone in their old village must have *hated* their asses

glad I’m not in Nashville for this