Guy who’s stuck in tar: (feeling the tar) hmm . good tar today

Wooly Mammoth experiencing Tar Lifestyle culture shock

New guy: ( gets stuck in the tar) Me: (up to my neck in tar) welcome to the tar my man !

measuring a clown’s funny bone with calipers

I like that tar is a horrible reeking bubbling thick black goo. If I came across that, sure yeah, I’d put a foot in, see what’s what. See if it has good foot feel

Getting stuck in tar head first

(Stuck in tar up to my neck, watching a mammoth nearby struggle to get out ) Lol buddy, cope much 😏? Just accept the tar

If I was stuck in sinking tar, I would just change my whole lifestyle to adjust to tar culture

My clones hate when I harvest their organs, and more nuts jokes

Guy who short sold hot cakes. One-liners with Tourette's

Picasso was living in Nazi occupied Paris. A Gestapo officer harassed him and searched his apartment. He found a photo of the mural 'Guernica' and asked, “Did you do that?” “Yeppers :3,” Picasso replied, “Prints are $45

Milking your prostate should create a separate substance called Butt Cum

A butterfly egg is sort of like the cocoon from which a beautiful caterpillar emerges

Dinosaur bones are likely what made ancient people think of dragons. So they probably weren’t even that surprised when they found actual dragon bones

Guy who is being evil: Well what is "evil"

Spy with a hidden capsule in their teeth containing a tooth in case they need to chew something

Reptile house with a sign on the wall that tells you all the similarities between crocodile and alligators, but none of their differences

Mailmen should get free mail

There’s no way pi is infinite . Circles usually aren’t even that big

If you torture animals as a kid, you’re more likely to grow up to be a serial killer. If you torture animals as an adult, you’re all good. Brain is done cooking

If poop were a sort of living bug that crawled out of your hole, toilet water would probably be scalding hot, so as to kill it quickly

All dogs go to heaven. That's why, right before I die, I'm going to graft a bunch of dogs to my body

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a skeleton army is a good guy with a skeleton army

The gift horse saying and the Trojan horse legend give us conflicting perspectives on whether or not to check the insides of a free horse

Here's what's next 🦋

Actually Mr. Peterson, it’s better to live in muck and filth under a rock than to have a clean room. Consider the lobster,

Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Steve from Blue's Clues were both hanging out with a dog and solving mysteries. But with very different relationships to food...

The dune spice as a character on Blues Clues yelling at the mailbox with the command voice to make it report tomorrow’s mail

If the poop doctor asked for a urine sample, I’d be like. Oh so you were a dual major?

I have a new Tourette’s tic where I move things with my mind

I don’t think the ring even suits Sméagol's vibe. I think he’d be much better off with like a silver necklace that says Gemini

(Holding a card with this scale to your head) Sorry pal. You gotta be a Norwood 3 or up to feed the ducks with us

My buddy came out of the womb flavor blasted

Water cooler talk with your new AI coworker: “Did you watch Severance - whoaaa slow down on the cooler there pal”

Dude, just carve a perfect spear of rhetoric that will pierce the mind of culture

When the doctor asks for a urine sample, I always feel forced to give them my most recent stuff, instead my best work

If I was a tree, I would use my mycelium network to spread vicious lies for clout

Shaggy from Scooby Doo and Steve from Blue's Clues were both hanging out with a dog and solving mysteries. But with very different relationships to food...

I feel like once every six months, I see a video that’s like “wind turbines are actually better if they look like this” and it’s like a tube or a snake or a cube or a wave or some shit and it’s like. Okay do that then

Sometimes you won’t like someone subconsciously because of their pheromones. And it’s like sorry, but you were infrared stinky

Guy who short sold hot cakes: no no no no no no no

Lice are like bed bugs that specialize in the pillow region

Please watch this it’s so fucking funny

Loyalty Cream

working on an ai robot that can weld just to fuck with everyone’s backup job plan

What if the most interesting part of the podcast IS right up top - are you still going to play that clip right before the actual podcast starts

I technically have an n-word pass. Not because of the Tourette’s, but because of my good standing with the community

Not letting me make a clone army is low key eugenics …

My AI girlfriend could beat up your AI girlfriend

Where I’m from, we have a third thing besides the sun and the moon that comes out at dayight