Benny Feldman
@feldfrog.bsky.social
📤 5120
📥 255
📝 1479
👽🤝🦋🤝🐸 bennyfeld.com
I threw my clock at the wall and it shattered everywhere into a thousand bits and pieces. But hey, you know what they say, a broken clock is right twice at day
2 days ago
1
42
4
You should be able to do friendly fire in chess. This pawn is in the goddamn way of my master plan
2 days ago
7
148
8
The Dow Jones moved on the Z-index for the first time
loading . . .
4 days ago
0
73
7
Werner Herzog talking about Crazy Frog
loading . . .
15 days ago
2
85
12
a rain scented candle is fire doing a racist impression of water
17 days ago
1
112
8
Alright pal. That does it. Now you’re fucking with some wet ass pussy
17 days ago
2
62
4
That’s weird. I could have sworn it went back and forth between Berenstein Bears and Berenstain Bears rapidly every time you checked
17 days ago
1
45
3
Hey man, excuse me, is this the line to kiss the bride?
24 days ago
0
59
1
Ernest Hemmingway if he never got famous: Write Drunk, Edit Drunk
24 days ago
0
32
2
Two paths diverged in the woods. and I was like, ooo what's this woods about
24 days ago
3
84
3
Martial arts movies show early on that the characters have hands. Once you see hands on screen, you know they will definitely be used to fight. This is called "Chekov's Hands"
24 days ago
1
134
14
What if a cop tasered a guy, but it hits him perfectly in his skull in a way that gives him electroshock therapy, so now he is cured of his criminal ways
24 days ago
2
59
2
What happens to a dream deferred? Does it shrivel up, like an object under my patented shrivel ray
24 days ago
1
65
10
People always talk about how popsicles barely look like the characters, but they don't even taste like them at all
24 days ago
1
51
4
If I had an alien suspended in goo in a big tank, I would decorate it with rainbow gravel and little plastic spaceships
24 days ago
1
51
4
Set lasers to stun to death
25 days ago
0
83
10
horror movie where the bad guy is a metaphor for getting stabbed
25 days ago
1
96
14
Kids these days get their whole personality from the phone. Back in my day we got it from the tv
25 days ago
2
164
14
Embroidery is 2D origami . Folding a line
25 days ago
0
31
0
Beauty and Morality
loading . . .
26 days ago
1
76
8
that's just how I used to pronounce that name as a kid
26 days ago
0
58
0
Brace Belden ran away from Highschool and got caught fingering a girl
loading . . .
28 days ago
2
31
0
I get no respect at all. I asked my wife if she was free tonight, she said, let me ask my primary partner
28 days ago
0
76
15
They're letting me do New Zealand for some reason
29 days ago
2
60
5
Cloning my dog but this time giving it plus 50 armor against vehicle damage
about 1 month ago
3
89
7
Shen Yun 2: Communism
about 1 month ago
0
77
7
If you only spend your time playing chess, that’s like living a life where you’ve only activated a bishop
about 1 month ago
0
26
0
One of the biggest joke writing mistakes I see new comedians make is not making the punchline funny as heck
about 1 month ago
5
77
3
You can't trust anybody. People will poop with one hole and then pee with the other
about 1 month ago
1
72
8
reposted by
Benny Feldman
Rogan: Did you see the video about the light skin strawberry who cheated with the yellow banana Jamie: I’m pretty sure that’s AI Gillis: hoooo gotta watch out for those shifty *asian voice* banana Normand: light skin light peel ! Comedy! Ari Shaffir: I ate a moldy banana once
about 1 month ago
0
48
4
Me: Thank you for having me on Joe. I’m excited to have a good faith conversation about the issues of today Rogan: (remembering that he’s bought for 250 million dollars by Spotify, backed by Peter Thiel ) It’s just crazy all the Trans stuff
about 1 month ago
1
47
2
"Is your dog friendly?" "He's dark woke"
about 1 month ago
0
95
14
Small amounts of money are great for things like rice and beans to stay alive . Huge amounts of money are great for things like having your every perversion gratified
about 1 month ago
0
61
2
My AI work wife keeps hallucinating incorrect facts, like the idea that we aren’t meant for each other
about 1 month ago
0
55
5
Poop is the vomit you couldn’t throw up 💪
about 1 month ago
4
127
6
Gnomes are very smart despite being very tiny. Phrenologists would love to study their skulls, but the gnomes won't let them - They wear the pointy hat as a deterrent
about 1 month ago
0
59
2
reposted by
Benny Feldman
Anyway . Israel is being evil tho , don’t get me wrong, free Palestine, I’m not Zionist. I just think this is relevant to the broader idea of Nazism
about 1 month ago
1
19
1
The state of Israel should move around the Middle East constantly like a dvd logo, bouncing when it hits bodies of water
about 1 month ago
1
28
0
Jews push the boundaries of hat size in both directions
about 1 month ago
0
41
0
People conflate beauty & morality . I truly think that Orthodox Jews do aesthetic stuff that look bad. Teens not shaving their dogshit beards ? That’s universally cringe. Payot hair is acquired taste lmao. Imagine if the aesthetic rules were swole and wear colorful beads! Not their job to change tho
about 1 month ago
1
14
0
I’m pretty bad at multitasking but I’ve made my podcast arts and crafts, so now I’m just sort of sitting in silence across from people I’m supposed to be interviewing. Like if they just ate the wings on hot ones
about 1 month ago
1
28
0
Years ago , I was seeing this girl who was seeing six other guys at the same time. And I was like , well we should make jackets
about 1 month ago
3
74
3
Doctor Ratatouille
loading . . .
about 1 month ago
2
79
10
Dude, thank you for DM’ing me that dogshit pun you wrote for me to use in my act. This is how I get my jokes. I’m going to use it as my closer and credit you on stage. Let’s hang out in real life sometime my guy
about 1 month ago
1
76
0
The jokes on popsicle sticks are usually silly puns. They should have popsicles with alt comedy. The same pun but it means it ironically
about 1 month ago
0
48
0
Snapple makes a fortune cookie flavored popsicle. The stick has a funny fact that will happen to you
about 1 month ago
2
34
2
A scoop of vanilla ice cream is an uncrustable ice cream sandwich
about 1 month ago
2
43
3
As a kid, I wasn’t allowed to touch the hot stove with my bare hands. But now I get to do it whenever I want
about 1 month ago
0
196
32
(Seeing a weird traffic light ) that’s the type of shit that had Geo guessing
about 1 month ago
1
54
2
The United States is in flailing late stage capitalism, rotting empire, but luckily it is in the early stages of Benny World
about 1 month ago
1
78
6
Load more
feeds!
log in