“its just you and me against the world, babygirl” - me to my weighted blanket

i let AI write all my bad posts. the good ones are done by me though

Nancy Pelosi’s trades over the years have been so good that a startup was created to allow investors to directly mirror her portfolio.

me flirting:

yeah i got “prostatitis” it’s called not cumming my brains out right this second

straight up British Museum type shit

[gets arrested] Me: [lifts up testicles, crouches, spreads cheeks, coughs] My god this is so demeaning Cop: We didn't ask you to do any of that

AI Generated?

every picture of kash patel looks like he has to check his underwear right afterwards

amazing how much easier it is to put away groceries when there isn’t a bunch of bullshit filling up one’s freezer

while i have your attention

Been listening to Amira Elfeky last few days and it feels like first hearing Evanescence in 2003

Heimlich never saw a penny for his maneuver. But he didn't do it for the money. He did it to hump people

going home between events is so dangerous bc all of a sudden you’re pantsless and lying on your bed scrolling and you’ll never leave home again

this one’s for all the adhd heads

on a cold, dark night, you can sometimes still hear the “gluck gluck” sounds floating on the wind

mr gorbachev, put a gloryhole in this wall

Is that a forbidden fruit or a bible snake in your pants

looks like she probably snuck in via seeming normal at first glance and folks being willing to follow back. in any case, I have lots of mutuals with this trash. Check and see if you might be following without realizing what she really is.

bluesky branding refresh unveiled

how about we remind the mods of this one eh

hell yeah this is sick

i’m such a dipshit lol

LOGGING ON

ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to circle the block for parking

now THAT’S retro!

I guess I need to apologize to the writers of Alien: Prometheus. it turns out scientists really do touch everything like that

bovril lavigne is this anything

the concept of time sucks

I can’t believe Zohran is transing the trains already www.mta.info/article/f-m-...

COKE: is pepsi okay DR PEPPER: *removes surgical mask* we did everything we could

I dropped 75lbs on jenny craig and she died

I think we need to stop calling it empathy and go back to calling it decency. It isn't a favour you're doing someone else, it's you proving that you aren't a fucking ghoul

please... my dopamine receptors. they're dying

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hi everyone i made this picture for this web site blue sky dot com i hope you all like and/or enjoy it xoxo jeff

"god forbid a man has a hobby" yes i do forbid that. get back to work.

I am constantly thinking about the Roman empire. specifically that one guy who died jerking off in Pompeii

sorry I gotta run, gotta get to the office before I shit myself

This is what they took from you

i just think that if I was a small rodent that lived in a hollow tree stump, things might be better

people will blame this on social media and the influencer attention economy, and they share fault, but this is a problem created by newsdesks chasing impartiality over facts, and then at the same time, somehow casting op-ed writers as journalists. they blurred the lines and bad actors took advantage

the head is the foot of the dongus

how your email finds me

ALWAYS courtesy like even if it’s a skeet about skeeting