hey i want to manufacture some outrage too

President Fuckwit says he may punish Americans with tariffs if they don't back the U.S. controlling Greenland There, fixed it for you, AP

your hunger's only simulated, little Billy. now get back to work

Subtweeting the pantsload-in-chief.

*blends vodka with a Lean Cuisine and calls it a 'lean cuisini'*

War is small dick energy

this is the worst fucking advice column ever

Missed connections: I was doing kegels while buttering my bagel. You made a perfect tufted titmouse call when the barista asked if you wanted room for cream 🤙🏽

We're gonna need a bigger timeline cleanse

When IT happens, how long do you think they'll try to hide it before it's leaked

Change is easy. Smile, nod and then keep doing your own thing.

how dare you mind your own business

Literally Gavin Newsom's, Tim Walz', J.B Pritzker's worst fear:

they should have titled them: Scream Screeam Screeeam Screeeeam Screeeeeam Screeeeeeam Screeeeeeeam

rise and shine buttercup, a new day of treachery awaits

Kinda miss the days of *taps mic* is this thing on?

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to share my comfy crypt with me.

Murder, She Spelled Out With Magnets On the Refrigerator

CLOSE ALL OF THOSE BROWSER TABS YOU SICK SON OF A BITCH

reaching my hand above the soil to tickle your feet

posting is my procrastination style

I love how the word ostentatious is a great example of itself

good morning. eat an oligarch

Dr Manhattan. It is 6:01am in Indiana. A woman is microwaving a Lean Cuisine. It is 6:04am. It is 6:04. A woman says "Shit i forgot the damn slit." as she sips coffee already too cold. It is 6:06. The microwave beep startles her. She peels back the plastic and stirs it with her coffee spoon.

21-year-old activist injured by ICE: I will be blind for life. I have fractures in my skull that they can't fix. They pulled a piece of plastic the size of a nickel out of my eye. I had shards of metal, glass, and plastic behind my eye and in my skull. They said it was a miracle I survived.

Dropkick Murphys are releasing a new song called "Citizen I.C.E." The lyrics go: "Too scared to join the military/ Too dumb to be a cop." consequence.net/2026/01/drop...

“As a reasonable centrist, I think the paramilitary death squads need better training.”

only in this dumbass country

Walz: "What's happening in MN defies belief. News reports simply don't do justice to the level of chaos & disruption & trauma the federal govt is raining down... This long ago stopped being a matter of immigration enforcement. Instead, it's a campaign of organized brutality against the people of MN"

Me and who?

The American people want the Epstein Files, not Greenland.

I am highly allergic to being in situations

I accidentally got too good at secrets and started keeping them from myself

bro

The private companies and contractors, like Palantir, which support ICE operations should be protested as well. These companies, and their employees, have important power and responsibility as citizens. We should remind them of that.

It was hard to get out of bed today. And hard to leave the house. And hard to leave the school parking lot. And hard to get out of the car at work. What I’m saying is I’ve already accomplished so much, the rest of the day is a wash.

jesus take the wheel. easter bunny you're on snacks. and the leprechaun is in charge of the tunes

The company I work for blocked ChatGPT and watching people think in real time is genuinely frightening.

i'm up early and that's everyone's problem

It’s Fascism, Charlie Brown

ICE Shoots Projectile and Takes Out Kid’s Eye Surgeons spent six hours removing shards of glass, plastic, and metal from his face. Unfortunately, the damage to his left eye was irreversible. Second kid in the video, shot point-blank in the face.

awake again

the unexpected warm weather is no reason to bring the jorts out of hiding. stand down

"Somehow, despite never submitting any of the paperwork they sent me—not the background check or identification info, not the domestic violence affidavit, none of it—ICE had apparently offered me a job." slate.com/news-and-pol...

I'm not alone. I have forever chemicals

My favorite bath bomb is a toaster.

You used your phone 1.2 hours less than last week, but still 34 hours more than should have been humanly possible.