when u live in socal and temps drop below 50°F

I can't join ICE because cosplay isn't really my thing.

downloading some gigglebytes

No, wait, don't like that post. Like the good one

I swung my coat with so much gusto that I took down a ficus tree and an elderly couple.

@grrreee.bsky.social nice profile banner pic!

So many of our problems could have been avoided if a lot more white women swallowed

be like cat

life moves pretty fast. if you don’t stop and smell your fingers once in a while how will you know if you made the right decision or not?

We're gonna need a bigger timeline cleanse

Believe it or not, screwing employees over isn't actually private equity's job. It's more like their passion.

maybe the real treasure was the Nobel Peace Prizes we gave away to a wannabe autocrat in exchange for foreign support along the way

i like band names that describe the source of most problems in this world Insecure Men - Cleaning Bricks #music

dont want no captain crunch dont want no raisin bran

too old to be a hustler, too young to be some weird rich guy with father issues elderly man sugar baby 😔

On the day after the US takes over and Air Force One is landing at the US base, that dumbass is gonna look out the window and say, “what the fuck is this I said Greenland not Iceland you idiots”

a sextant and a sex tent are two different things so make sure to clarify before ordering

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAT

breadstick Wolverine: quit eating my claws, it takes like 4 hrs to grow fresh ones

I don't often buy tchotchkes, but when I do they're judgmental as fuck.

Grab 'em by the pussy. Quiet, piggy. Fuckin' bitch.

I'm so sorry but an autopsy is out of network and you haven't met your deductible.

If you have a twitter account I'm assuming you're also a pedophile. And since I've had enough of those in this life, I'm blocking you. Sick fucks

how cats react when it's been 10 minutes since their last meal

don't let those biscuits go to waste

lol reminded myself of the time he released an album titled "Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em"

Maybe it’s just me but, when you watch this presentation people cheer the loudest on iPod, next is phone, and least about internet communicator. And the impact was opposite of their reaction. People really didn’t know what kind of world they about to live.

19 years ago, Steve Jobs announces iPhone. "An iPod, a phone, and an internet communicator. An iPod, a phone… are you getting it?! These are not three separate devices- This is one device, and we are calling it iPhone."

It was on this day in 2001 that my wife and I did background checks on each other so we're celebrating our 25th vetting anniversary.

Dog: Time to go outside? Me: Just a minute, got to finish this email. Dog: Sure, sure take your time. (does her business by the front door) Me: … Dog: Almost done with that email?

I'm "my car stereo was stolen because I forgot to take the faceplate with me" years old

pro tip: chew your food your stomach will thank you

the emotional toll of "just one more episode" becoming "congratulations, you made it to sunrise"

hey girl, pirated movies and chill? i got the new zootopia dubbed in italian with japanese subtitles

Predator: Badlands was better than I expected and Tron: Ares was worse than I expected #LastFourWatched

Always keep a ripe avocado in one pocket and a lime in the other because you'll never know when you'll be feeling salty enough to whip up some pocket guacamole to go with the chip on your shoulder

will anything be fergalicious again

Went to the eye doctor and they dilated my eyes. Now I’m driving to work like a Beanie Boo behind the wheel.

There’s a lot of bleak news, but let’s celebrate ending the war on saturated fat.

mi gato es fato

Found your mom’s website

trying to figure out who someone is after they change their profile pic and name at the same time is what i imagine it's like to have face blindness

This is really, really great. wantmymtv.vercel.app

One of the cats will not stop jumping on the table while I puzzle, so I set this out as a warning.

Only a few understand the dopamine hit that walking into this classroom as a kid delivered.

thursday at CES energy

hmm 420 days you say www.madebyolof.com/bluesky-wrap...

How right you are, spellcheck! I was indeed trying to type "Marvel Cuneiform Universe"!

going to assume there's not a lot of overlap between Swiftie dads and MAGA dads youtu.be/R9XN1iOungs