I’m gonna fucken kill Julie

The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of Neil deGrasse Tyson

Neils in de grasse bro

Do you guys like this hog

white ppl be like cannabis is a spiritual experience

This is dedicated to the cold plums that was eaten from day one

I rescued this rhinoceros from a meaningless existence in a dark loveless drawer at my parents’

We have to go demon mode for the demon year

thi s is the demon year

Can I come over later and burrow deep into your heart and mind

for those about to grok we salute you

Come on baby light my bulb

Doing research

Tarantino's next movie should be a modern western set in 1996 called 'Deep in the Heart of Orlando' and it should get 41% on Metacritic

I mash up the dry spaghetti with a mortar and pestle so it looks like rice

Italians are so funny man. "Gahh you're not supposed to crack the dry spaghetti into 1-inch pieces, is suppose to be long noodle". How about assimilate

I can't steal my parents' HBO anymore huh. 2026 is such a fuckeng flop

[Guy who can definitely die] I can never die!!!

Roku has updated their privacy policy

My new year's resolution is to unpack my suitcase from my flight yesterday

doing a land acknowledgement recognizing the streets as the traditional stewards of my wife's body

Good news for some of yall:

woke snakeroot doing a land acknowledgment at little st james

my 2026 resolution is to become ruthless and powerful

In woke Marley & Me the dog will probably live or some shit

Hi I'm smoke too tough, swag too different, bitch is too bad

Let's get meaner and sharper and more tenacious

New Year's challenge stop being a dipshit

Is anyone around for stuff

Anacondas are just boas? What type of toads are frogs ass bull shit...

If you think you need to give a justification or any opinion at all about the price of a mayor's wife's boots, you have already lost

I have spent years working up a tolerance to develop an immunity to love

Still the yeah of the snake until Feb 17 by the way. There's still time to figure some shit out

Wife who smells like fresh-cut grass

Wife who emerged from the mud

What should be my first wikipedia of the year...

Signs and wonders are like damn... damn... damn...

Is Amal Clooney single

lol sure thing bro, go ask your jarl for permission first

This year started with a 10.5-hour sleep and instant coffee, only good things ahead

I fucking love beverages

Year of Woke

New year / change everything / fear nothing

New Year's resolution don't tweet when I have nothing to say

Eating a rotten tomato to make myself violently ill and reset the vibes heading into the new year

Hello do you wanna come over for NYE and split 6 bottles of wine and watch The Brutalist

Yes babe it's really hot that you're a lot shorter than me and I could kinda just throw you around but I can't say that without sounding like uhh. You know

New Year's resolution one of you gives me a job I like doing