[Whisper app] I love the Notes app

In a tree by the brook, there's a spongebob who sings

My brother’s friend named his kid Bob. Like it’s just a straight up baby they call Bob unironically. In 2026 that somehow feels just as performative as Zanther or whatever

What I’ve learned from TV ads is that everyone else on earth is buying a new car at all times or has moderate to severe Crohn’s disease

Do they have lesbians in Canada I’m scared

Do they have white people in Canada

I can literally sense through the screen it's been days since you guys showered

Some of yall:

Good morning

Follow my TikTok to watch me descend into madness in the breakroom

i tried self improvement for 2 hours. i am pivoting back to weed and alcohol

Lowkey I used to not understand some shit. But I get it now

i think i forgot how to shitpost

A byproduct is lowkey like a normal ass product but by

Are you seriously tubthumping at a time like this

Fuck I shoulda bought lightbulbs at Home Depot

Like this tweet if I took out butter and an egg from the fridge earlier to make cookies but forgot about that until now

The Home Depot guy who helped me for 60 seconds said he’s gonna send an email and asked me to fill out a survey giving him 5 stars. What time of whackadoodle ass world have we built bro

Money doesn’t grow on trees they said

Guys big moment for me I’m actually in the Home Depot garden section. The times I tweeted about it before this I was lying

When a lumberyard is indoor. That’s a indoor lumberyard

Calling my car good girl when it starts fine after 3.5 weeks of no use and getting a half-chub

Don't fuckeng cry for me Argentina you little bitch

Sometimes you see a dinosaur skeleton and it’s like… yeah right. Yeah fuckeng right they looked like that, animals don’t look like that. But then you look at a giraffe and you go. Arite fine never mind

Jim Morrison was an early quirked up white boy

When The Beatles said ‘I wanna hold your hand’. I felt that

When The Doors said ‘this is the end’. I felt that

I can show you a bird. Shining shimmering splendid. Tell me princess now when did you last see a cool ass bird

Mad at everything in a trendsetting and avant-garde style

So are you like... completely wedded to this manner of being? Or is there some wiggle room to change

I'm like the white Steve Irwin

french fries i love you my dearest

babe do you pledge allegiance to my vibes?

Sorry for unfollowing, your posts are fine but you didn't follow back and they're not good enough to be non-mutuals

as an American, I think there should be more burger-related snacks

Such as right now

There’s lowkey an inverse relationship between various shit and some other crap

I'm wall-to-wall raccoons

Nice decide. Lemme guess, it’s I can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid, tell me princess now when did you last let your heart? Of course

You've become corrupted by new sauces and desserts

I came here to say this. That obvious thing you said, I thought of it first or at worst same time. You were able to post it online first somehow, but yeah. Basically I thought of it first (or same time) so really those likes are mine. I should have those likes. I opened the dang replies to say this

You guys are so fucken goofy sometimes

From now on I live like the mushroom. You cannot kill me in a way that matters and so on

6 7

Hello my little dumpling

What if instead of Phantom Thread it was called Phantom Bread and it was about a guy who hallucinates bread

Flounder the fish is the right name for that creature