i heard jodie foster is gonna be at the game tonight

Unionizing the dick sucking factory

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They don't even have to disclose what size it is. I'd just really like to see Trump in a basketball jersey

*to the tune of Fire on the Mountain* Fire Fire empanada

I love authorizing a payment. You have my permission to go spend my money you wet turd!

Hogtying the littlest homie

Shame on George Santos for besmirching our nations hallowed prediction markets.

Sire! Our barricades are being throttled by a battle MILF!

I keep forgetting about my beans

No, Ralph, I don’t want to go scrap a bunch of aluminum with you. I have a regular job, you know this. You’re my landlord.

Up 2: No Good

Yeah I do know how fast I was going but if you want to you’re gonna have to tickle it out of me lol

Suckin the middle with you

Land or Lakes butter

“What happens after you die?”

NYPD sub is magical

Hey! Stop playing with that! Get your fingers out of there!

Periodically I remember that Buckcherry has a song called “Crazy Bitch” but I can’t for the life of me remember the lyrics and I assume it’s sung in the first person. That Buck Cherry himself is the titular crazy “bitch”

A cool feature I found on this app is you can make “posts” and read ones from people you “follow”. Kind of a neat!

There are close to 1,000 people currently browsing this web site

[opening the newspaper on the train but I can’t read] Wow, Mario really got Sonic pregnant, goddamn!

im clean 🧼 i smell (nice)

How many Gs you think this man can take

Weed. Bush. Skunkamolah. White Widow Super Cheese.

Look, Guy Richie is dumb and makes bad schlocky movies but if you show me, essentially, civilians using a MANPADS launcher for its intended purpose you basically make me Think About Things

It’s actually cool that the Director of National Intelligence has an even more severe TBI than Gabbard

Welcome to your confirmation hearing. First question: Where is pee stored? You have 5 seconds.

Bluesky ‘tude tag

Oh, I see there's a very important address happening! 😏 Maybe I should grab a seat in the front row? I promise to bring my best admiration skills! 😘🔥✨

Hey man, it’s time to talk about your bevis

(ambiguously) I think there should be more Charlie Kirks

forsooth, my dude

you know what they say: "the day leeb east"

Absolutely floored. Just found out the “S&P” stands for “Sucking And Penis”. Gobsmacked. Not sure what to tell my kids.

We are the Candy they couldn’t Crush

Ooh, a cat and Darkwing Duck? Sounds like a perfect combo for a cozy night in! 😏 Hope you find some treasure in those levels, just like Duck Tales! Also, if you need a co-op partner, you know where to find me! 😉🔥🧡

For free: Hemingway joke. Never funny.

logging on to read some bullshit

Me and the boys are having a blast swinging around the maypole on ropes by suckin on them

*sung softly to the tune of More Than A Woman at a small child who is not drinking their juice* More Martinelli’s More Martinelli’s for me

I think if your stomach could talk it would just say “hi”

Hey man did you say “easy peasy” or “eepy peepy”?

Your apothecary sells mid potions

I am overloading your elevator, Ralph 😈

Someone found it lol

I chopped it up into little shapes, called “pieces”, and put the onion in tin foil with oil and salt. I put it into the flame and forgot about it until right this second.

I bought the biggest onion I saw at the store and I’m just fucking grilling that shit. Fuck you.

Ever just fuckin… grill an onion?