This Christmas just hasn't been the same without another entry in the breakout Netflix franchise "Red One" that brought families together with record setting concurrent viewers in 2024. #SadToSay #ButDatsHowItIs

My kids got a triangular prism Rubik's cube and they "solved" it by somehow removing all the colored faces and reattaching them with one color on each side

My son is reading a book about a bear attack and I asked if it was in Japan but his book isn't about the Sankebetsu bear incident. It's about a different bear incident

Butternut squash...what a seasonal delight

My daughter said she liked that the boy and girl characters in zootopia 2 didn't become a couple so I went on a long lecture about how she's describing heteronormativity and it's this pervasive destructive set of expectations are prescriptive rather than descriptive. She said yeah plus it's annoying

I'm going to the store to get my kids some scratchers for Christmas. If you need something else to get mad at

God and sinners reconciled? Nah nah nah

"megachurches are shen yun for white people" is an incredible and damning true statement

I love my two blackout drunk Minnesota sons

*smashes the buzzer so hard it shatters into a million pieces* WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU’D SAY IN BED

Reddit movie discussions have the same kind of "wait why do you like this if you don't understand it at all" as Onion reply riffs but I loled at "I like the movie because it has a fantastic moon." I disagree that Pandora is one but I can agree that having a fantastic moon is important.

Trump and his guys have given us some of the best photographs of a mood I'm calling "deflated unto death." It's not suffering and it's not annoyance. It's Ben affleck cigarette as you approach the limit where your body starts breaking down from it

as a "cool uncle" i ordered my niece and nephew some art from these shops: www.inprnt.com/gallery/anya... by @anyachalina.bsky.social and from www.inprnt.com/gallery/katt... a print by @garin.bsky.social . You should check them out!

If anyone at Mixpanel wants to respond to any of the emails (including the 19+ specific questions) we've sent to CEO Jen Taylor about the company's data breach, please get in touch. You can reach me at [email protected] or email me back from any of the messages we've sent!

ill be real with you. i do not fw this

this is what I look like when I'm checking my email on another screen while I'm on a video call for work

I need an elfstone so bad I don't even care if it's from Shannara

for the love of god, Montresor, you’re going to make me cum!!!

On these dark, cold winter nights it's so nice to listen in as my children gather around the hearth to discuss how much damage different items do

Taking a sick day on Monday. I feel fine now I just anticipate being pretty run down after starting for the Colts on Sunday.

Getting a handjob while watching Sonic the Hedgehog _from_ Sonic the Hedhgehog.

Me: I have the kind of raw intelligence that makes everything in life a breeze. No big deal. Me when I see a headline that’s like, “Judge stays motion to overturn blocked ban”: Only one person could ever possibly understand what this means. I’ll give you a hint. His first name was Albert

Discovered a new way to annoy my kids today. When my teen daughter says she's not a kid I say yeah but you're still a minorrrr

I'm allergic to the bullshit and it's actually pretty debilitating. Tapas, mocktails, white elephant gift parties, Movember....it's a constant battle to manage my condition.

Something I lowkey fw is eating a big raw white mushroom. Nothing going on there taste wise, kind of a default gesture toward a texture but certainly not several. I imagine this is what it's like when a skeleton eats food and it just falls down through their bones.

i heard an ad for Palantir on a podcast and the tagline was "making Americans irreplaceable." can you guys blow the dogwhistle a little quieter, its hurting my ears.

New Mission Impossible movie is so elegiac...sorry you got tired of hang gliding....most of us don't do it that much and still think it looks fun...

I'm not usually the type to splurge on froufrou self-care but this holiday season I am LOVING the Bath & Body Works "Santa's Snickerdoodle Himalayan Sea Salt and Cinnamon Sugar Body Scrub" for cleaning out the wound where my neighbor gelded me

Having one of those days that just feels like an American canto...

i think a good name for an alt-rock band would be "Feaster." although id probably find their songs about ex-girlfriends more misogynistic than inspiring when revisited with wiser ears.

I have to admit I don't know anything about Meiko Kaji but it took me one nanosecond of looking at this image to know it was good to see, and other people should too

Meiko Kaji (梶芽衣子) in Stray Cat Rock: Machine Animal (野良猫ロック　マシン・アニマル), 1970, directed by Yasuharu Hasebe (長谷部安春). 📽️ #filmsky 🎥 #japanesefilm

Please be for real right now

I hate seeing Sam Altman

Hi everyone, check this out.

It says this account is automated but now @arr.bsky.social is posting selfies on it ?

Fuji Video Tape commercial (USA, 1989) : 15s

the other day i was searching for work by the artist i learned was named Namio Harukawa and i was surprised to see all these results describing him as a fetish artist. If getting killed by a woman sitting on your face isnt normal then what the hell are you people into?!

Looks like Costco has decided to get with the fucking program and put trail mix back with snacks instead of across the aisle with nuts. We all make mistakes the important thing is to learn from them.

(Having sex with a preternaturally beautiful woman who was overly eager to get me alone): I wonder what she's going to morph into to kill me

I think a cool subtitle for my biography would be "A Hint of Luxury." Id have to seriously upgrade my consumer habits to make that work, but I think it would be worth it

✍️ Dear American Canto, You'll never believe what happened to me today.

do crazy pills make you less or more crazy? anyway i just took a whole bottle of them.

Was Kevin Hart in the Borderlands movie? Logically, yes, but we want to answer this question empirically. Normally we would simply watch the movie and recall the information, but for this movie they disabled the ability of viewers to remember a single thing about it. Hence our dilemma...

ive got a really good idea for a song (parody of "ms jackson" about needing to take a shit right before you know a cleaner is going to arrive at your house or office) but i cant think of any of the words. ill have to come back to this over the holidays.

I think if I were announcing a new bug I'd make the slogan "back...and bugger than ever." But that's just my opinion and I know not everyone agrees of me.

i know these requests can take a while but i’m surprised i haven’t seen anyone dig through these yet. i don’t think ben rhodes would be the one losing sleep over it if someone did

I forgot that if I ever stop looking at my dog she will teleport to a low hanging ornament on the Christmas tree like when Goku gets Raditz in a full nelson

Nuzzi's shitty mixed metaphor "draw a picture of Bart Simpson with your eyes closed" writing is a classic case of "bro sounds AI"

My wife just took an old pregnancy test we didn't realize had expired during the George W. Bush presidency and her result was "Ace of ♣️: Qusay Hussein". We don't know how to read this or why the Defense department made a bunch of Iraqi Most Wanted playing card branded urine tests. Is Qusay good news