Just wowed my kids by identifying a cards name and ability despite being printed in Japanese. Arguably more impressive that it was the enchant creature "Flight" circa 4th edition.

If anyone already knows the answer to this question just say it. Otherwise let's not shit on people trying to learn new things that actually benefit all of us ?

When it comes to being venomous vs poisonous, I gotta think venomous wins. Unless a predator is about to eat you. Then I bet it feels pretty good to be poisonous. Won't help you of course but you know you'll be vindicated re: should they eat you.

Nuff said

lmao

Went to a soccer ref training yesterday where one of the trainers began by saying "it's funny we live in a time with all this anti woke BULLSHIT because everything I'm about to say is WOKE" (it was about the social emotional development of kids 8-12)

(worf voice) ICE agents are worthless despicable people, who by their choice of career have utterly disgraced themselves; there is but one honorable course of action available to them, but... (clenching teeth, visibly frustrated) i am bound by Community Guidelines, and can say no more on the matter

Hubba Hubba

Is Bart Simpson in the public domain yet? I only ask because I think "Bart simpson nachos" would be a good name for food dish. It would entice diners to wonder what that could mean and have a good time eating it.

I got a bunch of assorted MtG cards to play with the kids which of course did not include basic lands so I ordered those and sat around all day thinking "I hope the Amazon guy brings my mana soon" which really makes being a wizard sound like it sucks ass

The one that's doing my head in is "paleontologists are Epstein guys." Getting to play dinosaurs every day isn't enough for you???

A friend went round to his neighbours’ for Eid last night and apparently the wife slightly panicked about hosting white people because she disappeared for a couple of minutes and came back with half a pint of whisky for him. This, to me, is multiculturalism

Kevin O'Leary's vampire line is so affective in Marty Supreme because it is the exact kinda strange shit rich people, CEOs and founder types are always saying in 1-1 contexts

I got a notification on my watch that I had lost aura, then later that day it says there are new trends in my aura, then I get an ad on Hulu where I'm trying to watch Condom Wars to talk to my doctor about Auretzia for chronic aura loss. And I'm supposed to think that's ok. I'm paying for no ads!

His rationale: “I’m Dutch”

I did not know what "Butlerian jihad" was and assumed it referred to a critical engagement with jihad by the goat Judith Butler. And I'm quite disappointed to learn that it's not

time to address the elephant sized plot hole in the room: why are there no robots or computers in the dune movies. isnt it supposed to be sci fi, where is the r2d2

im on hold with the traffic court and the music is entirely inappropriate. it sounds like im in the rocket league lobby. i dont now why you are trying to get me in a 2v2 mindset before we talk about why your website couldnt anwer my question.

Women only want one thing and it's actually pretty appealing (frozen single pan meals from Trader Joe's that say they have 2.5 servings but are more like 1.5)

This is a broad-brush and therefore unfair sentiment, but one of the things I've learned about the computing world—from academic computer scientists to industrial tech magnates—is that computer people have basically zero interest in their own history. They are only concerned with what happens next.

I've started buying collectible Uncs and so far my best are Devious Unc and Catastrophic Unc. They're pretty goated. Well they aren't Goated Unc but you know what I mean. They're considered quite good, by aficionados.

I don't understand why Godzilla and friends isn't the new MCU. Why aren't there five movies right now about what Godzilla and his friends are doing, or adventures they had in the past?

My daughter has completed her first certification as a referee. I'm so proud of her and I'm making the same face as this guy to show it.

Babe I really need to feed my Frankenstein. Which means bust in ya.

Me, an American soccer enthusiast:

My new least-favorite podcast ad is for the IBM podcast hosted by Malcolm Gladwell where he talks to the CEO of IBM about AI. Stinky!

Search your camera roll for hell

I've been retaining lots of water lately. I'm talking gallons and gallons. I'm full to the brim. I really hope no one prods me with a thumbtack attached to the end of a stick. And I burst all over them.

oh another hack i had figured out from the start that has paid dividends throughout my life: do not become a pedophile

God I love going to the park and watching pickup basketball on the court where no one can shoot. Stats line looking like a soccer game

One of my greatest fears is that later in the day after doing a blood draw I'll be lifting weights and the hole will reopen and blood will start spurting out like the practical effects in Dawn of the Dead (1978). So I just go running on those days instead.

This is so tragic it's actually incredibly funny

I used to think of the ADL as a group that advances a general social/moral principle (anti bigotry) in a particular underserved case, like the NAACP. Now I see it as just a right wing group with its particular fig leaf like the NRA. It is to Jewish people what Moms for Liberty is to librarians

Ever since they put a pig heart in me people have been very cavalier in attributing my behaviour to the heart. I am enjoying bigger breakfast after a light dinner last night, not "giving into the pig".

Says a lot about him that he's still on twitter :/

FACT: only our ALLIES have shot down our fighter planes

One time years after graduation, a guy sought out the Facebook wall of the valedictorian of my high school class, to post a headline about manatees being taken off the endangered species list and ask, “this shit tru???”

In that song, he sings “baby” in the same voice and tone as Hank Hill saying “Bobby”

Introducing: Piggy We’ve had Piggy since January, she’s an American staffy puppy who’s now six months old and she’s the most fucked up little rescue dog you can imagine. Part of the paperwork we got from the shelter was just a sticky note with “brown. deformad face” [sic] on it

I was playing Geese - "Cobra" in the car and my daughter goes, oh I know this song, you sent it to me! Which was interesting to me because in the months since then there was no acknowledgement that happened, much less that she listened to it. And yet, it worked.

Maybe a cool sign to signal to my neighbors that I'm totally unfit for society: a picture of my dogs stylized to look dangerous with the text Molon Doggy

Boyfriend Barely Alcoholic As Far As Boyfriends Go https://theonion.com/boyfriend-barely-alcoholic-as-far-as-boyfriends-go/

Ted Lasso x White Lotus crossover....what has this not happened yet 😂

y el hombre creo a dios : 72s

You know what I liked was when Biden had that awful dog that kept biting people

My daughter is doing Stitchfix as a way to explore new clothes on her own and after completing her intake questionnaire she asked if they will style her like Alan Cumming on Traitors. Baby tou are 13 they aren't going to dress you like you are at level 99 Gay

Got some tin snips at a yard sale for $5, saving me a trip to the San Jose Flea Market where you can buy any hand tool for $5 from guys who steal them from job sites and porches

Surely there is someone somewhere in the world with the resources and motivation to solve the problem.

I'm at the barber shop where everyone voted for Elizabeth Warren. We've moved on from that and now we're all about the Will Smith National Geographic docuseries "Pole to Pole." It's fire bro!

I think if you get reincarnated as one of those little fish that swim in the huge groups you should get to be like 10 of them to make your odds of survival fair