Me trying to blow a medieval peasant’s mind: and the downloadable content for the game was actually already on the disc you were just paying to unlock it Peasant(chewing the gas station beef jerky I gave him): I saw the cobbler’s wife kissing Satan’s asshole in the forest Me (mind blown): waaaaaa

Why oh why did I use my awesome petro-morphing powers to turn into a container of liquid natural gas bound to get stuck in the Strait of Hormuz. I could have been a barrel of heavy or extra heavy crude lounging in the tropical ports of Venezuela!

I encountered a new thought today from my son: "Bowser is Italian. Because Mario is Italian." Is that true? Can I prove it is false?

Weeding the yard and there's a weed next to a dog poop....you get the poop pass brother

My kids are watching terrarium YouTube's and there was a commercial saying "if you have schizophrenia, taking your meds is a daily reminder of your condition" like it's a bad thing. Actually a lot of people in this house take medicine to manage health problems and it's really important!

Cut up a huge honeydew from Costco but it's not quite ripe enough...it's only a failure if we don't learn from it.

Invasive thoughts about the concept of Russell Brand becoming a neo-nazi and writing a book called “mein kampfy-wampf”

Miss Vickie, thank you for making some delicious chips. If there's ever any way I can repay you, I'll do anything for you. And I mean anything, no matter how painful it is the first time

I work for microsoft and I love smoking crack at work!

You truly are a genius thought leader to be asking a question so multifaceted and deep. My programming skills aren’t just Ruby and Python, they’re any type of gem — and any type of snake!

obsessed with this US department of agriculture zine about snail farming from 1986 openknowledge.fao.org/server/api/c...

They hacked @stefanheck.bsky.social 's DMs

I'm just a smol bean 🥺 Whomst likes rockin' music 🎸 Harassing people online 🤮 And working on data analysis for Amazon's Alexa product line 💻

100 isn't good for a batting average

Double barrel Daryl....great name on the 102 Jams dj

We have learned a lot today. unfunnyfatfucks.com

when Nelly was at the height of his success I wasn't in the right headspace for his style of light, fun, party rap. What can I say, I was self conscious, insecure, and overly serious. But since then I've done a lot of work on myself and I am now ready for a Nelly revival.

This would make for a great one-act play.

I think that over the next 200 years technology will change humanity so rapidly that it will be tantamount to evolving into a new species and it will make our poop will turn white.

trying to lift a normal amount of weight while i have a cold and making the same face as Morpheus when he's getting tortured by the agents. Also I think he probably pooped/peed himself during that and it says a lot about Neo's character that he didn't bring it up.

My is 3 Inch

good deal

Had a very "13 year old child" experience of observing that my daughter had written "Telemachus" on her shoes, she asked if she was in trouble, told us that it's "a character in the odyssey," and at no point explained why the fuck she did that.

(inner monologue switching to voice of dale cooper giving dictation.) I just masturbated myself to orgasm – fantastic.

how many John Leguizamo movies can you name? The more movies = the more millennial you are

Frank Frazetta painting of me and my large dog, I am pictured sitting on a throne of skulls symbolizing the challenges I've overcome and enemies I've vanquished, he is pictured licking his penis because he wouldn't stop doing that.

Hantavirus is no joke 😂 That's why I've started washing my hands after touching rat feces 🐀 What are doing differently to fight hantavirus?💪

When our texts look like this I know our marriage is healthy

i used to hate skyler white until i found out she was on breaking bad

this is your one Hour warning

Toblerone candy bar....I don't know how you got shaped like that but I'm glad you're having fun

recent events have caused me to learn about the band Cumshot Wound and one of the lyrics from their song "Mid-Nut Lessons" has really stuck with me: "Your little nuts are quaking"

if a friend ever talks like this, you need to get them a wellness check asap. But since its Matt Taibbi, and he has alienated every person capable of compassion or respect for him, its ok to "let this one go"

From the main Discord I'm in: "i'm not a furry but this is the least fuckable fox mccloud has ever looked" #StarFox

Doritos took their eyes off the ball.... but the game doesn't wait for them.

he hit me back with a movie recommendation that i could find by searching a particular phrase on youtube. there are levels to the game...

What if the guy who invented Totinos pizza rolls told you he had an even better idea, but he needed $10k to make it. Would you help him? 90% of people don't know the answer.

Whatever happened to turning on the tv and hearing that the president has tragically passed away? Yes it was awful but it brought families together!

sir the question was Is this your handwriting

Zack has long been a solid dude whose infosec reporting helps protect privacy rights and I'm glad he's been able to find the legal help to pursue this case.

If you look at this and say hell yeah you are allowed to use ai to code. If not you have failed the normal guy test and need to go to remedial hanging out

New At The Gates album... need to put some time on the calendar for this

Hello, English is not my first language, could you explain how the phrase "Hindsight is 20/20" relates to the previous sentence? My understanding is that it isn't "hindsight" if they were calling for it at the time, but now I'm worried there's some nuance to the phrase I'm missing.

Stranger Things screening in a movie theater- what will it take to make this happen? I know it's not a movie but they could just put all of the coolest parts and 80s references together and show that for two hours.

i think a surprisingly small amount of Monarch: Legacy of Monsters is about what if your loser boyfriend fell into a portal and turned into a fairly old Kurt Russell, would you still let him hit. I know the answer but I still think they should talk about it

i wanted some gentle/zen natural white noise so i was thinking about a fountain water feature but decided to go with dog licking his asshole all day

To give you an idea of Wemby’s size: he’s the first player in history to be taller than his coach. Teams have always avoided this situation, as it looks ridiculous to obey somebody shorter than you. With Wemby the Spurs have no choice 🤯

I'm pregnant with puppies

looks like jordan peterson's daughter is torturing him to death. well, i guess that's none of my business. archive.is/202604282017...