Copywriters: Idk we need something to fill this space in the voiceover and hit a couple brand values. Nbd no one will pay attention to this part. Me under my breath 18,000 times a day: Because the voice of luxury commands what you deserve. Because the voice of luxury commands what you deserve? Bec

My life is full of dilemmas, like wanting to respond "Que?" to someone who I don't understand, but then they think I said "k" which makes it sound like I understand and am also being brusque about it. No bitch! I'm adopting worldly pretensions. I'm sorry I don't know why I called you bitch.

Mind, thought, and consciousness are unique, indescribable phenomenon with no comparison to anything else in the world. The problem with AI is not that the technology "isn't there yet" it's that nothing can even be conceptualized to bridge the gap from first person conscious experience and machine.

(Your friend who takes 7 hours to respond to a straightforward text message) "Weed definitely helps me function. I'm such a mess without it."

Does anyone else have behaviors that you're defensive about even though no one's ever given you shit for it? Like yeah, if I workout I'll take off a nice pair of underwear and put on a shabby pair, then when I'm done I go home shower and put the nice pair back on. It didn't get dirty sitting around

Instagram is clearly boosting 'Filmed with Meta Glasses' in the algorithm but the only impression this gives me is that Meta Glasses are for people who are being weird in the store and bothering people.

Much love to my PC gamers but I wish I could make them understand that downloading a mod is always too much to ask of me.

(Bluesky user introducing a revolutionary paradigm that is about to change the fucking world) "I think we should try being less religious, like as a society."

Computer, pull up a video playlist of Katt Williams criticizing Steve Harvey. *Okay, my algorithm suggests that you may also be interested in watching videos of: Wayans Brothers Speaking Adoringly of Jim Carrey.* Mm, yes computer. Thank you. That will do.

Stomp Clap Hey music died out like ten years ago, why are people getting mad about it now? Is our culture so powerless and emasculated that we have to dig up a defenseless, deprecated genre to put on trial, just to remember what justice feels like?

I'm not saying it's bad that people are pushing back against Trump and conservatism, but I wish they'd do it in the sort of cynical and world weary manner that has paralyzed me to permanent inaction. Just feels very "lib" I dunno.

Rapgenius is a lunatic website. So much information and none if it explains why she says "Let me talk my Stu Scott"

A while back I had really, really bad gas that kept me up all night, totally miserable. Since then I've bought Gas-X in case it happens again so I won't have to go through that, and now I actually wish it WOULD just so I get a chance to use it. Anyway this is why I don't think you should own a gun.

Hey, Rocky! What's up with your fucked up looking wife? Rocky why's your wife got a face like a fucked up bulldog. Rocky why's your wife have the kinda breathing problems only bulldogs have.

(90 Day Fiance couple with good chemistry and no major issues) Maria decided to leave early because she had a headache. Which was kinda strange? I mean, we're all here to hangout, but I guess she had other ideas. (Next couple) Isobel just found out I have a third girlfriend, from my UFO meetings

Every Instagram comment section is just people arguing to the death about something they've never thought of before

Traveling back to the early 2000s to warn people that Memoirs of a Geisha will not leave a lasting cultural legacy. And don't get too attached to Ellen either...

Girls on dating apps with a name like Night Queen and one photo of their featureless silhouette against a dusky sky. What an elusive allure, I must have you. 💜

Another niche gimmick account I never followed through on because I never thought of a second joke. Whatever.

Politics is about making predictions.

Working on a theory of 'intermittent running'. This is when you go on a run then take a break every 10 or 15 minutes before continuing. I think it's actually better for you. Why else would it feel so good to stop running.

Oh I’m so sorry, but I can see how you would get confused. When I said I wanted to meet someone who listens to electroswing, I meant more in a taking notes in my field journal way.

There is an endless crush of people who feel it is their job to realign their phony collective narrative of how the world works, currently torn through in unmistakable and vivid terms by a public murder. I feel towards them like I feel about John Gotti complaining he couldn't get pasta in prison.

Limp Bizkit performing the music video to their song Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle) atop the World Trade Center in New York City. (Photographed September 10, 2001)

Erm, I'll just walk 😵‍💫

Now what I've never tried to do is create a 'tab group' and frankly I can't imagine what my life would have to be like for such a level of organization to be called for.

One thing that makes Pierogie pretty clever is that she knows I don't want her scratching the chair, so she goes to the other side where I can't see her, where she could be getting up to literally anything. There's no way to know what she's thinking about back there.

Characters from Oz ranked on whether I think they'd respect me

John 3:16 isn't even a good bible verse. It's so indicative of the American Protestant mindset that they thought blanketing half the country in "Jesus is actually the son of God" was commendable. I don't even think they're doing it to convince people, they're doing it to impress each other.

One time on here I got into an embarrassingly protracted argument about something stupid and one of the person's friends jumped in to say "How come all the incels identity with Boris from Goldeneye?" First of all no they don't, but if they did the reasons would be very obvious.

No I don't have a "quest" for you. That's not even what we do here.

One time on here I got into an embarrassingly protracted argument about something stupid and one of the person's friends jumped in to say "How come all the incels identity with Boris from Goldeneye?" First of all no they don't, but if they did the reasons would be very obvious.

Has any bit of stage banter ever been more destructive to the vibe of a song than this?

Talking to my doctor to see if my nosebleeds are caused by dry mucous membranes, or if it's the kind that tells me I'm ignoring a higher calling in my life, that I have some great albeit personally destructive potential that I'm repressing in order to try and live a "normal" life. I'm so nervous!

Feminism has made women forget how to be devious! One reason America is in the shape it's in is because we've never had a scheming matriarch pulling the strings. Employing her wiles to provoke loyalty, solving a succession crisis by tainting the right cup with her malicious philter. #EvilWomen

Oh no, upheaval?

Award Nominated BBC Series: The Piecemeal Story Stylish detective Veronica Beige is used to solving cold cases, but can anyone discover the truth behind her own forlorn condition? Saoir Rebecki stars as the enigmatic lead in this fugue state driven thriller. Tags: Nosebleed, sudden departures

Star studded wars you should fight in if you get the chance: 1. WW2 (good guys) 2. Second Punic 3. 3rd Crusade 4. Napoleonic Miss these drab wars: 1. Korean 2. WW2 (bad) 3. WW1 4. 4th Crusade

Thomas Merton's New Seeds of Contemplation is a really important book to me, but they took the audiobook down from my library app so I got it on audible and ripped it to YouTube because a deceased monk's book shouldn't be behind a paywall. youtu.be/zEHD4RmLM7M?...

Guess I got in a lotta trouble for this one 🤣

Anti-woke Elder Millennial: If they made Run Lola Run today she'd probably have blue hair.

Every Instagram comment section is just people arguing to the death about something they've never thought of before

Tuned mass dampers are great, it's so cool to know that large buildings have a giant, orb shaped vital core that has to be protected from attacks.

Guy on a movie date who has been doing pretty well until now, turning to make direct and plainly visible eye contact. "Uh, of course they give the love interest blue eyes. They always think brown eyes are too plain to be attractive or something." Still holding eye contact.

Loudly enough for people to hear: "Taylor...? Oh, yeah her. The country singer. She's like pop now though? Huh. Oh who's she marrying? Uh huh, and he's like another singer? No? A football player? Oh, huh. The Daryl Hannah to her Neil Young, not that she's anything like Neil Young or course..."

Come and See is not an anti-war movie, it's an anti-Nazi movie. The moral of the story is that it's good to fight a war against Nazis. The best anti-war movie is Stalingrad because it's from the German perspective. The moral of that movie is "Doesn't seem like such a good idea now, does it?"

Uh oh, Warhammer lore YouTuber is making associations to the real world.

Me: I have the kind of raw intelligence that makes everything in life a breeze. No big deal. Me when I see a headline that’s like, “Judge stays motion to overturn blocked ban”: Only one person could ever possibly understand what this means. I’ll give you a hint. His first name was Albert