Who has to get up for Kevin Hart to have a seat? Let's talk about this.

So funny how they're playing Sirius by Alan Parsons during these World Cup walkouts. Like they're trying to contextualize it for us, remember Michael Jordan? This is kind of like the Michael Jordan of soccer games. Each game. Yes, this is basically sports to the rest of the world.

We didn't ask for Alexei Lalas. Most Americans do NOT support him.

I think that very few people in the future will know that the phrase "broke the internet" originated because of a picture of a lady holding a martini glass on her fat ass, and furthermore we'd have a hard time explaining that it wasn't that big of a deal at the time either.

@blockedforthispost.bsky.social should disable replies. The worst thing that can happen there is that one of the blocked/blockers comes in to defend themselves and try to rally support. Or people debate whether the block was 'justified' while reading one half of the conversation. No good comes of it

"I've been ostracized from the Sandwich Guild for my heterodox ideas about the hot dog." -- Man who fancies himself a thinker "I've left the sandwich guild to explore new possibilities with wraps, paninis, gyros, and bread bowls." -- Man who knows himself

Elon Musk cause of death "totally memeworthy" per Linda Yaccarino.

Real conversation I just overheard outside my regular grove: "Apparently red potion is really bad for you." "I'll just stick to my healing root." "Isn't red potion mostly healing root?" "And sporeshroom, yeah." "Whatever, pretty much everything gives you spirit bane anyway." Knaifs.

Oh my god dude who gives a shit

Electrifying banter, artists take notes.

Regarding the recent discourse about hormones for trans children, it reminds me of something surprisingly insightful that my dad told me when I was a kid. He used to say, if you want to make a hormone, don't pay her. Which was heartening to hear, especially given the time th- oh wait. Nevermind.

Damn, it seems like I can't find Succession on any streaming platforms besides HBO. (Guy who loves troubleshooting things for 3 hours at a time, just fucking loves spending a whole evening adjusting media libraries and file directories, it's fun to him) Why don't you just pirate it?

What happened to these people, was financial news media always like this?

Old Heads Were Right about Emma Thompson's 1994

A guitar riff should be played two times during the chorus, any more than that and you're getting dangerously close to "hard" rock

Okay, I have not been checking out the bluesky trending topics often enough.

To me, the epitomal bluesky behavior is someone making a joke under a popular post, and then someone else chiming in to reinforce that the joke does in fact seem a likelihood given the current state of things.

Her: I don't think we should really hang out anymore. It's just gotten weird between us. Me, being fed rizz from my ChatGPT integrated smart glasses: You're not just establishing boundaries, you're taking charge of your life and setting the standard for what you deserve. I mean, wait what? Why?

You can also use any version of your/you're that you want, in any context. Anyone who tries to call you out for this is being a prescriptivist. Remember that word and make sure to imply that it's a symptom of regressive political views.

The forbidden dream of men

you can tell a place is really good for dumping when theres a No Dumping Allowed sign there.

The part no one ever tells you about growing up is that someday you'll look back and realize that you've already spun around and gotten dizzy for the last time.

I had an easier time finding images on my phone when they all went to the same place.

Definitely blockchain worthy

One must imagine Pierogi comfy.

I think we can all admit that something was lost with the rise of woke and feminism, and that thing is stereotypes about women's hair color. Do kids these days know that they have to be careful with the vigorous but loud redheads? Do they know that blondes fall for ploys?

I hate it when I find out that the girl I thought was cute is actually conventionally attractive. I thought I was on to something. I thought the world just presented me a special concord, a beauty only I could see. Nope! Turns out you're just classically horny. Old school style.

I'm not impressed by the Concorde airliner.

A lot of atheists are going to be surprised by the result of the OKC-Spurs series.

When you're arguing about basketball on the Internet and the other guy starts calling him 'Bean' that's when you've gotta make your exit.

I feel like I try so hard but nobody even cares, one after another they just move on like I never meant anything to them. AI Homer Simpson: These bitches are all the same. D'oh!

I don't particularly care for Hasan, but if you think his presence is like, a critical political issue then I think that's just a symptom of being on your phone a little too much.

"Forgive them father, for they know not how much they are telling on themselves. [Turning to penitent thief] This day you shall be with me in paradise, twin." And that's zilennial Jesus. He's not going to heaven, at least not right away.

This will make some folks mad :). I think people walking dogs should have a second leash around their own neck that the dog is carrying in their mouth. I think if the dog stops to piss, you have to piss too. I think you also have to poop in the poop bag but you can wait until you get home.

In videogames, a player often has a morality meter that shows what kind of choices you've made and how they impact the character. In my life, I have an 'Opinion on Red Hot Chili Peppers' meter that vascilates wildly, and boy, the current trends are setting me up for the BAD ending.

A quality of life tip I've learned: simply never name search yourself. If they aren't willing to say it to your face they aren't worth listening to.

AI Upscaled Michael Jordan. That's my GOAT.

Anyone who disagrees with me on any issue also disagrees with me on every issue. All my detractors are in league with one another. (Congregation, in unison) They are telling on themselves. They are telling on themselves and don't even know. It actually makes me laugh. (Congregation, solemn) Lmao

Why does anyone care what anyone else’s sexuality is ? Hi I’m a straight white middle aged dude with high cholesterol. I was attracted to David Vanian of the Damned and Glenn Danzig when I was 17... Then at 18 Denise Richard’s. Now I rarely think about sex anymore because I’m too old 😔 Thanks 👍🏻

A quality of life tip I've learned: simply never name search yourself. If they aren't willing to say it to your face they aren't worth listening to.

I watched 'Paris, Texas' today and among other things, thought the estranged wife was the most beautiful woman ever, and upon learning the actress' name said to myself "Well I sure hope she's of no relation to the more famous actor named Kinski." letterboxd.com/bloviated/fi...

Remember, Melania is not going to see the jokes you make about her, but your friends who were borne from the Skeletal Badlands and subsist on nutrients sieved from the grist of ancient bones through sun bleached sand; they will hear it and their stirring can know no rest. So knock it off.

I deleted instagram from my phone because I caught myself spending too much time looking at reels, now I- Instagram: "There's a woman who thinks she's the reincarnation of Sharon Tate and she keeps talking about a "simplified" Bible that she wrote." NOW I ONLY CHeck it once a day or so.

Hearing the man at the urinal next to me pissing significantly louder than I am and crafting a theory of how the loudness of your piss is solely a product of your urethral width. Like when you put your thumb over the hose and it comes out harder. He has a smaller urethra than me, that's all.

If I'm in the editing bay these two fucks aren't getting anywhere NEAR the final cut

I'm the guy in the government who's job it is to make rules about school lunches, and guess what I think, I think bread makes you strong and chocolate milk comes from a different kind of cow. I think there's a lot we still don't know about skim milk. I think girls shouldn't eat french fries.

Last night I watched Pitch Black, the first Riddick movie, and boy is Riddick cool. Riddick should have been as big as Jack Sparrow, we should be quoting Riddickisms at one another. "...and you thought I was bad." "You got a lot more to worry about than me." "If you think I'm bad, just wait."