No offense but maybe the worst group of people you could have asked

Just saw an ad telling us to oppose a tax on sports gambling that closed with "What's next, a tax on the air we breathe???"

People who say "Ugh, I never get out or go anywhere or do anything 😩" always have three different parties they committed to going to that weekend and people who say "I got a lot going on this weekend" are talking about a twitch stream they've been looking forward to.

Been hilding on to this screenshot for some time now. Don't know what for, but I know it must be worth something.

Okay, so I just figured out why I wasn't seeing posts from some people anymore. Thx a lot bluesky

Sometimes I hear my cat throw up in the next room, and the philosopher in me thinks, it's just as likely that it could have happened without my notice, in which case there'd be no value judgement associated with not cleaning it right away. Hencetherefore, the only free act is pretending not to hear

Bumping into the full suit of knight's armor as I stumble through the dimly lit Grand Hall is such an unpleasant awakening. That it seems to inch closer to my bedroom per night will do nothing to detract me from my nightly accoutrements however. I am nothing if not a man of will and robust appetite.

NYC Republicans oughta be ashamed right now that they didn't at least turn of for Curtis Sliwa. You made a deal with the devil and you lost the election and a friend.

I like scientology cause it's the closest thing we have to the mystery cults of ancient Greece and Rome. There are people out there who worship at the Temple of Being Movie Stars and then they make Mission Impossible. You just have to have some reverence for something like that.

People take solace in the stories of the Bible but truth is, a lot of those lessons just aren't relevant today. For instance the "cut the baby in half" solution to custody disputes just isn't viable anymore, people are on the lookout for that, they know what to say. Like the wildcat formation.

The idea that dreary, depressing, painful, sad and bleak art is the only kind with any sort of depth or profundity worth taking seriously is an idea that I think people should have graduated from by the time they reach legal drinking age.

When people look back on America in 2025, we're going to have so much to answer for, and shame will prevent most people from answering honestly. "I never thought Glenn Powell was a convincing leading man, but others found him relatable." "Times were different, everyone wanted a Twister reboot."

moisturize moisture rise moist your eyes

Dracula just fucking shot me

It's crazy how many people answer their phone on speaker without telling the other person that I'm in the room and can hear them too. Are other people not just randomly talking shit on people who they take for granted aren't listening?

My date arrives, she's always been beautiful but in this moment, she is the most gorgeous person I have ever seen. I know it's not just her look, it's also her smile, the warmth I know that she has in her heart. So then comes the pain of playing it cool. "You look like shit, who cares."

Something that I've been hammering on lately is the difference between being pretentious and being a snob. A snob holds their own taste in high regard but pretentions are disingenuous opinions you adopt to impress people. So, sorry. You have to come up with a different word for how annoying I am.

People assume that the mormon obsession with sugary drinks and cookie shops is because they don't drink coffee but I think it's simpler than that. They just live in a candyland world and they believe that Gloppy is real. You probably don't even remember Gloppy. To them, THAT'S insane.

Did you guys know that this is the jacket that Mr. Rogers was wearing when he said "Look for the helpers" www.youtube.com/watch?v=1geW...

It's so weird that blood is made in bones. The world is a fucking horror show.

I actually want my funeral to be quirky

Trying to project myself back in time as a twee 2013 suburbanite writing a Gawker article titled "Exhaustive List of things Chief Keef doesn't Like"

Still can't believe Schoolboy Q said that the reason he was fucking a woman was because he liked the word

It's a true mark of maturity when you can look back at your childhood cartoons and ask, what if they had a dark side?

I was struck by a sniper's bullet through my panoramic bay window! I staggered backwards crashing through charming stained walnut French doors! Help! Help me! I'm slumped against my playful seafoam accent wall under a cascading heartleaf philodendron! Send help immediately to my secluded manse!

My friend: Yeah I take an iron supplement every day and now my bruises are gone. Mayo Clinic website: It is generally not advised to take any amount of iron supplements due to links to death [1] and brain death. [2] Reddit: do you wanna die? My doctor: Huh? Iron? Oh like swords, sure. Seems fine

When I ask a question to a subreddit or other online community it should go unsaid that I don't want to hear from you unless you already know the answer. If you're just going to Google my question and tell me "sounds like you should consult a professional" then you're not the guy.

Oceans 8 ladies stole the jewels #women

Carl Sagan: "The caterpillar's transformation into a butterfly has transfixed us for millenia. From the primitive medieval European, who's unga bunga caveman brains probably thought a witch did it. To the modern rationalist, who simply smiles at the science of it all." [Eats chrysalis in one bite]

These guys make me sick

How can any of us be certain that "Gamblin'" Ohtani didn't have money on going 3-3 with 3 home runs while striking out 10 batters across 6 scoreless innings in a playoff game.

On super tuesday 2020 I was at a phone banking event for Bernie Sanders that turned into a watch party (not a great vibe) and one guy from Socialist Alternative kept putting his finger up to an ear piece as if hearing instructions and when I asked he told me he was listening to Hasan's stream.

This Steelers-Bengals matchup is the most GM Mode game of football I've ever watched

The term 'Music Theory' gives the impression that it reveals the mystery of music, when really it's just a system of nomenclature and categorization that's useful to composers. It doesn't explain the phenomenon of music any more than the metric system explains what makes a cathedral impressive.

Just noticed myself absent mindedly singing Old McDonald. Really concerning. Psych ward behavior. Please remember to take care of yourself.

Worth a read just for the pictures of the people involved

Audiobooks are not just valid, they're more true to the literary form than silent reading. For most of history stories were digested by listeners not readers, and written texts were made first and foremost so that they could be read aloud.

I love voting for the Democrats. Less opposed to genocide than the fascists, slower and more reluctant to adopt progressive issues than the Catholic church. It's like if watering down drinks was a political platform, and eventually they began to view beer as something that gets in the way of water

The way the internet has affected people's real life nicknames is becoming a bit much. I've met a few people only to learn later they introduced themselves by their discord username. There are rappers being murdered who have names like xXBloodMikeXx.

One of the best feelings is going back to something you liked when you were 12 and still appreciating it. It's almost spiritual, like going back in time and meeting a previous version of yourself, forgiving yourself. — Guy who just jacked off to Jessica Alba's Maxim magazine spread

Becoming really obsessed with 1980s bootleg boardgame Gay Monopoly. Which seems to get more surprising the more I learn about it.

Cowardly middle ground finder: "No matter which side of the issue you come down on, it's clear that this whole mess would have been avoided if those passengers didn't let Al Qaeda hijack their plane."

I feel like the only life changing epiphany I've ever had, that actually rewrote my conscience life and completely reoriented my relationship to the world, was finding out that squares are rectangles but not every rectangle is a square. That's the last time I really felt like I learned something.

(50 Cent if he was a YouTuber instead of a rapper) Why Many Men Wish Death on Me

Sometimes someone on here says something like "I hate the phrase 'beat cancer', you don't beat cancer you endure and suffer through it." Then I meet someone with cancer who's like "yeah we're gonna beat cancer's ass" and I think, one of these two guys is an asshole but I haven't decided which.