Scientist in spiritual awakening: "There's a mysticism in the mere fact of existence that we've lost touch with. We have so much to learn from our past." Guy who just saw an AI generated image of Bart Simpson shooting Charlie Kirk and thought it was from a real episode: "I was just thinking that."

Falling asleep to a video titled "25 Pleasently Mysterious Easter Eggs from the Animal Crossing Franchise" and waking up at 4 AM to a video titled "Three Times a Kid Died on a Waterslide (THEY IGNORED HER PREMONITION!)"

Remembering the time I learned that it was MLK day because the NBA 2K scoreboard looked like this

Remembering the time I learned that it was MLK day because the NBA 2K scoreboard looked like this

Dan Marino draft class Google: Dan Marino was part of the 1983 draft class. Google: By the way, have you ever wondered What was Wrong with Dan Marino? Okay, what was wrong with Dan Marino. Google: Dan Marino has Metabolic dysfunction-associated steatohepatitis (MASH).

Buying a bidet had been the most humiliating consumer experience of my life.

People in the comments for Crystal Method's Name of the Game (released 2001) reminds them of the early 2000s for some reason.

Me: He said ethereal but what he meant was more like effervescent. Ethereal would imply that it's hard to grasp but it's more of a jubilant vibe. Me playing Scrabble: Morove. Like, that wall is painted with a sort of morove shade of red. If you're irritated you might be in a morove mood.

rip in advance to Scott "Mr Dilbert" Adams who is perhaps most famous for writing a now-deleted four part blog post where he attempted to hypnotize his readers into nutting and asked them to email him after they have nutted to tell him about the nut. www.tumblr.com/manlethotlin...

One thing that sucks about being a Pittsburgher after the Steelers lose is having every sports fan and talk radio guy condescend to you, asking if you're finally tired of mediocrity and ready to make a real change from the top down. Dog I don't have shit to do with this.

Me: He said ethereal but what he meant was more like effervescent. Ethereal would imply that it's hard to grasp but it's more of a jubilant vibe. Me playing Scrabble: Morove. Like, that wall is painted with a sort of morove shade of red. If you're irritated you might be in a morove mood.

Sabrina Carpenter is like if Ms. Pacman was real

Huh, looks like all my enemies are murderous, lying pedophiles. Nevertheless, let's check in with what they have to say. Wait — what!?

I think it's nigh the time that the nation come together and forgive Kathy Griffin

I'm a YouTube music reacter with a poster of the Beatles in my background and I gotta say, I'm getting absolutely blown away by the guitar parts of Led Zeppelin IV.

You never get the sense more that pagan gods are real and involved in our affairs than you do during a Steelers-Ravens game with playoff implications.

Does anybody know why they blindfolded Maduro? Were they worried that he was going to be able to retrace the steps they took to take him to America and that maybe he'd sail back in the middle of the night or something?

[30 year old man who cannot distinguish between personal life developments and developments of the world writ large] So sleepovers really fell off, huh

If you're an argumentative pussy on the Internet, one of the main moves in your bag is masking disagreements as misunderstandings. Nobody can be upset with you if you insist that you don't have an opinion on the matter.

Me: Idk much about her, but it would be cool of her to make a reflective, self-referential album about her perpetually heartbroken era coming to an end and what that means for her art Taylor Swift: When you come for me, my beau will give you a swirlie, Haters hate to see a frickin wifed-up girlie

Just rewatched Battle Royale by accident while cleaning the house and I think it has a case for being the movie of the century so far.

This is the most disrespectful way you could have opened your video about butterbean

One time way way back on twitter, Mike F made a joke that implied Citizen Kane was an oscar winner, and when I corrected him he called me a "pedantic dumbass" and it changed the way I talk to strangers forever.

Scrabble Go has been suggesting I play this bot account (I assume?) for like a week now and I always chuckle to myself thinking that it's the protagonist of a famous Tolstoy novel.

I started wearing a good old fashioned analog watch lately and in retrospect it's kinda crazy how many years I spent using my phone to check the time. Now I'm using a device that I know will never punish me for checking the time at 2 am by telling me that someone replied to my youtube comment.

You can tell the guy who made Rounders is a serious poker fan because he wrote in a scene where hottest woman in the world Famke Janssen sees a rerun of the 1988 World Series of Poker on TV and says "Ah, the '88 Series." Like if I made a movie where Famke Janssen says "Cool. You're on bluesky?"

I feel so sad when I see the speed that most people's mousepads are set to. You are encumbering yourself if it takes more than one finger motion to move the cursor across the screen. Have some faith in yourself for Christ sake.

Stories about holiday traditions follow the same basic pattern as stories about a person developing a fetish. One Christmas eve I was up late looking for something to watch, so I threw on Rounders (1995), and something just clicked inside me. Now it doesn't feel like Christmas if I don't watch it.

You can't watch Charlie Brown Christmas anymore. Those days are over.

Does anyone know the name of this man? I came across him on TV just now. He is delightful!

"Minstrel shows are fine if they aren't racist." You either gotta know enough about minstrel shows to tell him why he's wrong or you just gotta say "Well as long as you're against racism, alright. Merry Christmas man, don't start any holiday arguments with the family haha."

"If dad catches me smoking in the garage again he's gonna flip"

The platonic ideal videogame has a deep, reverby voice say the title of the game when you press start.

Monogamoids acting under the frankly anti-scientific assumption that their spouse is faithful to them. Have fun picking herpes pustules out of your razor blade for the rest of your life.

My bluesky starter pack is just that you gotta mute the obstinate Kirby avatar Marxist right away. That's a "gets banned from own friend's discord server" personality type and onxe you learn to recognize those you know that there's no sense accounting for intent.

Sunday Night Football anthem has entered into a minor key, seems like a bad sign.

Whenever Jim Nantz says "Love from the gun" it makes me want to smoke a cigarette

Touching me.. Touching you.. Sweet Child o' Mine Duh Duh Dun, dun Dun! dun Dun dun

(On the morning of a worldwide communist revolution) Finally, a society found on principles of rationality. Done with the old ways forever. (30 years into communist utopia) Basically we just tell the kids that Santa Claus hated capitalism, really doesn't get through to them otherwise.

2009 blog site headline: You know the actress that played Cindy Lou Who, that adorable little girl who warmed the Grinch's heart? You won't BELIEVE how she's dressing now... Let's just say Mom and Dad should look away, but see if YOU can keep your eyes OFF her... "Oh the Who-manity..."

Touching me.. Touching you.. Sweet Child o' Mine Duh Duh Dun, dun Dun! dun Dun dun

Alright fine, I'll feed my cat again just so she stops annoying me CNN: Extra Kibble for Kitty? Man Gives In to Feline Pestering NPR: Pittsburgh Man Feeds His Cat, Here's Where it Gets Weird BBC: Row Over Kitten's Extra Kibble Enters Third Day Defector: Pierogie Was Always Going to Get Her Way

Who's bright idea was it to let crossword makers name themselves

People who are too bashful and nonchalant to wave down the bus driver and instead just step nonchalantly towards the curb are unfulfilling sexual partners. They will never ask for nor offer oral sex, you will infer their desire by their needy body language and politely pretend you didn't notice.

Good read, I never really considered before that the movie might be trying to convey something through costume choices.

People who don't watch over the air television are missing out, tonight I watched xXx: State of the Union and a Halle Berry-Martin Landau vehicle from 1997.

Imagine being the guy who recognized the frontman of Buckcherry's back tattoo in the movie xXx