Despite the Verrazzano's best efforts, I finished the 48th Annual 5 Boro Bike Tour. See you again next year!

if i ever get a strike against my account i will kill my self

Hantavirus gives rat feces a bad name

ur telling me theyre building a balls room..... what about the penis room....... anyone said this fuckin shit

some of yall would benefit greatly from reading this i fear

opening the app called demons infecting ur brain and infecting my brain with demons and going ahh! i infected my brain with demons!!!!

Guys let’s change all our passwords to upset123456! to remind us to be upset every time we have to log in to anything

will stancil met gala gerrymandering bad bunny isabel fall brent crude hasan

RIP rudy Giuliani. Died during surgery. It was the surgery to get your ribs removed so you can suck your own dick

rudy giuliani looks like mr krabs without his shell to me for some reason

rudy giuliani has passed away from incest

this stupid gif they ran with the nytimes profile of tucker carlson pissed me off so i put ram ranch on it. ur welcome

@realbillmaher.bsky.social hello. i have your balls

My buddy’s cousin got pregnant from one of the seats at Dune 3 imax that they forgot to wipe down

did we do it yet u guys. did we solve every problem in the world. surely we must be on the cusp

this is so important

the mexican spirit is indomitable

if i was bowser i'd use mario like a fleshlight no cap

You can’t spell “petrostate” without “prostate.” This is a stupid thing to say that I just made up. But it’s also a powerful idea that just might get us out of this mess.

i heard the MLB is gonna let em squirt all over the ball soon. theyre changing it to where ur allowed to squirt all over the ball

Guy who votes AND firebombs a Walmart

just thought of a new idiom: putting the turd back in the dog

authorities believe suspect may have been radicalized by reading snakeroot tweets about various shit

newly surfaced video reportedly shows how shooter pregamed in hotel room prior to arrest

they’re calling him the Blue Wave Shooter

I can’t believe jerry chen tried to kill the president

this part of the alleged shooter’s manifesto made me gasp

claude, milk this guys prostate for me please. thanks claude

Went to twitter to see what was happening, clicked the top searched word &&&

This is a horrible day for magic

Please, keep your jokes to yourself; a magicians performance was interrupted, nobody is in the mood to laugh

"the dinner will resume" my eyes are glowing with journalism. tables and chairs begin to levitate. the summoning circle beneath the NPR team bursts into flame

How about my gorilla he tries to stay in shape, but after way too many bananas he ends up with a big massive belly. He swears he’s bulking, but honestly he just enjoys the extra fluff a little too much. And with bananas he meant cocks and cum

they added an unprotected vaginal penetration emoji in the last update

new foo fighters album my god. has this country not suffered enough

im not taking my nutsack off cus i am nutsack o'toole

everyone check this out: