sex so good they name the artichoke after it

white people not understanding Spanish is a trash excuse it’s too spicy well buckle up

Mouth tape: for better rest at night — and quieter meetings by day.

please👏do👏not👏wear👏a👏hoodie👏if👏you👏aren't👏committed👏to👏making👏the👏hoodie👏strings👏the👏same👏length👏

It’s just you and me against the world, Costco croissants

The Shitpost Strikes Back

I go for the people who can’t also, eat my ass, again

the masculine urge to blow my nose in the shower

If you have something to say about me say it to my butthole.

i thought a really dumb post earlier and forgot it, i know, you’re sad too

Trump: “I’m here to lie, cheat, and steal my way to power and wealth.” History: “I literally warned you.”

Wait—you’re telling me an old, fat white dude is ruining everything? Groundbreaking.

BREAKING — F: Ilya, M: Shane, K: Scott

Obsessed w Heated Rivalry bc it lets gay men be hot, masculine, emotionally confused, and in love w/out trauma. No AIDS, hate crime, or creepy uncle. 2 elite athletes wrestling w feelings, desire, and masculinity. Radical concept: gays get a love story that's hot and tender. More of this.

America needs Jon Snow.

You know what the perfect day-to-night outfit is? Sweatpants. It’s sweatpants.

inventing little pants to go under your normal pants. think i’ll call them underoverpants

This is Pioppi. He didn't pop up for any particular reason, just likes looking at you. 13/10 (IG: pioppibluestaffy)

tres leches is spanish for bukkake

Chism and Dicker! C’mon!

The Pats have a WR named Chism. The Chargers have a kicker named Dicker. I will not be taking questions at this time.

Someone asked me, a gesturer, where my gestures come from & I closed my eyes, tapped in, & was like, “French schoolboys, my friends Jane & Julia, Ben Whishaw, Jorie Graham, exhausted ballet dancers, Linda Evangelista, & an extemp speaker I saw in a High School debate tournament whose name was…Thea.”

Hi Humans, Seriously, what the fuck?

we’re in the vet’s office waiting room and they just called for Agamemnon. we all looked at the Great Dane but it turns out Agamemnon is an orange kitten in a backpack that makes him look like an astronaut cheese puff

The Chargers are out here playing in leggings and confidence.

It’s amazing how many people with crosses in their bios are like “fuck yeah they shot that soccer mom in the face!”

100% this!👇

i am having coffee before i go meet someone for coffee years old

Go birds (all birds) but specifically our birds (the eagles) but also all of the other birds too (actual birds)

What you choose to put on your oatmeal is usually a pretty powerful character sketch

I hate a bandwagon, but I’ve been taken hostage by the Heated Rivalry bandwagon and I do not seek freedom.

Doctor: how’s your diet and exercise? Me: my what?

Two hat tricks in one game. I hate Boston!

Now that gay hockey is legal, I’m proud to announce my love for Sean Avery. We are very happy. We are in love. Shut up!

‘Long story short’ has NEVER ONCE made a story short.

3rd official injured in this NYR game! How bout a few goals, boys?

Only 357 deal days left on the 2026 model leftovers.

I ate my feelings today. There were… many and poorly supervised.

What’s wild about Heated Rivalry is how rare it is to see a love story between two bros that doesn’t hinge on AIDS, violence, a hate crime, or some creepy subplot of a molester uncle.

It’s okay, WiFi. I don’t feel like working today either.

all people, all businesses everywhere need to refuse services to ice. food, gas, lodging, not even the right of way in traffic. flush them out, make them quit. as our elected officials continue to fail to protect us then we the people are left to be the ones to cut out this cancer

these are the horrors of our lives

Please cancel my free 7-day trial of 2026.

what if dicks were like elephant trunks in that you could like stick it in a glass of water and suck up all the water then spray it wherever and then reach out and grab hold of a peanut

you can have my posting phone when you pry it from my sticky little hands

come for for the jokes, stay for the hot take on someone’s hot take about someone else’s hot take on someon…

It's sad that Brian the emu was ostrichsized by the other birds.

no i don’t want to “hang out” i only want to be perceived two sentences at a time by strangers on the internet

Just completed my first day back at work since December. Please respect my privacy while I mourn privately in private.

I’d like to unsubscribe from 2026 now.