Come join me in making “where my damn keys at” the hot new viral catchphrase of 2026

bought a fake plant to replace my fake Christmas tree in an attempt to continue to deprive my brain of oxygen

Hi, I’m international power adaptor

Hi I’m 12 bottles of lemon lime soda

who is this fuckwad poorly singing and playing the banjo on the Kermit float at the Rose Bowl parade

there’s no telling what kind of secrets ventriloquists are hiding from us

who up wondering what day it is

Me: “What’s the weather forecast for Toronto tonight?” Virginia Woolf: “So with the lamps all put out, the moon sunk, and a thin rain drumming on the roof a downpouring of immense darkness began. Nothing, it seems, could survive the flood, the profusion of darkness”

So we’re really doing this, a new year? Lame.

Staying up to post this

I do not enjoy explosion based holidays.

TAGE

Not pictured: red socks. #GoBills | #BillsMafia

Someone pointed out that they haven't lost a game since this episode first aired.

Wasn’t expecting my emotional support queer hockey romance series to attack me this way. But, the Sabres have it in gear at the moment, so that mitigates the sting. #HeatedRivalry

It's cute how we're still saying happy new year like it's possible

🎵 It's a sunshine day It's a sunshine day 🎵

all I’m saying is a lava lamp would be much better with real lava

Thinking about bringing back 'rad' because things haven't been rad in a while

My kids gave me the Bubble TADC plush for Christmas I love him

Snow Squad……ASSEMBLE!!!

Alright my big Finnish friend it is time to lock the fuck in

CANADA MAN

resolving to use the word adorbies more in ‘26

It’s flu season yall wash your hands wear masks ect. My older sister just called me high as a kite on NyQuil lol it was hilarious the poor dear.

I’m listening to ‘90s pop hits on the eve of 2026 because it’s whatever forever

I was just alerted to the perfect joke

It's been a year. Could get 'showzen'* *this was a term my stupid awful ex-husband's frat bros would call a pretty girl who's had too much to drink, easy to get. Showzen = Chosen show

Can't stop you. I would if I could, though.

Might leave the house just to drop a “see you next year” on someone

Sabres

I’ll hold off on 2026 hopes until I see how drunk Andy Cohen gets tonight

MEANWHILE IN THE GREAT LAKES REGIONS

💯%✨

I'd go to more prayer breakfasts if they served bottomless mimosas.

What a smegging branding fail.

"What is the charge? Eating a mouse? A succulent field mouse?"

People who have difficult to interpret vanity plates on their car should have to put a bumper sticker next to the license plate saying what it means

Can I quote you on that or is it off the record?

/stares in Liam Neeson

Somebody called me 'pretentious'. I nearly choked on my oat milk matcha cortado with lavender foam.

nobody at the funeral appreciated my rendition of mmm bop on the kazoo

them: *shows me a pic of their new baby* me: that’s ai

don’t listen to me i adore musical theater

the random shoe in the middle of the road? I also know how it got there.