what kind of pastry is this

one of the craziest things i learned about dick van dyke is that his wife (who runs his social media) had to call him “mister” a lot on facebook because the meta automod ai can’t let a man with a dutch surname with the first name richard fucking LIVE

when that movie was released i used an edit of that poster in matt walsh’s replies

i’m going to scientifically discover a link between covid and a genetic mutation that makes people drive bad

i hate driving here so much that i’ve been trying to strategize a parking situation a week before i actually have to park

i looked too quickly and thought she was looking at a picture of a shark hitting a vape

parents freed a hummingbird from a skylight with a coleus flower attached to a pole

top five film genres: - brilliant scientist gets carried away - oops we found a cult - my child is evil but no one believes me - amateur film crew goes to a place everyone told them not to go to - what is this goop, i’m gonna touch it

You ever pull the bottom dishwasher rack out so hard it flies out onto the floor and you look down and you're wearing frayed purple shorts and your skin's all green?

i got a pair of wool socks but it’s like 90 degrees and i forgot that ham eats wool, so i literally can’t have nice things but the cats can

short stack and tallboy

Alexander McQueen Autumn Winter 2024 Show

Trying to commiserate when people describe parenting challenges

going back to bed for the 3rd time today 💅✨

Sold!

i live with cartoon characters

okay ❤️ yay ❤️

"Malort advent calendar" is already such an unhinged concept but every little window just having Malort in it really pushes it over the edge into something transcendently funny

Epstein files got me realizing I don’t have enough email buddies in my life

harsh noise yoga

only 5 more weeks until i get a 16 day vacation, i can feel it

i put a cage and rocks around my tree to squid-proof it and i just made it more fun for her, i should have anticipated this

Wheeling and dealing

our economy is being held together by one guy in utah who has been getting diarrhea from the cheesecake factory every single day for the past 18 years

Frankenstein(2025)

honey roasted bbq ham

sorry for my driving, i have to get home to my bidet

“a guy”

From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Please watch, it's been out since 1994 —Original Msg— From: [email protected] To: [email protected] I'm busy being a pedophile with Donald Trump —Original Msg— From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Have you seen The Mask

half expect to see an email that just is 4 Itchy. Tasty.

A comic about tapeworms where each panel is a segment of the worm

FROM: [email protected] TO: [email protected] SUBJECT: re: can you print these pictures of donald trump with underage women hello jeffrey my friend. no for some reason

tfw you definitely can’t grow a beard

We didn’t see the aurora borealis but we did do a drive thru car wash today

This one made me laugh

wow ok rude squid

guy who has only ever had diarrhea:

This is my Chinese cave gecko. It caves less than the Democrats.

Once I told a teacher I didn’t have my algebra homework because the gales of November came early. She failed me, which was very disrespectful to the sailors lost that day.

The overnight process failed and we will need to apply the self loathing manually today.

Did ChatGPT tell the Democratic Party to kill itself??

Assume all the yes and no votes from Dem senators are strategic and not sincere votes. The party caucus made a decision. No way to know how many were in favor. Then the caucus decided who would vote yes and no based on what would protect each of them politically the most. That’s how this works.

oh so democrats are holding the fate of healthcare hostage so they can make it a running issue for midterms, awesome. great country.

my staghorn fern needed a little support

anyone do this 😩

when we finally get Woke 2

congress dems are the biggest fucking losers on the planet. disgusting worms, fuck you

[if Chuck Schumer replaced Liam Neeson in Taken] CHUCK SCHUMER: [on phone] I don’t know who you are or what you want, but I will find you and I will help you kill my daughter