i showed him a cantaloupe

the smallest rings i’ve worked with so far, 3.5 mm. it makes me want to go even smaller

lol ok bro

A couple of weeks ago they said breadsticks were getting married, are you going to do anything about that

the future is here and it is picking images for news alerts

i’ve been really stressed about the air quality but i just heard the news say that breathing this air all day would be the equivalent of smoking seven cigarettes and a deep calm washed over me

i got a bad case of diarrhea this week. not from eating bad lettuce or anything. just been eating a lot of diarrhea

they are laughing because they love diarrhea

don’t make me deploy ‘As I Said in My Previous Email’

Me: "It's time to start eating healthy." Lettuce: "I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea!" Chips and cookies in my pantry: "I would never do that to you."

It's diarrhea summer baby!!!

I told someone a story about a Waymo earlier and just realized I called it a “Venmo” throughout. Didn’t even notice. This is comedy old person behavior!

finished my project :)

if democrats want to win, they need to run guys with harleys who wear shirts that say ‘if you’re reading this, the bitch fell off’

the uprising of the burgers...

of course mcconnell saw everybody having fun and decided to ruin it

*turning to my s/o* Change of plans, I have to post all day

i love that we can finally say one of these evil fucks shitted themselves to death and it might actually be true

good morning :)

looks fancy but it would still eat a cigarette

Getting diarrhea like, "Hope this isn't the diarrhea that was on the news"

a surefire way to meet new people is to go on a connection app and shit on everyone for not messaging you

look closely.... can you spot the cat in this photo

alright. good talk

What if this is the one that’s right

me watching love island

my work in progress looks like a slug

Chris made a delivery to the Air Force base today

I’ve thought about this tweet so often I had to go look it up

they destroyed mike in a futile attempt to pass fred off as straight

new hand dropped. they’re calling it the most ever

I gotta be honest. This ruined my life a little

he’s been dead for a month and nobody’s noticed yet

Grocery store cashier: Do you need a bag? Me, having not spoken to another person in real life for a week: I don’t know, big doggie :)

I’m fucking sobbing

do you think a lot of court eunuchs had crazy vocal fry

Why does there have to be kissing in The Terminator?

i don’t love sports but i love seeing people love things

this is the origin of horse girl

Lawyers. Love em or hate em, it's up to you. Let me know what you decide.

As a disabled person, seeing George Santos aggressively pushing for bouncing on your boy's dick scares me.

thank goodness theyre fireWORKS and not fireUNEMPLOYED har har let's go brandon

my grapes are long, do u even care