Me playing Universal Paperclips in 2017

Well many criminals are fat and old, both in fiction and in real life.

so happy for tosk and the baby and the memories they'll form together

With enough internet pressure we can get Scott MacDonald to autograph the picture of our newborn baby next to the Tosk figure

This Tosk figure was present at the birth of our first child

Surrender to the Taliban

real shit

Yeah, I have FOMO Five Ounces of MOzzarella

The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Bad Bunny https://theonion.com/the-onions-exclusive-interview-with-bad-bunny/

This photo is funnier than it has any business being people.com/hairdresser-...

Just got this in my TikTok feed. Thanks I guess

just so we are all clear, these people borrowed money to purchase an underlying real property asset with an assumption of a certain amount of income coming in from said asset? even if they are "losing money" do they still not own the asset/equity in same?

On my unpaid maternity leave getting ready to have a baby while my phone constantly lights up with notifications about the job market returning to Great Recession levels of job cuts, feeling calm and normal

They should make a website where you can leave a short form comment on somebody elses short form comment on somebody elses shoot from the hip take on a piece of misinformation posted by somebody else

Unrubbed Lobes

This is unreal. An AUSA talking like that in open court is about as close as you can come to a total breakdown. Never heard of anything like it.

One of my favorite jokes of all time is "Adolph Hitler Commits Suicide" being a tiny headline under the banner story about a hare-vs-tortoise race ... in 1943, two years before Hitler committed suicide. He was alive and well when the Warner Bros. cartoonists made this joke.

My God, can you imagine dealing with the engorgement and possible mastitis that this mother must have been suffering through in a horrible detention center? While also being away from her kids. That's the kind of thing that breaks a person

🎵 If you want to find the anti-tank shell, I know where it is, I know where it is, I know where it is. 🎵 www.militarytimes.com/veterans/mil...

rat coin purse

twitter must be dead dead cause someone posted a rat coin purse that would have 2019 twitter losing its collective mind and most of the top comments are bots saying random words or people not nearly amped enough about the rat coin purse

it’s really not that hard

Rollo NO!!!

that was just because they were complaining about him when he crashed the stock market

Asked him where his toy is

The answer to this is apparently "no one knows"

Man Who Thought Fleetwood Mac’s ‘The Chain’ Was Over In For Thrill Of His Fucking Life https://theonion.com/man-who-thought-fleetwood-macs-the-chain-was-over-in-for-thrill-of-his-fucking-life/

I didn't expect "guy who just thinks the solution is child sex trafficking needs much stronger regulation"

This is becoming an emergency... how hard would it be to make something like this if you've never made a croissant but are otherwise an okay baker? And also if you can really only do stuff for a few minutes before getting very tired

very important to have these bloated alcoholic drunk driving pigs in town to disappear people with real jobs

Citing fear of ICE, pregnant immigrants in Minnesota are -skipping prenatal care -requesting home births, even when not medically advised -going w/o adequate food Many are experiencing complications providers say can be stress-onset: diabetes, high blood pressure, and even water breaking early

Kate Bush:

mr president thakn you sir for the last 24 hours of trying to end air travel in this country, attempting to raid the treasury of billions of dollars to line your own pockets and smearing the man your secret police summarily executed in the streets in broad day light

Another long day of being 1 million weeks pregnant wondering where I can find a pistachio-filled croissant like this one I had in Toronto in 2018

Walked in on @cari.bsky.social watching the "Tratiors" show. Stayed for about a minute. Discovered that the dichotomy is Traitors vs. "Faithful"? Surely the "good" side should be the "Loyalists", no? That's the proper inverse. This is driving me nuts

77k and still going strong at twitch.tv/gooffkings and after that twitch.tv/everythingnowshow ! ! !

one of the agents said “okay we know” when we were whistling so i leaned in and whistled louder and he threatened to pepper spray me. i then said “are you scared of a fucking whistle dawg” and he very meekly said “no i’m not scared of a whistle”

Meanwhile, on Threads

TWO WEEKS AGO: i stephen miller deputize you with my supreme authority to serve as fully empowered judge dredds YESTERDAY: i would hate to judge before all the facts are in but it would appear a few rogue officers exceeded their aurhority

Trump's discolored hand holds Nicky Minaj's hand today (Win McNamee/Getty)

Democrat fundraising spam text: I know you've read this, please don't block me. I'm literally crying and shitting myself because you're abandoning me Republican spam text: I'll fucking kill you

according to bluesky, working for ice is a protected class against discrimination lol

Some really juicy gossip could really turn this whole week around for me

No one: Background bartender on Vanderpump Rules in 2013:

Deleting Signal now that I know it’s been compromised. Find me on Windows Mobile Excel.