wearing a romper is tough because you look really good but then you have to take it all the way off if you want to get jerked off by your girlfriend

3-0 at prerelease with this lorehold pile! ark of hunger is crazy good

it is so much fun going to karaoke and being consistently one of the worst singers there

got fired today but luckily i recently watched no other choice so i just need to find all of the clerks with a better resume than me and i’ll be set in no time

sometimes ur moving on different wavelengths and that’s ok

so my girlfriend likes to sleep with a youtube video on in the background, whereas i can’t sleep if there’s any spoken audio because my brain will be trying to process the words. the compromise we’ve come to is that she plays videos and i wait until she’s asleep to turn them off

twitter hates me lol

trying and failing to get a video game mod to work so i can play it with friends and feeling like the exact inverse of this

Overheard @puppydoggaming.bsky.social from across the room narrating it's plays in a limited match cast a 2/1 with flash and saying "She Am on my Bush til I Vip Her" to nobody in particular

important:

you gotta check out ozymandias’ badass new statue man. it’s two big feet and nothing else. he made it that way

spoiler season testing moment

at the night owl open mic and you have never seen more queer women with guitars in the same place

yeawhateva

phlage regressors be like i cost this many *holds up four fingers* to return from the yard :)

finished giving my gf a blowjob and said, out loud, “get head idiot. get sucked on.” what is wrong with me. discuss

trans day of cut me some goddamn slack

my girlfriend and her girlfriend are in the other room repeating “get your pussy up. get your money up” like a mantra

i know i was born in the wrong decade because i would be a phenomenal court eunuch

steel ball run but it’s umamusume. has anyone considered this

damn, magic story hits different nowadays...

took a vyvanse this morning and i got a refund from amtrak, booked an appointment, finished doing my taxes, and got a bunch done at work, they’re not messing around with this stuff

monthly bluesky post to remind everyone: im hot

showing him why he’s lucky he’s a card

feel like shit just wanna name random nba players. shoutout to keldon johnson. shoutout to isaac bonga. remember isaac bonga?

Cop: Have you been age regressing this evening? Me, about to go for the stuffed dog in my glove compartment: no officer

uma musume are "born to run" is mostly just human society propaganda turning the horse girl and her endless godlike competitive & creative drive into a profitable spectacle, in truth uma musume can do anything. such as pilot giant robots, and write award-winning literature, and joshi puroresu

this just happened in therapy

why did 50 new people follow me. where did you come from

kerosene heights, retirement party, and saturdays at your place!

kerosene heights, retirement party, and saturdays at your place!

told @dysnomia.bsky.social they made ral zarek orzhov and she fell to her knees in the middle of the parking lot

having the realization as a 26 year old woman that a sticker chart where i got a sticker every time i completed a big or scary task would be really helpful for me

if you’re dating a woman you can just wrap her in a blanket and put a plushie or two in there and that’s an easy big win for you

still haven’t decided whether i wanna call it Operation AIPAC Fury or Operation Epstein’s Fury

iran is one of the most beautiful countries in the world and you fuckers want to bomb it. death to america. death to the troops too. if you’re a troop kill your boss or kill yourself. manager will work too. idk how ranks work but you get the idea

ok which one of you was hanging out with my grandma

milwaukee i am inside you

bikers going past popping wheelies kinda sounds like the shofar on rosh hashanah. like i swear this guy just hit a wheelie tkiah gdolah

i really wanna hear gary oldman say “umezawa’s jitte”

mahjong hustling internationally

please repost if you find this content relatable

ok i guess im just a goblin drafter now

I rarely do this, but I’m hoping I maybe have enough of a following here that someone can help: I need to get in contact with Donkey Kong. It’s urgent

goblins are wait what. what is that. how did that deck trophy

glasgow i am inside you

getting tested is so silly like oh you want me to bleed for you? piss too? like take me out to dinner first im blushing 😵‍💫