Me explaining posting to a child: "Sometimes, when someone says weird, gross shit, the only way to show them the error of their ways is to say even weirder, even grosser shit"

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to put on a tactical vest and go to the newark airport at 6 am on monday. your order is to wander around like a confused oaf. when a mom drops her sandwich at jersey mike's and scares you, pull out your gun and start shooting. good luck soldier

I'm a cultural and culinary anarchist (cooking one of my wife's family's polish recipes even though I'm a different flavor of white oaf)

I caught a bunch of fresh blocks during the Based Milk Son posting spree Saturday, guys I think Saxon Musk might have fans

We gotta stop doing the parking lots with the alternating rows of angled spaces, the American people are simply too stupid to use them safely.

In many ways one of gen AI's most interesting and least-discussed features in game development is how it turns final assets into placeholder assets that were always going to be replaced at the exact moment that the studios get yelled at by the fans 😏

My son, Chad Sapiens, is so based that when he goes to thousand dollar a plate steakhouses he orders the buttered noodles. And if they aren't De Cecco Rotelle no. 54's specifically he starts crying and vomiting and peeing on the other diners.

The 80s jocks lost the culture war so thoroughly that musk is saying it's based to walk into a bar and order milk and nobody's even given him a wedgie for it

EMERGENCY UPDATE: My based son accidentally overheard someone mutter "More like Saxoff Butts" and he imploded. He collapsed in on himself like that cool Titanic submarine. The clap of air rushing in to fill the void he left behind ruptured my eardrums. My beautiful boy. Why.

Somebody who writes cozy coffee shop au star wars fanfic about a lesbian Luke Skywalker who doesn't know how to finish her thesis just saw this and doesn't need to commission a cover image anymore

When you put that attachment on the back it looks like a late 90s Toyota previa got a facelift

My medically stupid son is up to various obnoxious antisocial antics. I couldn’t be prouder of him. He will never get his drivers license but he will make many service workers consider suicide

Aw man I don't even know what an NDXKRAD or a WZWSL even is

The people I feel sorriest for are The Troops, who America's baseball team let down, probably because they don't really respect them.

Fuck

The correct order for the Star Wars movies is obviously the Pittsburgh Jenny order: (412) 867-5309

Disbarment isn't enough, if a lawyer is found to have used genAI to make up bullshit the opposing counsel should be allowed to legally eat them

These Pernicious Gambling Apps Will Embed Themselves Deeper and Deeper Into Public Life, Disintegrating Social Trust In Unpredictable and Dangerous Ways vs. No It Won't

STARTING to worry???? GROWING nervous???? www.forbes.com/sites/suzann...

Exhausted Nation Lacks Strength To Form Opinion On Donald Glover Being Voice Of Yoshi https://theonion.com/exhausted-nation-lacks-strength-to-form-opinion-on-donald-glover-being-voice-of-yoshi/

Everything they do, they do for donors, for the people getting their kids into Yale law or covering up their kids vehicular homicide, the people propping up their stock portfolio and real estate speculation. They wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire

They are betting, and it's probably a safe bet, that this term is going to be an absolute cluster and they can coast back into office on that. No need to deliver anything real- no point even in scaring off donors with rhetoric you'll have to convince them you'll abandon later

Bah. Hab bab bah. Hab baba da gadah.

look, it's very simple: 1) collect a roadrunner from Arizona 2) have it paint a tunnel on a rock well south of the strait of hormuz 3) sail the oil tankers safely through the tunnel

*reading Wuthering Heights* when do they explain his ham helmet

this guy is literally The Official Podcast of the Billionaires Who Have Captured the Government. not a place of honor. nothing valued is here

every time I buy printer paper I'm like "maybe this'll be the last time I ever buy printer paper" and that doesn't even make sense

So let's take inventory *Concentration camps *Death squads *Science gutted *Public health sabotaged & discredited *Regulatory state gutted *Genocide continued & expanded *Multiple violations of other countries' sovereignty "better in his second term" what is it she "tried to warn us" about, then?

some people might say it was "stupid" or "ridiculous" or "pathetic" for our big special boy to kick a big beehive labelled "oil crisis" for no reason other than recreational cruelty, but shouldn't we all be coming together as americans to blame the bees for being in there??

the more actual harm caused by a petroleum supply shock, the funnier it will be that some of trump's first actions was making it significantly more expensive to buy solar and EVs. Im sorry but its so, so, so funny

Jerk off gesture, dot gif

If I can lib out for a second, one of the funniest things about "trump is buying everybody cheap* shoes that don't fit" is that asking somebody their shoe size is easy and wouldn't even be the weirdest thing he's said today *Cheap in the context of the people involved and the venue

Ok but is it pronounced "floor shimes" or "floors heims"

Clock change discourse is some kind of fucking psyop I stg the timeline wants to abolish standard in favor of daylight in odd numbered years and abolish daylight in favor of standard in even numbered years and either way ten thousand fuckos are ready to tell you why it's a war crime to disagree

Here we see the perfect trump position: the war is over and done with and old news if you're the stock market and want it to be over, and it's only just beginning if you're a racist armchair general who isn't done jerking off to imperial violence. Please sort yourselves and believe accordingly.

My childhood unironically

So do I get to choose which one or do I like concatenate the names of all four or what

these fucking idiots are going to let every fascist who trump discarded rehabilitate themselves as democrats. between this and george conway and eventually MTG the future is MAGA vs former MAGA as a controlled opposition party forever.

come on

Microsoft: we’re now using AI to write over half of our code! Everyone: yeah we can tell

"The rest of the world can burn as long as I get this back" and it's just a fucking playground swing set like every single park in every single suburb absolutely still has. Those guys are so cool and normal.

Lotta people acting like the tattoo is still the only thing when he was just on that far right conspiracist podcast and called it one of his favorite shows.

Well, gas is expensive, and food is expensive, and we’re doing a war nobody wants, but at least there are no jobs

lol I legit just favorited this in my photos because I know it will be helpful

your current president went to Wharton, how's that working out

Iran: check this shit out, I drew a fake tunnel entrance. and labelled it Secret Bunker. The American AI burned a quarter of their remaining ammunition trying to destroy it. The US: claude, give me bunkers hot in Asian land war visible nipples right altitude big tiddies not fooled by black paint

This is so absolutely predictable: ‘please feel sorry for our sad bag of math we are pretending has feelings, and that may or may not have been used to murder scores of Iranian schoolgirls’