THROTUS

It is funny that in the middle of everything else Trump has decided he needs to radically overhaul health insurance again. Maybe the doctors keep scanning his brain just because they want to understand how it works

If we’re breaking kayfabe I think it was just a gross joke but for the purposes of posting I 100% believe it happened

I am begging America to not be stupid enough to embrace a racist and an antisemite because Donald Trump thinks she's a meanie. Just grab some popcorn and watch the Nazis fight.

The vice principal in The Breakfast Club bragging about making $31,000 a year hits a lot different before and after you punch it into the inflation calculator

got a response from the owner on the review I left for an Airbnb in the Garden of Eden

Wavered*

Some may purchase health insurance from insurance companies, but others will purchase health insurance from somewhere else. And we may never know their stories.

The most in a kitchen a fork has ever been

Olivia Nuzzi: She loved his eyes, blue as the flame. She loved that the sight of something as trivial as a rose could move him to tears. She loved his insatiable appetites and his particular complications and particular darkness. RFK Jr:

What are the odds Trump attends the next cabinet meeting in full costume as Old Deuteronomy and dares anyone to say anything

Masquerade! Pedophiles on parade

Millennial trump blasting The Black Parade on his day off

Hell yeah dude

Saying you wish you were in a dead pedophile’s emails is crazy work

Wait how many Hamilton fandom Trumps are there?! I only knew about these two

After all this time they finally did a face reveal of the titular New Yorker

The key to healthy communication is learning to resolve conflicts without compromising your personal brand

Just went to the Popular with Friends feed and nobody knew you

I can’t find the exact quote now, but today is making me reflect on an old Grant Morrison interview (?) where they talked about how people are very aware that the food they eat and even the medicine they take can make them sick, but they’ll put any old thought into their brains.

Damn, just when she was about to try acting for the first time

If I'm Mamdani I'm like no you have to go now

omw 😎

I’ve had my issues with Schatz but CCM would in no way be an upgrade over Chuck

Norah could have broken the Watergate story, but Carl could not have made When Harry Met Sally

every intelligent species culminates in a Donald Trump which leads to the species destroying itself

Going full Scully Mode on this one. I do not want to believe.

Olivia putting this on and thinking “I should call him”

Thank God he’s modeling proper eye protection

Check out my latest profile of Cool Jacket Man, the middle aged fascist. And yes, if you read closely, I do subtly pushback.

How One Brave Woman Invented 'Live Laugh Love 2' After Blowing Up Her Life for the Ghost of Polio's Future

If Musk's response looks like a serious offer rather than an invitation to be trolled at length, you might be entitled to financial compensation for whatever made you as dumb as Chaya Raichik

Years ago I was suspended on Twitter for inviting Marco Rubio to swallow ten D batteries, which I don’t see how it could be a threat; he and I were not even in the same room and I have at most six D batteries on hand

I actually don't own either of these, but I want to guide the writer toward my internal contradictions

(Casually to friend) We've been looking at houses in Chernobyl. It's so affordable, and they say it's actually really nice now that the Black Fungus has taken over

Phone Didion

If you must write an article like this then please at least ask Olivia Nazi to tell you which part of the Bible (King James version obv) most reminds her of her life story

Having Larry Summers craft your economic platform in 2025… mmmm, no, very unwise

1. “Over Johnny Cash lyrics” is just the “what, now it’s illegal to tell a joke?” thing the right does 2. Even if there’s *no* good reason for your 3-day suspension, I don’t think that’s especially egregious for a social media site

Victorious night watchmen learn who goes there first and then ask it aloud with rhetorical irony, while defeated night watchmen ask who goes there first and then seek to find out.

Goodness me, I stayed up late reading and it’s already Partially Muscled Skeleton Screaming by the Perimeter Fence Day. Hope you’ve all been good this year!

since reading "i'm a grok guy" i can't stop thinking about mitt romney saying "hotdog is my favorite meat"

They should invent a government that isn’t senile pedophile adolf hitler

Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. This is in case your main enemy has a notable henchman.

getting a text in the middle of the night and it's just my loathsome vizier saying "Your enemies lie in wait, my lord!!" what am I supposed to do with that. its four in the morning

This guy has the look of someone who needs a wife who doesn't ask too many questions

For as long as I can remember the Jets have been a team of destiny, but a lot of classical stories dealt with people trying to avert their destinies