Just thought you should know my in-laws’ cat sits like this

Ape Lord scratches his head and beckons you forward. > [Ape Customs] Make your obeisance to Ape Lord, appropriate to his rank > [Fruit (2)] Offer Ape Lord a Fruit > Taunt Ape Lord

Women will be like this is my boyfriend and co-parent Tangy Detestable

We should improve society somewhat

Tanguy Destable, THE Ohio State University

Hail and well met, traveler

Such a boss move to hold this event at the building he stole

Copilot is so smart. Get an email with a shipping label attached, and it helpfully offers the little blue text “print label” which when clicked, as you might assume, composes an email reply with the text “print label”, something I’m always saying to my coworkers

You have appeared in 5 searches - the noose grows ever tighter. Sign up for LinkedIn Premium.

Me: [idly looking up info on popes] Wikipedia: This list is incomplete; you can help expand it. Me: wut? Wikipedia: [lifts eyebrows suggestively]

The vile Zohran Mamdani destroying the city with his pro crime policies as a helpless police commissioner can do nothing to stop him because his mother was nominated for two BAFTAS

Going up to everyone I see today and telling them the strait is officially open. Many greeting the news with tears in their eyes

"IS HE GONNA BE OK??" I yell through tears

Local Nepo Baby Overpays Taxes

Well you have to remember all the good will he built up by pretending to fire Omarosa in his fake boardroom

(hideous voice) Those are crocodile tears. I collect those. Consuming three drops daily aids digestion and helps regrow lost limbs

On balance there are probably overall more evil members of this administration but he's easily the number one guy I'm sick of looking at, awful

Pope: [moral critique of illegal war] President: I am Jesus. Thr pope is gay Media: they are feuding😳

Enjoyers are like “oh now this I like”

Okay I’m going to watch The Pitt finale. Doing all the moves with my favorite guy Dr. Robert Pitt

As a first interaction with a real follower this would be a little intense, but coming from what as far as I can tell is a bot account it just creeped me out

Uh-oh he’s in High Broadway camp mode

young pope leo looks like a ska scene regular who goes by Upbeat but no one knows his real name

Even now he finds ways to deploy scare quotes that a fully sapient being could not imagine

My wife: “I don’t know why my parents’ TV does this.” Me: “Motion smoothing. (Confidently) I can fix this.” And I did. This Is What It Means to be a Provider in 2026

lol

perfect

I’m old enough to remember when NPR did their annual recitation of the Declaration of Independence in 2017 and a bunch of Trump voters called it anti-Trump propaganda because we live in hell

I can’t shake the feeling that all of this is happening because the White House lacks a world-class Ballroom

CYPHER: I know this steak doesn't exist... Ignorance is bliss... NEO (BEEN TAKING SPANISH ON DUOLINGO FOR THE LAST 3 WEEKS): carne asada...

Something wrong, sailor? You’ve hardly touched your filet of gray.

Attie wyd. Help us Attie

i agree with this but it's also like cruel but obviously untrue: funny cruel but i'm unsure: hurtful cruel and obviously true and i already know: funny again

hot dog

One must imagine Memetic Sisyphus dumb as hell

I long for the Forbidden feed

Looking for someone to housesit my mind palace while I’m away. Just stop by twice a day or so to make sure all my memories are behaving and the cellar door stays locked.

I’m sorry, but in Little Fockers (2010), the Focker twins turn 5, making them 21 in 2026, and while Ariana Grande could believably play someone in her late 20s, I find that to be a PROBLEMATIC AGE GAP, unless this film is somehow set in THE FUTURE?? Universal has a lot to answer for.

bluesky is down and it's going to stay down. bluesky is gone forever. it's gone forever and you're high. you're high and everyone knows it and you're going to be high forever too

think of how good ernest hemingway's books could have been if he'd listened to a playlist called '1am lofi study session' while writing them

feeling ambivalent about my future as a meat based adapter that types in 2FA codes for an amoral agentic cloud of some sort

It wasn’t a particularly big episode but one moment from ca. 2019-era Twitter that I like to turn over in my mind was the lady who said “If your fantasy setting doesn’t have sports franchises, famous musicians, a whole sphere of popular commercial entertainment then you’re doing it wrong”

Salve regino

It’s very disorienting to see the NY Post house style deployed outside its natural environment. You can’t do “headless body found in topless bar” stuff in a California accent.

You’re exceeding your rate limit, playboy

These people are so full of shit because none of them actually want to live outside of the epicenter of western diversity and population density if they have the option, this guy would kill himself before living among the noble jug hooters

I would not be found at Coachella at any age but it might be time to get out of this man’s business unless you have a Former Canadian Politicians on the Town beat

DOGE six-month performance reviews

Sometimes, the timeline has a great sense of timing

You know what never goes down is my good old dry-erase board of witticisms. *my cat rubs himself against the board and smears all the words away* Never mind.