Ben Rosen
@benrosen.bsky.social
📤 17325
📥 879
📝 307
I was born in 1601. I am a vampire. And for that reason I’m out.
2 days ago
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is there any better feeling than when the scissors just effortlessly glide along as you’re starting a c-section
2 days ago
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the songwriter who figured out holly rhymes with jolly: oh my god. oh my GOD
4 days ago
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does anyone know who they redacted here
5 days ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
6 days ago
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scrooge: you there boy! what day is today? boy: why it's disclosure day! scrooge: *unnerving clicking noises*
add a skeleton here at some point
8 days ago
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askjeeves ceo: if you don't use askjeeves your family will die
15 days ago
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why wasn’t yukon cornelius in more movies? were there allegations
16 days ago
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*sarah connor narration* cyber monday
23 days ago
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118 minute movie: quick, easy, maybe i will watch a second movie after 135 minute movie: when will i EVER in my LIFE have the time
26 days ago
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27 days ago
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FROM:
[email protected]
TO:
[email protected]
SUBJECT: re: can you print these pictures of donald trump with underage women hello jeffrey my friend. no for some reason
about 1 month ago
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sir put on the glasses i just want to see something real quick
about 1 month ago
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you can see why fascism is so popular when the other option is The Loser Party That Loves Losing
about 1 month ago
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how beautiful that my faraway love and i are both looking up at the same pepsi logo
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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i had a sandwich thrown at me but the jury said it wasn't deadly. i should have told them my wife made it!
about 2 months ago
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cuomo should have thrown in the towel a long time ago, like after pinkerton
about 2 months ago
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legally mamdani now gets to take sliwa’s hat
about 2 months ago
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sure cuomo lost but at least he was able to tell everyone that he is racist
about 2 months ago
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🚨I’VE SEEN ENOUGH: Eddie Murphy isn’t simply portraying the titular Nutty Professor, but many of the Klumps as well
about 2 months ago
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the millionaires and billionaires give us tiny candy bars and tell us they’re fun! meanwhile they’re dining on bars sized for kings!
about 2 months ago
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*guy in the spin doctors rubbing his temples* now the song makes no sense...
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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if you want to start a headline “Boy Meets World star William Daniels, 98” you should actually start it “HE’S ALIVE AND ALSO Boy Meets World st
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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drake turning off the game as it gets to 18
about 2 months ago
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I go to my wife, I say “what do you think about this ballroom” she says “they don’t take up too much room but they smell terrible”
about 2 months ago
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social media manager: so the video is called "springsteen: deliver me from erowhon" and basically you drive around bringing smoothies to ubereats customers to promote the movie springsteen: i wrote jungleland
2 months ago
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sonic youth? do you mean tails?
2 months ago
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reporter: i see you’ve covered up a tattoo. what did that used to be? me, remembering my imagine dragons tattoo: uhhh nazi stuff
2 months ago
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candidate: good news, i covered up my swastika tattoo by turning it into four small boxes campaign manager: and what did you put in the boxes candidate: campaign manager: candidate: campaign manager: candidate: campaign manager: was it four- candidate: it was four hitlers
2 months ago
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*after people discover my hidden “I love racism” tattoo* ok so i guess now it’s illegal to support a local business?
2 months ago
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republicans: it’s inappropriate to call your political opponents nazis republicans in group chats: hey guys jim “the nazi” hitler here and yes i do have the mustache
2 months ago
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one side wants no kings, the other side wants kings. can’t we just find a common sense bipartisan solution like one king
2 months ago
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statler: i heard she wrote “wood” about his penis waldorf: yeah and “cancelled!” about his playoff plans ha ha ha ha
3 months ago
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my wife’s a singer just like taylor swift. yeah she wrote “wood” and my wife wrote “twig”
3 months ago
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and to our enemies: FAFO Fiona Apple's Fetch the b Olt cutters
3 months ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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incredible to watch a movie in this moment about white supremacy, fascism, the surveillance state, racism and what happens when gabbys dollhouse gets stolen
3 months ago
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literally nothing about trump. makes you think…
4 months ago
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*writing a birthday note to my friend* i should mention the sex crimes
4 months ago
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my wife loves dubai chocolate. yeah the problem is i have dupay for it. folks
4 months ago
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democrats: the president putting the capital under martial law and using a secret police force to round people up is a distraction do NOT take the bait democrats one week later: ok we have to say something about this cracker barrel situation
4 months ago
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weapons but when julia garner wakes up from her dream and looks up at the ceiling she sees this
4 months ago
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free soup every day and i don’t even have to feed myself? gladys put the stick away, i’ll do whatever you want
4 months ago
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oh you think this is roku city, zohran? you see any big ferris wheels? giant robots? no this is new york city, the home of chase bank
5 months ago
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*after getting my head punched clean off my neck in the first round* ah but now it’s round two
5 months ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
5 months ago
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they say it’s the most beautiful 9 word sentence in the english language
5 months ago
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jeff epstein? the enigma who loves his birthday?
5 months ago
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apparently now the woke scolds say it's wrong to relish in the joy of keeping secrets with your pal, the world's biggest pedophile
5 months ago
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"seeing coldplay" is a pretty good euphemism for having an affair
5 months ago
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