Ben Rosen
@benrosen.bsky.social
📤 17918
📥 883
📝 327
WINTER OLYMPIC ATHLETE: *does the most impressive and dangerous athletic maneuver I have ever seen in my life* COMMENTATOR: oooh she has to be disappointed with that run. if she commits self harm we would all understand
about 17 hours ago
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my wife loves me because i’m handsome. yeah i handsome money to her to go shopping. folks
2 days ago
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*guy who has the wrong takeaway from the epstein files* he was doing email too much. thats too much screentime
5 days ago
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every epstein email exchange is like TENURED PROFESSOR: jeffrey,, another wonderful trip with your "friend's" . i hope to visit your wild wild island aggain soon. your life is a delicilous secret :) JEFFREY EPSTEIN: yes
8 days ago
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george: jerry, i'm going to the bone temple! jerry: bone temple? george: bone temple! elaine: a guy took me to the bone temple once....he wasn't exactly samson kramer: *bursts into apartment, infected*
22 days ago
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why is everyone randomly talking about 2016, that was 3 to 6 years ago
23 days ago
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the problem with an untrained secret police squad that shoots people in their cars isn’t that they’re untrained
24 days ago
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more training, more money, better people - these ideas won’t fix anything. the only way to put an end to this ongoing national embarrassment is to abolish the new york jets
27 days ago
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schumer: we don't need to abolish ice, we need to abolish PRICE...s.....that are........bad....and high
about 1 month ago
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directors from the 30s are so cool, they all made one stone cold undeniable triumph that will live forever and 47 other movies called “She’s Running Around”
about 1 month ago
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yeah i have peter pan syndrome (dustin hoffman wants me dead)
about 1 month ago
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forgetting all my old acquaintances unless I am convinced otherwise by song
about 1 month ago
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jeremy strong in the springsteen movie looks like they made an oscar bait minions adaptation
about 1 month ago
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kevin mcallister: every single person in kevin mcallister’s immediate and extended family:
about 1 month ago
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was visited by three ghosts last night who said i’m making great choices and to basically keep doing what i’m doing
about 1 month ago
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I was born in 1601. I am a vampire. And for that reason I’m out.
about 2 months ago
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is there any better feeling than when the scissors just effortlessly glide along as you’re starting a c-section
about 2 months ago
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the songwriter who figured out holly rhymes with jolly: oh my god. oh my GOD
about 2 months ago
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does anyone know who they redacted here
about 2 months ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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scrooge: you there boy! what day is today? boy: why it's disclosure day! scrooge: *unnerving clicking noises*
add a skeleton here at some point
about 2 months ago
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askjeeves ceo: if you don't use askjeeves your family will die
2 months ago
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why wasn’t yukon cornelius in more movies? were there allegations
2 months ago
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*sarah connor narration* cyber monday
2 months ago
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118 minute movie: quick, easy, maybe i will watch a second movie after 135 minute movie: when will i EVER in my LIFE have the time
2 months ago
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2 months ago
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FROM:
[email protected]
TO:
[email protected]
SUBJECT: re: can you print these pictures of donald trump with underage women hello jeffrey my friend. no for some reason
3 months ago
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sir put on the glasses i just want to see something real quick
3 months ago
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you can see why fascism is so popular when the other option is The Loser Party That Loves Losing
3 months ago
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how beautiful that my faraway love and i are both looking up at the same pepsi logo
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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i had a sandwich thrown at me but the jury said it wasn't deadly. i should have told them my wife made it!
3 months ago
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cuomo should have thrown in the towel a long time ago, like after pinkerton
3 months ago
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legally mamdani now gets to take sliwa’s hat
3 months ago
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sure cuomo lost but at least he was able to tell everyone that he is racist
3 months ago
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🚨I’VE SEEN ENOUGH: Eddie Murphy isn’t simply portraying the titular Nutty Professor, but many of the Klumps as well
3 months ago
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the millionaires and billionaires give us tiny candy bars and tell us they’re fun! meanwhile they’re dining on bars sized for kings!
3 months ago
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*guy in the spin doctors rubbing his temples* now the song makes no sense...
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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if you want to start a headline “Boy Meets World star William Daniels, 98” you should actually start it “HE’S ALIVE AND ALSO Boy Meets World st
add a skeleton here at some point
3 months ago
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drake turning off the game as it gets to 18
3 months ago
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I go to my wife, I say “what do you think about this ballroom” she says “they don’t take up too much room but they smell terrible”
3 months ago
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social media manager: so the video is called "springsteen: deliver me from erowhon" and basically you drive around bringing smoothies to ubereats customers to promote the movie springsteen: i wrote jungleland
4 months ago
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sonic youth? do you mean tails?
4 months ago
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reporter: i see you’ve covered up a tattoo. what did that used to be? me, remembering my imagine dragons tattoo: uhhh nazi stuff
4 months ago
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candidate: good news, i covered up my swastika tattoo by turning it into four small boxes campaign manager: and what did you put in the boxes candidate: campaign manager: candidate: campaign manager: candidate: campaign manager: was it four- candidate: it was four hitlers
4 months ago
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*after people discover my hidden “I love racism” tattoo* ok so i guess now it’s illegal to support a local business?
4 months ago
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republicans: it’s inappropriate to call your political opponents nazis republicans in group chats: hey guys jim “the nazi” hitler here and yes i do have the mustache
4 months ago
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one side wants no kings, the other side wants kings. can’t we just find a common sense bipartisan solution like one king
4 months ago
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statler: i heard she wrote “wood” about his penis waldorf: yeah and “cancelled!” about his playoff plans ha ha ha ha
4 months ago
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my wife’s a singer just like taylor swift. yeah she wrote “wood” and my wife wrote “twig”
4 months ago
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and to our enemies: FAFO Fiona Apple's Fetch the b Olt cutters
4 months ago
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