I am the only person at this wake brave enough to drink the shitty funeral home coffee

Kinda disrespectful to my grandpa’s memory tbh

Lindsay, Bluesky is trying to do you dirty.

fyi, this is what happens to your legs when you have to carry the weight of a website on your shoulders

nostalgia culture has gone too far

Ah yes! Another normal day on bluesky!

Very funny how the reaction of many modern Christians to the actual words of Christ is similar to that of a vampire stuck outside at sunrise

Doing bang maintenance the morning of my grandpa’s wake because I am God’s bravest soldier

I spend every autumn reminding people that Caitlin Covington—the girl known for the Christian Girl Autumn picture—is such a good egg that she paid for the transition surgery of the girl who originated the meme

Do y’all think they went to Olive Garden afterwards or nah?

If you do a double cleanse, you do not use water with the oil-based cleanser. This probably seems obvious but some people might make that mistake. I would personally never make it, and I would certainly not wonder why I saw no discernible difference after double cleansing for weeks, but others might

Crazy to realize that I, a maybe methodist, have a stronger theology than my ex-pastor who made “I KNOW THEOLOGY” his whole schtick

I’m making the playlist for my wake before i die, and my one request is that you turn it up a little louder than it would be at a normal funeral so the people remember that i was cool

The Parks and Rec episode “End of the World” is one of the top five car advertisements of all time

Guy at a pitch meeting: It’s an alt-country song with a woman vocalist who mentions a billboard about God. MJ Lenderman: say no more. I’m in.

I am the only person at this soccer game brave enough to drink the shitty concession stand coffee

We went to a church that very much believed in the rapture, and I learned the theology around the time Burger King unveiled their horrible revised mascot, so my dumb brain mushed them together. My biggest fear was waking up to that horrible smile coming to take me to heaven.

hey, what's up? yeah, my day is good, how about yours? i love your shoes. they remind me of the ones my grandma had on the last time i saw her right before she was hit dead-on by an ice cream truck. my mom still sobs when she sees the blue bell logo. got any big plans today?

Devoting all my energy today into hot wings and reading naked gun jokes

Saturday crossword was garbage but the Sunday wasn’t even trying

Officially deleted my twitter alt and mourning the best profile pic I ever had

Using my fingernails to scratch my dogs’ itches so they think I’m a god

Basing my workouts on which one will put my sleepy body closest to the ground

I was never a pundit or influencer but had around 9k followers (a small fry! I know!) and even at that amount, I would regularly have Nazis in my comments either threatening me or my friends. It stops being a debate when your inbox is full of the most vile messages you’ve ever seen

The other day someone from a Christian emo band I loved in high school asked if I listened to alkaline trio and I was like, no, i was too busy honoring the lord by listening to you. I wasn’t aware I could do that

I am the only person at this soccer game brave enough to drink the shitty concession stand coffee

Once again tapping the sign that says these people are weenies and cannot deal with even the slightest pushback

Reminds me of this classic

Think my kids might be doing witchcraft again. Gotta warn them about that right now.

“We watched a Phish concert and Human Centipede. Two things now I wish I had never seen” might be a top five lyric of the year for me

Love watching monetized liberal Twitter accounts become more centrist. Baby, use your earnings to buy a spine!!

I’ve been quiet quitting meal planning. Sorry for what this means for my family.

It really does seem like most of the pastors I know who had an intense Bonhoeffer phase now have a shockingly lenient stance on Nazis

If I ever stop giggling at ratboys’ “the stanza” know it’s because I’m dead

There are three political parties in the US. The far far right, the far right, and a few reasonable humans that are called “radical marxist leftist communist socialists."

I’m so Wednesday-pilled I’m spending this release day wondering if I actually do need the line “every daughter of god has a little bad luck sometimes” tattooed on my body.

God, I just love Karly Hartzman’s voice so much

When the champagne tastes like elderberry wine 😩

“But everybody gets along just fine ‘cause the champagne tastes like elderberry wine”

At the beginning of the summer, I took my dying monstera and stuck it outside as a one last ditch effort, and that turned out to be the right decision. Turns out baby loves a humid St. Louis summer. (Lindsay, you need to properly stake that. I KNOW, RIGHT?!)

It’s exceptionally funny that liberty university students were responsible for the gold Trump statue. You’re paying money for a subpar education, and you don’t even get basic biblical literacy out of it????

Angrily calling to cancel my sister-in-laws subscription to Disney+

When the full band drops out in Stop Making Sense and it’s just David Byrne maniacally singing “TURN LIKE A WHEEL INSIDE A WHEEL”?? I love that shit.

Me: I love you. I would die for you in a second. My kid: really? Because my answer would not be the same for you.

(Taking a hit of a joint) you know what’s wrong with this country? We monetized talking, not listening.

Two humans, a skin suit, and a mannequin at a Chico’s.

One thing my kids just don’t get is why I don’t post their fundraiser information on the sites where I actually have some followers. It’s just like, babe, you need some level of awareness to know why I don’t want to post your names and your school location!!!

Been binging the early seasons of new girl again, and I honestly feel a little crazy every time they talk about Nick being “chubby”

Feeling mostly fine post-vax but I did take a giant nap where I dreamed I was drinking from a huge water bottle while filling up another because I am just so thirst. No clue what that is.