We share the only reality where Mark Wahlberg is famous.

Lindsey Graham to Mitch McConnell. bsky.app/profile/mome...

Lindsey Graham also liked Walt Disney the person.

RIP to "Ol' Long Balls" Lindsey Graham.

You two should meet: Mr. Brightside, Mr. Bluesky. Mr. Bluesky, Mr. Brightside.

bsky.app/profile/chro... Peter Gammons giving the ball boy some shit.

I rn into a guy tonight who you can tell is really hoping that Kurt Russell's son really becomes a sex symbol.

Gay Panic! At the Disco.

The only way to keep cool is to drink antifreeze.

48' - Erling Haaland

I realized this morning that Q from ST:TNG is just Mister Mxyzptlk or The Great Gazoo, so now I'm down on the guy. "Omnipotent trickster." Get a job, sir.

"Welcome to Girth Absurd Cock Weighs a Ton" -- Joe Stiffie

You can tell Landry Shamet is so close to achieving telekinesis.

Flavortown has a council-manager form of city government. Guy Fieri has no real power.

That's a lot of dicks, partner.

Just wrote the hardest rocking song of all time: 'Scuse me, Teach I don't mean to be imprudent I just wanna be your... Your sex student! It's called "Sex Student".

The homeless in San Francisco should be allowed to kill, cook, and eat sea lions.

It's when people stopped offering up their fealty. That's when it all first started going downhill.

When the fascists come for us, I'm selling out the Disney Adults.

I asked my 13 year old son what hogwarts house he would be in and he slid his hand up his ass crack and slapped me in the face with it

Apocalypto except it's a pack of African wild dogs trying to chase down Barry Sanders.

death doula the mic rula

"Take this quarter. Go downtown and have a rat gnaw that thing off of your face." bsky.app/profile/alex...

ACAB, sure, but we do love national park rangers.

I think we all do like Mark Ruffalo, but none of us are getting the amount of Mark Ruffalo that we want.

That baby going to come out of Karoline Leavitt like spittle from Nice Guy Eddie.

There's only two Presidents in history who can non-consecutively suck my dick.

Looking for angel investment in my grave-pissing business.

I was just at the 111th and Elm QuikTrip, and Tilly Norwood flashed me the international hand signal for help from the backseat of a Rav4.

Me and my diarrhea racing to the toilet. bsky.app/profile/mome...

Daniel Radcliffe and Elijah Wood fill a lot of the same need.

The Rapist Formerly Known as Prince Andrew.

Travis from Ol' Yeller would take care of those ski slope dogs. He would follow through and do the right thing. The Italians remain cowards.

They are forcing me out of retirement to win a mog-off. I don't see the urgency, but I am obligated to do what I must.

We shouldn't know where the bobsledders and lugers go. It should be like Plinko.

In 1984, if the stewardess gave you the whole can of Canada Dry, then that meant you were her little sweetie.

Oh get down, turn around, go to town, blue-footed booby.

People forget Whitney Houston died.

The Generational Grave-Pissing Company You Can Trust

"I'm going to make it to 100!" No, Betty White. You will die a fool.

It would help if Discord would add a Pedophile emoji.

Are there any 1985 B-Girls out there? Where are my B-Girls at?

Selena Gomez's husband looks how Bruce Springsteen should.

I'm getting Jewish in my old age.

They don't tell you that in your late 40s your balls drop so far that if you push them together you could use them to titty-fuck.

Happy New Year, Mocha Joe.

As part of my will, I will set up a trust fund that pays bounties for pissing on people's graves. So for instance, if in 2097 a guy could use a quick $200 (in 2026 money), then all he has to do to collect the bounty is show proof of his urinating on Bill Buckner's grave. Other graves too.

Going through my late brother's 7th grade yearbook from 1985. This is from Tulsa's largest suburb Broken Arrow.

I wish to pitch a television doumentary premise where we take 10 billionaires and airdrop them into developing countries with $5 in their pockets and just watch the incredible 12-month process of all of them making their first million dollars.