Cousin Banjo
@stagecoachslim.bsky.social
📤 167
📥 131
📝 159
Named 11th funniest talking banjo by AARP Magazine.
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The thing about me is I just got my teeth cleaned, and now I think I'm better than everybody.
over 1 year ago
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Cousin Banjo
Alicia Hawkes
about 2 months ago
I told my boyfriend that I heard "Regulate" on the radio and he said "you needed that win."
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If you want to come over just take North Third St. til it ends at a front lawn that clearly looks like it belongs to a man who has given up. That's me. That's my place.
10 days ago
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Having reproduced thrice, this day belongs to me.
12 days ago
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People forget that was me inside the HR Puffenstuff costume.
about 1 month ago
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Cousin Banjo
Mary
about 2 months ago
I was raised to butter things.
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bury me now
about 1 month ago
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Cousin Banjo
Jez
about 1 month ago
It takes a village to straighten out a dumbass
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I'm feeling a little bacharachy today.
about 1 month ago
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Changed my name to Laszlo Karaoke. Please make a note of it ✍️
about 2 months ago
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NOT "in the zone." Not even close, really. Several connecting flights and 1 long burro ride away from "in the zone."
about 2 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
Sandra Newman
about 2 months ago
January 17,200,345 B.C. Evolved into a crab again. Scuttled along the floors of silent seas all morning. Saw Andy in the p.m.. He'd just invented a "wheel" and could speak of nothing else. Didn't even mention my carcinization. I feel like I'm invisible even to close friends.
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add a skeleton here at some point
2 months ago
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New York City residents, I need a little help. Can you tell me about how many times, on average, you see The Strokes walking five abreast down the sidewalk in a typical week?
2 months ago
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I got my 23andMe results and forgive me for being skeptical. It says I'm 31% German, 12% Almond Joy, and the rest is crumpled up tissue paper.
2 months ago
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I am mad frumpy.
2 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
mave
2 months ago
FACTS ABOUT MY FAVORITE PLANET E xcellent A mazing R eally cool T he people could chill out H ippos live here also
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Cousin Banjo
cat damon
3 months ago
(second date) me: [eager to show off new tattoo] remember how you said you liked garlic bread
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he is risen lol
3 months ago
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Ask me a question I won't even dignify with a response.
3 months ago
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shout out to schroeder
4 months ago
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I am Cousin Banjo. plinka plinka plinka
4 months ago
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I wrote a whole song about sandwiches and didn't even rhyme Cuban with Reuben.
4 months ago
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Fonzie origin story
4 months ago
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A wise man once said, "There'll be no healing from the art of double-dealing. Armageddon's back in town again."
4 months ago
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This cup of coffee is a little bitter, but don't worry. It's nothing four heaping tablespoons of Swiss Miss can't fix.
4 months ago
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My wife has this crazy thing where she stops eating when she feels full.
5 months ago
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Young toughs have organized once again to kick me in the seat of my pants. My pants!
5 months ago
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Goodbye Orange Cream Coke Zero. We hardly knew ye. All that's left are the crazy memories. You were only on this earth for a limited time.
5 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
Hit me up if you're looking for a podcast guest who is in no way interesting, amusing, or particularly well-informed on any topic.
6 months ago
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Am I depressed? Is the Pope Catholic? Does a bear shit in the woods? Did Big Country make guitars sound like bagpipes?
5 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
molly conger
5 months ago
'measles outbreak at the child prison' seems entirely avoidable, it's really the kind of thing that only happens if you do several unthinkably evil things on purpose all at once
add a skeleton here at some point
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Cousin Banjo
Swim Jeans 👖
over 1 year ago
My neighbor Randy saw his shadow today so it looks like we’ll be experiencing six more weeks of drunken front yard kung fu
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Look, I need something to write home about, so spare me that crap that's nothing to write home about.
5 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
slop enjoyer
5 months ago
greg bovino will replace dan bongino in the broadway adaptation of the bing bong brothers
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WHEN I SAY "DURAN!!" YOU SAY "DURAN!!"
5 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
Vituperative Erb
5 months ago
I do think that a possibly underrated dynamic in The Horrors is that the Right as it has reconstituted itself under Trump legitimately can’t understand sincere moral or physical courage
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Perhaps you remember me from my '60s vocal group, The Shitty Lettermen.
5 months ago
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Teenaged me used to imagine that Columbia House order pickers were marveling at my good taste in music.
5 months ago
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As I understand it, there is a contest tonight that pits college against college. Well, may the most learned prevail!
5 months ago
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Well, it's Saturday night You're all dressed up in blue I been watching you a while Did you use that dry shampoo?
6 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
[Christopher M. Federico]
6 months ago
add a skeleton here at some point
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Ruin a band by changing one letter: Herman's Permits
add a skeleton here at some point
6 months ago
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Notes from my visit to the Wendy's drive-thru in Sycamore Saturday night: ▪️The guy on the speaker taking orders sounds exactly like Jonah Hill. ▪️I spilled some Frosty on my key fob when going from my car to the house. My key fob might be the worst thing I have ever tasted in my life.
6 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
Alicia Hawkes
6 months ago
[Me realizing Paul Giamatti is doing the voice of John Adams in the new Ken Burns Revolutionary War documentary] Oh FUCK yes
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Hats off to the surgical nurses at Kishwaukee Hospital in DeKalb. One of them shaved my belly three and a half years ago, and the hair never came back!
6 months ago
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Hit me up if you're looking for a podcast guest who is in no way interesting, amusing, or particularly well-informed on any topic.
6 months ago
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The way I dance like no one is watching is like someone is watching.
6 months ago
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Cousin Banjo
Amy
7 months ago
i hope santa’s reindeer have been bulking up, i want a bathtub full of spaghetti and meatballs for christmas
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Cousin Banjo
mave
7 months ago
Between shopping and wrapping and baking, I can’t keep up. Not to mention being trapped inside this haunted snow globe
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Cousin Banjo
feral hat
7 months ago
Anybody got a good lead on where I can have my sterling silver sporks monogrammed
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