I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed in our house in the middle of our street

Can't. Writing the script for my movie idea, "My Dinner with Allen" where I have dinner with Allen Ginsberg and we discuss the ska band Madness for 90 min.

first date idea: oops I sharted sorry

Who's got 1.85 thumbs and deciding maybe we should read the table saw manual?

I have seen every single titty on the internet, AMA

I put the CD insert for Jerry Garcia's Garcia album in my spokes and now the wheel is turning and it can't slow down

With Great Tits comes great responsibility

Your mom

Coworker: Hey, you're not wearing anything green? Me: You should see the baggie in my pocket

I smell sex and candy, and I've clearly walked into the wrong kind of coffee shop

Being a genetically-modified villain on St Patrick's Day? That's a LepreKAHN!

dems in, you guessed it, disarray

I was the 768th reply to your post pls respond

Californians when asked to help unblock the Strait of Hormuz

Me, to doctor: *tapping my Do Not Resuscitate form sharply Doctor: You're in here for a mild head cold

If you guys are expecting just fart and poop jokes from me, you are sadly mistaken, as I aspire to a higher level of intellectual discourse on here.

"Dammit, Gumby, I told you never to follow a hippie to a second location!"

Just cleared the Strait of Hormuz, I'd give it five minutes if I was you

Timberland Salome

Timonandpumbaa Chandelier

Timbuktu Cabriolet

Timultuous Chardoney

Very on-brand for Gingrich to seek out a new, younger canal the moment the current canal starts having health problems

Suckin' left hind tit

And the Academy Award, for best acting in a work-related call out, goes to me, for "hey, man, I'm not feeling too good *cough *cough I'm gonna have to work from home today..."

Post a great photo of a musician.

thinking I'll let the tapeworm have some of my sandwich today

"Sorry, Mom, gotta run I'm late to school!" - Breakfast in every sitcom, ever

Banger of the Day youtu.be/Ew6qzoN2sqk?...

the three genders

What exactly is going on here?

Boss: Ok, team, one of us is going to have to step up and solve this situation. Jason V., why don't you take a stab at it?

Quick! What kinda scientist would you want to be?

Drop something GOLD 👑🏆🖤🏅🔱🗝️🍆

That vibe coding really working out

My OF except it's just me, crying and eating Takis

ALRIGHT. Who did this??

All Luke needed to stay warm was a big tiddied Hoth girlfriend

At this point I think a zombie apocalypse would be a good thing

Me, to my landlord: Haha!!! You want money from me, lol I just live rent free in your head! and in your apartment complex!

Could this be a solution?

Pitch an unnecessary sequel: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo Removal Scar

Jesus Christ Superstar 2: With a Vengeance

Now it’s stuck in my head

QTP with a gif that pops up when you type your name!

I must apologize, when I said that was 'gay' I didn't mean like, homosexual gay, I meant like retarded I must apologize, when I said retarded I didn't mean like, developmentally disabled, I meant like gay

I'd pee in her butt