think it's amusing that monster energy's new brand for women doesn't included a pink colored can, but the "dude" version does

how's it going, shithead @ethan4you.bsky.social

don't you hate when that happens

in 2015 we had "hoverboards." now we have "a.i." what other amazing sci-fi tech will we "invent" in the future

guy who's dick is the perfect shape and size to be used as a lock pick

zelder movie huh. none of my business. it's not a new game. i like it when you can control zelder directly. make him do things like home invasion

hey, bro. dude. where be your gibes now? your gambols? you used to fuckin hit me with a taunt while frolicking, my man. where in the hell be that merry fellow that set me on a roar?

the creature has been shorn

god hamburger helps those who hamburger helps themselves

shot and killed with a muggle wand (gun). he will not be missed

this current society got me drinkin' the joker juice

every new game is a rogue-like deck builder clicker extraction shooter. everyone loves it and can't stop recommending it and i'd rather be hit by a car than play it

Humans should be able to hibernate

stick it in your shit pipe, pal

the crime we all committed? speak for yourself, pal. i'll never admit anything!!

guns operate by firing a projectile via an explosion. internal combustion engines operate by converting fuel into mechanical energy via an explosion. therefore cars are guns

don't tell me what to do!

"murder." she wrote. her fingers flew across the typewriter keys. "and the motive?" she chuckled to herself. "burglary of the chaos emeralds."

dead men tell one tale

i need something to look forwards to in 2026 other than the implementation of the bigfoot emoji

born too late to be a golden age pirate. born too early to be a space pirate. born just in time to fuck up the family computer with a virus while downloading the matrix soundtrack

the three main types of primate

@steadysquirrel.bsky.social this you?

your mother and i think you're acting a tad much right now. any feedback? get in the comments

transformers have a spark, a pulsing energy matrix that contains their essence and immaterial being. when they die this spark becomes one in the afterlife with their creator, the god Primus. humans, meanwhile, are just intelligent animals that go dark when deceased. a buncha soulless fluid bags

can a pledge allegiance to the bag boy and a pledge allegiance to the grind girl make it work on this pledge allegiance to the flag world

if you could say one thing to BARINASUCHUS THE LARGEST TERESTRIAL PREDATOR OF THE CENOZOIC, what would it be

i'm soft launching this dirty bomb at your current location

my politics are anti whatever is going on here

why is this...why is this bantha naked

hacking into the international space station's servers and messaging the astronauts to hydrate better so i can see the iss piss tracker bot numbers go up faster

they got the hitler dna from the couch he shot himself on. and they didn't test it against any living relatives. don't know if you know this, but often times many different people will sit on a couch. sure there's probably blood stains on there but still. im skeptical

the golden axe dwarf guy has been named gilius thunderhead this whole time. why didn't anyone tell me

mind if i turn you into a super-heated plasma. being solid matter is bogus. melting into a liquid? also bogus. gas? even boguser. the fourth state of matter is where its at

everything is bad but vine's back! remember, fellow millennials? welcome to chillis! fuck ya chicken strip!i ismell likebeeff1 ididtgotooverfdrivr21!e euafje;afjel;fkdsafaduwabehnierjmoi59287324349qeiofjkgthy382u

fun fact:the raised part of a cactus where the spines come from is called the areola

trying to come up with a take or bit about the no more pennies thing. uhhhhhh what if i wanna see lincoln's face? take out a five dollar bill? what am i some sorta baron. some sorta lord prince of big fuck ass cash money

your mother and i have bette davis eyes

it's 2029. you have to get your illegal cbd dogggy chews from a sketchy dealer in an area filled to the brim with nice upscale dispensaries

Researchers: Hitler Had ‘Rare Ass Disease’

any other news. anything else going on

🎶epstien, steam machines, hitler had a weird peen. marilyn monroe🎶

i give you: the richard milhous nixon pez dispenser

no northern lights for me 😔😔😔

some people say that frankenstein's monster wasn't the actual monster of the story. that it was, in fact, dr frankenstein himself. nonsense. it was clearly the wolfman

just brought a gun to a knife fight. unfortunately the firearm was a lasgun and the guys with knives had holtzman shields. we just went up in a giant nuclear explosion. bummer

in 2035 everyone is working at doordash. that means there's no one at home ordering doordash. so the government has appointed one wealthy guy in every county to order hundreds of mcdonald adult happy meals a day

i was gonna post "waiting for duffman." googled it and it's already the name of an episode. the simpsons did it. they've done everything. go home, there's nothing left to do 😔