I think I was about 8 years old when I realized that no matter what, you couldn't ever actually win in that "Oregon Trail" game. Screw it, we'll take a wagon full of beer, tobacco, and beef. Let's get this over with. That pretty much sums up the entirety of my life since then.

Pretty sure this is the first time I've never seen a "clip" vs "magazine" argument erupt online.

I'mma go give like 400€ to a casino because I'm impulsive and get easily bored.

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Could ya'll just, like stop shooting people?

Tbqh Kamala Harris is kind of the last person I want to hear from right now

Wait, did he actually climb two flights of stairs? And he lived?

*shrugs* I think it was some kinda student rally? It was fun, definitely not a protest

This is seriously the best burger I have ever had in my entire life.

I mean, you HAVE to be curious, right?

All day yesterday I was cold, and wished I had worn a sweater. So this morning, thinking I would be wearing a sweater all day, was like "it's fine to wear the shirt with a stain on it. You'll be wearing a sweater." It's pretty warm, and I'm walking around in a t-shirt with a noticeable stain.

I'm going to test my theory that if you just keep eating all of the salmon from the breakfast buffett they will at some point stop bringing it out. Wish me luck.

It's been awhile since I drunkenly ended up in a freight elevator and found myself in the kitchen of a hotel.

This!

One thing I had forgotten about Europe is that you have to carry coins around. Coins, plural. And they're actually worth real money. I hate it.

Hello, BlueSky! Uncle John from Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader, here. Do you remember one of my books sitting atop the back of the toilet at your parents’ or grandparents’ house? I'm still around, churning out an annual, massive volume of delightful, fun, and wondrous trivia.

I might be partial, being Uncle John and all, but our upcoming 38th annual edition, UNCLE JOHN’S KNOW IT ALL BATHROOM READER, is the best one we’ve ever made. Pre-order it today! www.amazon.com/Uncle-Johns-...

Considering that I'm pretty much a misanthrope and avoid people to the fullest extent possible, I am a huge fan of people-watching. They're kinda fun, predictable. Boring, annoying, funny at times. Never not interesting.

Remember when we all thought he was dead for like 3 days? Good times, good times.

I have a bit of a man crush on Baker Mayfield.

GAH!! When is the last time one of you used one of these? Damn, I'm old...

I have been thinking about this for about 4 hours straight now.

OMG, I just realized Green Day's "American Idiot" albulm is over 20 years old. It's been a long time since W. was the worst person to hold the Oval Office.

Illinois State Senator Karina Villa is a badass.

QT this post with someone you wish was still alive.

Just a heads up. If you buy "slip-on" shoes? They slip-off just as easily. Step in a puddle of mud? *schlooopp* Now you're wearing one shoe, hopping around trying to retrieve the other. Also Puddle of Mudd is a band I'd long forgotten about youtu.be/CyDykQWck74?...

I'm really excited about going into work tomorrow. Only bc I get to set my email "away from office" message. "For the next two weeks, I genuinely don't give a sh*t. Take it up with this asshole, or this idiot. I am not reading anything in my inbox upon my return. Doncurr." And peace out at 2 pm

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I'm going to be sorely disappointed if I DON'T show up on some "didn't mourn a nazis death hard enough" website.

Charlie Kirk isn’t a martyr. He’s a casualty of the violence he incited.

James Talarico spoke with honesty at today’s rally: America is broken. Republicans profit off fear while families struggle. But across America, people are hungry for a new kind of politics: one rooted in courage, truth, and shared humanity. ✊✊🏾✊🏻 Texas, elect @jamestalarico.bsky.social

I’m tired of being pitted against my neighbor. I’m tired of being told to hate my neighbor. People across the political spectrum are hungry for a new kind of politics.

Revisiting one of the better albums from my HS days youtube.com/playlist?lis...

America’s democracy stands at a breaking point. This is a bold, uncompromising blueprint to crush authoritarian threats, reform our institutions & win decisive victories in 2026 and 2028. Strategy, courage & relentless action—because the Constitution won’t defend itself. #Project2026 👉(Please 🔁) ✅

If Republicans REALLY wanted to fuck with us? Drumph would get on a stage surrounded by kids and do magic tricks to their delight. Then hang out in a petting zoo doting over all of the animals. And sing a song of joy and hope for all to hear. We could be so flabbergasted. "I don't know what to do!"

This morning as I walked to the office there was a discernible chill in the air. Slight, barely noticeable. But it's inevitable that it's not going away. The cold approaches. It will deepen. It will get steadily worse. And we have to live through six months of wintery hell before spring returns.

Valid point. bsky.app/profile/adam... Do you in your current capacity, and whatever role you currently occupy have any unpaid interns? Fair question, I believe.

Our current FBI Director probably has a Limp Bizkut CD in a CD folder hanging from the fold-down shade in his '97 Honda del Sol

43,252,003,274,489,856,000 That's 43, followed by 18 zeros as a rounding error on such a huge numbrer. Quintillions. Plural. That's the number of possible permutations of a 3 x 3 Rubiks Cube. Exponentials are a MFer. They look so innocent.

Just as a simple exercise, what do you believe Charlie Kirk and TPUSA would have posted to their websites, X accounts (formerly Twitter), and elsewhere had Hillary Clinton been killed? Would the major news networks have a different tone to their reporting if that had happened? Flags at half-mast?

Few things in life are more satisfying than sneezing like 40 times in a row.

I'm pretty sure if I decided to become a Swifty I would have to quit my job and spend like 9-10 hours a day just catching up on like 15 years worth of music. And she just keeps adding more and more.

If anyone happened to drive past someone in an ill-fitting Batman suit driving a busted up '98 Saturn in downtown Norfolk VA trying to find parking before finally ending up taking a bus in said ill-fitting suit to do a make-a-wish thing? That wasn't me. But I worked with him Best story ever

So we're about 5,000 years into the age of scientific discovery. Still no *hic* cure for the *hic* goddamn *hic* hiccups. We are NEVER curing cancer.

There is a total number of grains, and spices, and meats, veggies, legumes etc. in the world. Right? So there is a finite number of ways food can be cooked.

I'm fairly certain that in the last 10 years or so, the only times I've heard a car alarm go off was when the owner of the car screwed something up. And spent 5 minutes trying to figure out how to turn the alarm off.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride -HST

I'm so grown-up I cut the crust off of my own sandwiches.

I think I'm about 14 months away from seriously considering buying a foot bath, and learning WTF epsom salt is. But not yet. Not quite yet. Not today