If Mitch McConnell is really brain dead on life support, we've never needed Freddy Krueger more.

pneumatic bank tube baked potato delivery system

It appears building an entire country over an ancient Native American burial ground has caught up with us

One of the weird things about having grown up in the States is to this day I'm still scared to turn on a light switch anywhere within like 6' of a kitchen sink because I'm terrified a garbage disposal is going to spring to life. *GERDEaBRUGpAHBROWLg!!!* I hate those things.

Ya'll are gonna feel pretty foolish when Mitch McConnell moonwalks onto the Senate floor, does a brief breakdancing routine, a little pop and lock and takes the mic like "where we're we, bitches?"

One away!

I've never once ordered mozzarella sticks at a restaurant or bar and thought "man, they gave me too much marinara dipping sauce"

They put a German Shepherd in charge of babysitting a group of Doberman puppies. I love how he just lays down, rolls over, gets dog piled, and then does it again… I could watch this shit all day. If you can too, drop a follow to my account

Why is a younger Russell Crowe on the sidelines of the USMNT?

Too cute 😍

It went to a nice farm upstate where it can spend all day playing with the rest of our minds. 😃

Boomers began formally denying responsibility in 1989 with Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire"

Hell yeay, Elote. Not from a street vendor but watching the match in comfort. So good.

This match is a heartbeat away from becoming hockey

GOAL!!!

Two industries that I feel SHOULD use more AI? Hotel and airline check-ins. I've already given you all of this information. WTF are you typing? Why is this taking 20 minutes? Hate those people.

The difference in broadcast time between a standard TV and a high definition one use to be like four, maybe 5 seconds. Now it's like fifteen. How have we become worse at a technology?

So happy to have finally gotten out of Belize. I hated it when I was there 14 years ago and hate it even more now. I seriously got "Hotel Califonia'd" and couldn't the hell out of there. Fuck that place.

I don't care how hot it gets. Summer will always be better than winter. I never injured myself slipping on sunshine.

Them: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. Me: Even a broken calender is right once every eight years or so.

How is this even possible?

Cryptic notes I leave myself in the night. Why did I think this was funny/ important enought to write a note to myself?

The number of people trying to get a photo of Taylor stepping out of a limo at MSG will make the America First party in DC look like Woodstock versus the America First party in DC.

Earlier I saw a meme "There is someone having their last Thursday with all 10 fingers" and I chuckled.

Breaking the fart barrier with someone you're dating is hard The first woman that moved in with me? I would get out of bed, tiptoe downstairs to the other bathroom and fart down there. The next I was like "I've had this bed for 5 years and will fart as I damn well please" Probably some middle ground

Feeling kinda basic tonight. Wish I had me some beanie-weanies.

#caturday #cats

I have never once sent a dick pic to anyone, ever. They've all had to experience that live and up close and in person. And I apologize to some of you.

Just saw this and thought I got blocked. Like nooooooo! But this one is pretty fun 😁

Yeah, suck it Yankees. Wait, what? Wtf Milwaukee?

I would seriously pay good money to watch the top golfers in the PGA Tour, Senior's Championship, etc. play a round of mini-golf on some shithole course in like Guthrie, Oklahoma. Gotta use those rubber putters and balls provided by the course. Ever seen Rory McIlroy toss a kid into a lighthouse?

Sometimes when I'm drunk I'll set some random alarm for like 3:40 am next Tuesday for no reason other than to fuck with myself. It's actually kinda fun. I hate that guy.

I just found this cute and couldn't help reading it in some Cockney accent in a Taco Bell thread. 😃

One thing I've never understood about chess is you can be kicking someone's ass, and it's a draw. Explain that to me. I've watched "Queen's Gambit" They didn't exactly tackle this.

Why are so many of these old white guys living well into their 80's and 90's? How old was Dick Cheney? Like 104? Rupert Murdock is 95 years old. Mitch McConnel is 84. JD Vance is like 41 but whatever he's an insecure little bitch.

If you're playing against someone with a doctorate who graduated from Princeton and you beat them in Four Square? One time, it's not that big of a deal. Beat them in Othello? Yeah you just destroyed their credibility.

Ever wonder what it's like to be rich and going through a divorce and you have to have your lawyers fight over which fish from the giant fish tank you get to keep?

Isn't it kinda weird when you wake up in a hotel bed and 3 of the 4 pillows on the bed are on the ground? Or is that just me?

The older I get, the less my signature looks like my name. I'm pretty sure I'm fmauxto Gorcce.

There must've been some advancements in athletic cups over the last 10 years or so. You don't see professional baseball players adjusting their crotch every 5 seconds. That used to be like 1/2 of the whole game.

GOAL!!!!

I've never fathered a child but I can make Dad jokes with the best of them.

The FIFA World Cup should have one team that's like the Harlem Globetrotters THAT would be fun to watch

JUST IN: Todd Blanche has responded to Judge Sullivan's Order on my preliminary injunction and it's...more deflection, bullshit, and attempts to conceal. storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

Just a 4th of July Reminder that your parents played this anthem at their cookouts On the boats and on the planes They're coming to America Never looking back again They're coming to America They're coming to America, today. youtu.be/wTSLRbm8L9E?...

At some point someone was the very first person to roast a marshmallow and put it on a graham cracker with some chocolate. We don't celebrate whomever that was.

I mean, at some point someone started putting grape jelly in with cocktail hot dogs. And it's still a thing.

*ponders* Maybe the hit TV sitcom "Seinfeld* was right and all of us are just big assholes?

I mean, no one goes to Burger King or Chik filet for breakfast. Be honest. You gonna get that regular Mcmuffin or the one with sausage? I'm team bacon egg and chesse biscuit myself.

Gummy worms are uncomfortably close in size and texture to actual worms.