All right, I made it through movie night with the nephew. Good Night.

I really don't have any opinion on the LA Mayor race, other than I love that Keith Edwards showed out as the dipshit most of us already knew he was.

First date: We skip the niceties and all of the shit our old asses already know about each other and get straight to business: Talking strictly in steak dinners, how many can you buy or make for me each year? Leave your yearly income and type of car at the door. I have no interest in those things.

I'm doing my best to keep my promise to this kiddo, but I'm old and too crusty, dusty, rusty and musty to pull these all-nighters anymore.

I just know good and goddamn well we ain't about to be bested by a bunch of bible-thumpers and cousin-humpers.

Lmfao We really are twins

Still Pride Month, bitches. 🩷

I promised my boy one more movie

The nephew and me, already a dozen cookies and two bowls of popcorn in, standing in front of the fridge at 2AM like

How I'm going to catch me a feller irl

June is Men's Health Month. Go to therapy. You're welcome.

Guys, don't ever put me in a serious situation. We'll survive, but in the process I'm going to piss off a whole lotta folks.

Given all I've dealt with and survived, I like to believe that I'm a mature adult capable of keeping a straight face. I'm not.

Nephew: "Why are you laughing?" Me: *leaves room*

No fucking spoilers, Rich. Damn.

Earlier, while the nephew and I watched Equilibrium, during the final fight scene, I said, See? That's what I did before I became an aunt. He laughed.

Real Gs spend Saturday nights dunking choccy chip cookies in milk, yo.

My seventeen-year-old nephew and I built a blanket fort in the living room and are eating chocolate chip cookies and popcorn like fucking legends. If you lame-os need me, I'll be watching 28 Years Later with him.

I don't trust doctors and their fancy mEdiCaL dEgReeS, which is why I leave all of my major medical decisions to guys who comment "lemme see 'em" on chatbot porn accounts

You could go to the hospital, or you could stay here and ask a team of Bluesky medical experts about that rash that just won't go away. Whatever I guess.

He's right, although I'm not exactly sure how or why he's become the left's spokesperson. Odd choice.

This will be the boo heard 'round the world lmao

You had your chance and fucked it up. Civilized Cassie has left the fucking building, bruh.

Fucking haters

THAT SHIT WAS PLACED IN ERROR. I WILL NOT STAND FOR THE SYSTEM'S PRUDISH BEHAVIOR. I TAKE MY CUCK CONTENT VERY SERIOUSLY

It's still raining but I really want to go camping. Boooooooo

Since the government is so giddy to take folks off their meds, fuck it, I say go for it. I've seen these fine folks off their meds and off their rockers, and y'all ain't ready for none of that lol Best of luck, you dumb bastards.

And behind digital door number two, we have Clark from Florida, whose hobbies include talking shit over the Internet and crying like a piss-baby when I point out that he'll never have to worry about his pull-out game 'cause ain't no way he's getting fucked by anyone but his real doll

The childhood trauma in me recognizes the childhood trauma in you. Chill.

BOOOOOORING. Boys, stop being pussies and tell me about your mental chillnesses instead.

I'm going to make men out of these boys yet lol

All you boys gotta do is be yourselves, but you insist on putting on some kind of by-the-book weirdo show and folks like me can see right through your bullshit

Fellas, don't lie to me. It's a waste of both our time.

Me: How tall are you? Him: "Close to six feet." Me: Stand in the door frame for a sec.

Can't believe this kind of entertainment is free lmao

Me: Show me your moves. Him: Trips and nearly stabs himself Me:

Oh no, ladies, watch out. Sir Dorksalot brought out his sword collection lmfao

So the man I am seeing isn’t feeling too hot. I told my grandmother that I sent him Jeni’s pints because that’s what I’d want. She said this is a husband material move. 🤣 This woman is on a mission, y’all.

Bro's built like a stick of Wrigley’s Spearmint and has an attitude that says "If you touch my gaming chair, I'm gonna wail like a banshee until you get up" lmfao

Imagine walking into this dork's BDSM bedroom and it's just a room full of sex manuals and old National Geographics lol

"That's not what 'dom' means. Actually, I could recommend a few books and arti—" Fucking dork lmao

Chatting with a self-proclaimed dom and, guys, this dude's easily the biggest pussy I've ever met lol

So glad I didn't go to the potluck.

Locking eyes with him at the dinner table with both of our steaks clenched tightly between my teeth youtu.be/L0YmZF8jxik?...

Trump’s narcissism is transforming an epic NYC occasion into a total nightmare for fans. TSA-style screenings, two hour wait to enter etc etc