Started rewatching Fargo again for the nth time because I make good life choices. If there's such a thing as a perfect film this is a contender. Marge asking Gaear at the end "There's more to life than a little money, you know. Don'tcha know that?" more in sorrow than anger is as good as it gets.

After everybody else on the planet I finally watched the three seasons of Better Call Saul that were somehow six. Now there's a show where some of the episodes could've been an email.

How the hell did Michael Gove get his hands on a time machine?

Come for the incoherence, stay for him struggling to speak past the Adderall post-nasal drip swallows.

"...and by 'unpatriotic' I mean they don't obey me. And by 'disloyal to the constitution' I mean disloyal to me. And by 'my opinion' I mean my self-interest. And by 'foreign interests' I mean people who haven't bribed me. And by 'a political movement' I mean actually people understanding the law."

"So those Heights would still be Wuthering, would they?"

Only Shallow - My Bloody Valentine

Nothing illustrates how *boring* billionaires are better than the fact they obsess about gathering obscene amounts of wealth so they can have obscene amounts of power so they can use that power to gather even more wealth.

Finally got the pizza oven going. First up:

It's true. I once had a Labrador that tried to commit mail fraud.

I can't wait for complete morons to boycott this because it contains microchips or bits of 5G or whatever. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Current earworm, to the tune of the William Tell Overture: Sweaty nonce, sweaty nonce, sweaty nonce nonce nonce, Sweaty nonce, sweaty nonce, sweaty nonce nonce nonce Sweaty nonce, sweaty nonce, sweaty nonce nonce nonce Sweaty nonce Sweaty nonce nonce nonce

Solicitor: Okay, today's not been good for us. But it's not terminal yet. The car will drive out of here, we'll go somewhere safe & work out our strategy. I need one thing from you. There'll be a million cameras out there so whatever you do, don't look like a paedo cyborg rabbit on ketamine. Andrew:

Hilly 24km round trip cycle today and my calves would make Jack Grealish look like he has rickets.

It's 3am. You're in a minicab. You've been kicked out of a nightclub for necking your whole stash before the bouncers kick the cubicle door in. And you start to feel it.

He looks like he keeps his car keys in a deep fat fryer.

Still sticking with the meditation app thing. It's a forlorn hope but I'd love for there to be a teacher that isn't all "You are a shining ball of energy in the universe, each breath is a hug for your heart" etc etc. It's like slowly drowning in patchouli quicksand.

Not even that Toy Story 5 trailer can spoil today, try as it might.

From 2019, after the Emily Maitlis interview (I share a page with something called ‘Kids Quiz' in the guardian, which is why we used the phrase ’sex trafficker’ here, and not ‘paedophile’. You can't really throw that word around on the Kids Quiz page)

MS NOW has obtained a statement from the family of Virginia Roberts Giuffre: At last.   Today, our broken hearts have been lifted at the news that no one is above the law, not even royalty.

No I’m sorry it got even funnier, the king is attending the opening of London Fashion Week today. brutal

Nobody, in the entire history of caring, has ever cared one fraction of a percent about anything as much as he cares about this.

Felicity was one of the waitresses

I just hope everyone else's WhatsApp groups are as full of the Andrew jokes they can't post online as mine are.

I want wall to wall Wichell outside a police station now.

Andrew is the prime example of somebody starting a 100m sprint .047m from the finishing line, while everyone else is wearing clogs, and somehow still managing to mess it up.

I just had the mental image of Andrew being given a pre-wrapped cheese & ham sandwich for his lunch and started laughing all over again.

I'm glad the Queen isn't alive to see Andrew's arrest. Not because I think it would upset her, I'm just glad she's not alive.

Even the fossils have seen today's news.

Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy

On a general basis I'm not a fan of everyone doing the same joke but in all honesty days like today are what it's invented for. It's like wearing your pyjamas all day on Christmas Day or drinking at 9am in an airport. Fill your boots.

“I remember the first time I saw Andy…”

"3200 bucks. That's what he gave me. 3200 bucks for a lifetime. It wasn't even enough to pay for the coffin."

Remember when Trevor Francis complained that he couldn't be sacked as Crystal Palace manager because it was his birthday? We have a new contender.

Me, waking up to news of a certain arrest in Norwich.

The Village. I shushed some teenagers at the start who were chatting in the cinema but by the end I feel like apologising to them as whatever they were talking about was more interesting than the ABSOLUTE BALLS I'd just seen.

I'm currently 'Looks TKMaxxing' which means I'm wildly out of fashion but I'm cheap.

"What if you find yourself with a rusty snake, what then?" asks snake oil salesman.

Muppetblanca Rick - Kermit Ilsa - Piggy Victor - Adam Driver Ugarte - Pepe

🎶Everybody was witch pyre lighting Those chicks are who we're smiting We found their wisdom frightening Misogyny needs fighting🎶

A tip for feeling productive - open a load of apps on your phone, then clear them all and when the phone tells you how much memory that's saved, it feels like you've cleaned out your loft.

Imagine if this was written by Jacob Rees-Mogg.

If they ever do a live action King Of The Hill and get Kieran Culkin to play Dale Gribble, he's going to look exactly like Kid Rock.

Nothing new under the sun dept: "...I felt all the malenky little hairs on my plott standing endwise and the shivers crawling up like slow malenky lizards and then down again." A Clockwork Orange, 1971. From the novel of the same name, 1962.

This guy (@glutelord.bsky.social) is correct about a lot of the discourse around "looksmaxxing" and so much of guys' ideas of what men should look like, and he should keep saying it.

Filled paratha with curried beef for dinner. Gerrin.