good news. ive reinforced my preconceived notions!

cause im pam bondi check it and see protecting pedos cause the dow is up three

TED LASSO: *on his second week leading the north korean missile program* now what all y’all “nuke-u-lar” physicists forgot to ask yourself is: ”did this so-called idiot American spend his childhood knowing Planck’s Constant?” ROOM: *gasps in unison*

cause im bad bunny check it and see im singing songs in spanish on your tv

smithers, im really enjoying this so-called “sammed arnold”

please dont put that i got booed at the olympics in the newspaper

considering buying low on america

The Thin Blue Monday

steve bannon is so fat that when he surrounds the polls, he SURROUNDS the polls

JE: come on down to littel st jmes its my island feb 1 throguh six PUNXSUTAWNEY PHIL: Jeffrey, you are well aware that I have a prior arrangement in those days. You can’t be serious. JE: lots of shados to see here u looser

Fwd: RE: FWD: Re: girsl

my family requests privacy during this difficult time

TED LASSO: *on his second week leading the north korean missile program* now what all y’all “nuke-u-lar” physicists forgot to ask yourself is: ”did this so-called idiot American spend his childhood knowing Planck’s Constant?” ROOM: *gasps in unison*

as a polite canadian, it is my solemn duty to inform you that orange man bad

inventing the 8 mile challenge where you eat a plate of mom’s spaghetti and must run 8 miles in less than the run time of 8 mile (1:50) without getting vomit on your sweater

son, in this house you do not address me as “Brian”. under my roof you will refer to me as “The Ethical Disney Adult”

aaron rodgers has died of diphtheria

*about a guy two years younger than me* look at this old loser

seems like people these days would rather be cold and let ice deport foreigners than listen to Cold As Ice by Foreigner

*to the tune of american woman* artemi panarin

its 2026 and i dont know who needs to hear this but lets stop hating things with the intensity of a thousand suns. one or two suns is enough

2025 found dead in miami

a second hand has just struck midnight

*jeff foxworthy voice* and if you DID NOT DIE, you just might be tiny tim

last christmas i gave you paul blart but the very next day he rode a segway

sitting by the fireplace with a taser waiting for that damn grinch

doug exeters 2025 album of the year is: “august and everything after“, the 1993 debut by counting crows. with smash hits like the monster “mr jones” and “omaha“, adam and the gang show that they have a bright future, and the future starts now

parasocial queen now were sharing the same memes and our profiles read as one loads more online fun

our server died today at lunch, which made me realize just how much we depend on restaurant wait staff

LIAM NEESON: i have a very particular set of pills

*reading kid rock’s resume* it says here you “watch lots of crotch”?

welcome to the college football playoffs. where the rules are made up and the points dont matter

in a shock, the winner of a made up award from one of the worlds foremost institutions of corruption is president donald j trump

wayne gretzky. canadas greatest and most barely literate son

im sorry but if your political party cant welcome both mr burns and the irishman mr burns crippled its just not a big enough tent for me

when i witness someone singing Safety Dance

i remember when to be in a cult you had to live in a compound and commit revolutionary suicide and everything. now you can just do it all online

star wars episode 6-7: a new rizz

ten weeks later, we remember the legacy of chorney kirtch

doctor operated on my anal glands instead of my adrenal glands because he forgot about dre

yeah it was a great game but im disappointed that they sold board advertising to elon musk

you can take my BLONGKY from my extremely hot dead hands

*asking about a 4000 year gap on a resume* now it says here you were in “The Bog”?

to the tune of buffalo soldier

oh, so my new password cant be one of my previously used passwords? guess ill have no trouble remembering it next time!

*reverse mortgage salesman’s eyes rolling completely back in his head* EGAGTROM…EGAGTROM…EGAGTROM

YOU, A BOOR: the northern lights ME, A SOPHISTICATE: auror of borealis

the simpsons should take the elon musk episode off of disney plus and replace it with the michael jackson episode