ava tar is lydia tar’s sister

*jeff foxworthy voice* and if you DID NOT DIE, you just might be tiny tim

last christmas i gave you paul blart but the very next day he rode a segway

move over, santa claus. theres another guy with a list - but everyone on it is naughty!!

my deaf brother just got back from the bakery. hes not happy. he asked in ASL for a specific kind of cookie and he got the wrong kind. hes thinking of suing. but he probably wont win because the bakery said he signed a wafer

sitting by the fireplace with a taser waiting for that damn grinch

doug exeters 2025 album of the year is: “august and everything after“, the 1993 debut by counting crows. with smash hits like the monster “mr jones” and “omaha“, adam and the gang show that they have a bright future, and the future starts now

parasocial queen now were sharing the same memes and our profiles read as one loads more online fun

our server died today at lunch, which made me realize just how much we depend on restaurant wait staff

LIAM NEESON: i have a very particular set of pills

*reading kid rock’s resume* it says here you “watch lots of crotch”?

welcome to the college football playoffs. where the rules are made up and the points dont matter

in a shock, the winner of a made up award from one of the worlds foremost institutions of corruption is president donald j trump

wayne gretzky. canadas greatest and most barely literate son

im sorry but if your political party cant welcome both mr burns and the irishman mr burns crippled its just not a big enough tent for me

when i witness someone singing Safety Dance

i remember when to be in a cult you had to live in a compound and commit revolutionary suicide and everything. now you can just do it all online

star wars episode 6-7: a new rizz

ten weeks later, we remember the legacy of chorney kirtch

doctor operated on my anal glands instead of my adrenal glands because he forgot about dre

yeah it was a great game but im disappointed that they sold board advertising to elon musk

you can take my BLONGKY from my extremely hot dead hands

*asking about a 4000 year gap on a resume* now it says here you were in “The Bog”?

to the tune of buffalo soldier

slowly coming to the realization that quinn hughes is NHL tungsten arm o’doyle

oh, so my new password cant be one of my previously used passwords? guess ill have no trouble remembering it next time!

*reverse mortgage salesman’s eyes rolling completely back in his head* EGAGTROM…EGAGTROM…EGAGTROM

YOU, A BOOR: the northern lights ME, A SOPHISTICATE: auror of borealis

the simpsons should take the elon musk episode off of disney plus and replace it with the michael jackson episode

i just realize i only weigh 180 pounds. the other 140 are just the crap i eat

found my new bio

go canucks go

ME AS A CHILD: i cant wait till im an adult, then i can finally Do Things ME AS AN ADULT: the spectre of Things To Do haunts me from sunup to sundown, and beyond

cliff wife low key fell off

there is nothing that i would like to see more than elon musk jumping off the high dive into a vault full of coins

juries these days would rather hock up a loogie than lock up a hoagie

i cant believe his first official move as mayor was to change the lyrics of “hava nagila” to ”zohran mamdani”

wow. congratulations new york. real “six seven” of you

reporting cnn for advocating self harm

dick cheney has endorsed cuomo by dying

Final Score: Dick Cheney 4, Hearts 1

and the MVP of the world series is: president donald j trump

jays can get them in the 12th

the dodgers. the jays. who will win the ugliest trophy in pro sports

take me down to the old torment nexus where the metaphors will always perplex us take me home

smoke wheat every day