cause im slim shady check it and see i got a bunch of guys who look just like me

i heard there was a secret gay the cruise ship it gave it all away but you dont really care for MAGA do you? it goes like this, theres folks to grift but he likes dudes if you catch my drift the wife crying at home while benny blew ya benny blew ya, benny blew ya benny blew ya benny blew-ew ya

i heard there was a secret gay the cruise ship it gave it all away but you dont really care for MAGA do you? it goes like this, theres folks to grift but he likes dudes if you catch my drift the wife crying at home while benny blew ya benny blew ya, benny blew ya benny blew ya benny blew-ew ya

facebook reels is great because its the only place anymore where you can get a 14 second clip from a 1997 movie with the caption “wifes are out of pocket this days”

one thing is sure in these uncertain times: benghazi aint going away

please join me in taking a whole bottle of tylenol to #resist

i refuse to believe that jason is a name that dates to antiquity. every jason was born between 1983 and 1986 and is your friends younger brother

its a beautiful prison folks. all it takes is one guard! and he sees all the bad guys. *childlike smile* but they dont know if hes seeing them. pan-op-ti-con. panopticon!

thats it. im suing the Left

this is dougs wife. i regret to inform you all that, despite being fully vaccinated against covid-19, today doug lost his battle with a semi truck

paying 300% market price for a used chevy cavalier because the salesman was so friendly

yeah i got a horseshoe theory for you pal. me and the other dads are going to the park after work to drink a beer and throw some horseshoes

gonna be a big day for this

bongo and kash are on the scene

been a while since ive had a good long back-and-forth with a complete lunatic on social media

dont mind me. im just over here not politicizing a tragedy

well, everyone knows that donald trump signed the ephebephile birthday note. but what this news media presupposes is: maybe he didnt?

the problem with society these days is that millennials would rather score a golazo than throw seven innings of two hit ball

chatGPT confirmed the president is too dumb to write the note

delete my browser history

TRUMP: They beg for scraps, but we taste the rarest fruit. Forbidden, exotic, delicate. All the sweeter, for it spoils quickly. EPSTEIN: Best taken secretly, when they believe we fast. TRUMP: Whispers at dusk, never shouted in daylight. EPSTEIN: An endless banquet, Donald. ME: sirs this is a wendys

help. i clicked this and my phone disappeared

take me down to the pedophile city where theres donald trump and theres jeffrey epstein

bee stuff burden

*wakes up from 20 year coma* i wonder what new york financier jeffrey epstein is up to these days

its really telling to me, about you personally, that although your preferred sports team defeated my preferred sports team, they did not do so with class

good news! the news is now illegal

everyone is a cop. except for cops. cops are feds

you millennials are such hypocrites. you cant stand laura loomer yet you love the music video for black hole sun

theyre saying its the most beautiful blood anyone has coughed up

CRAZY BUT TRUE FACT: “homonym” is the only word in the english language that doesnt have a homonym

maybe president trump is taking some time off to improve himself. did you even think of that possibility

im so thankful to have my home heating system powered by AI. it monitors my family as it comes and goes throughout the week and optimizes temperature settings for comfort and efficiency. also once every ten days it misidentifies my son as a pot roast and sets the thermostat at 325 for four hours

*white zombie voice* mark cuban thank you man

yeah i got a platform for you to migrate to. its called Grass and i suggest you Touch it

i love to learn and grow from my mistakes. please dont ask me anything about them though

this isnt funny. advisers only offer bribes when theyre very scared

*to the tune of thats amore* when you go see a shrink and youre not who he thinks pagliacci

its becoming abundantly clear to me that AI is failing because of woke

working forces AND burning crosses? in THIS economy??

*PARENT ALERT* if you hear your child saying “six seven” please know it is drug slang, meaning that your child has been doing six or seven drugs

yeah AI is great and all but if you want something that will disregard all prior instructions might i suggest having children

i gained a lot of followers from my viral tweet earlier today. i just want you all to know that i love donald trump and want to kiss him

i cant believe a country that has spent decades measuring success purely by the accumulation of material wealth has lost its moral compass

“m, snow” is the satisfied noise i make when i hear “informer”

*snaps out of a 12 year trance that started while reading this tweet* hold on theres a dang cheeto in the white house???

GUY WHO HAS NO IDEA ABOUT THE PURPOSE OR EVEN DEFINITION OF “SATIRE”: please tell me this is satire

oh, you want Good Things? ah, my ignorant friend, Good Things are Bad! now, let me introduce you to the concept of Good Words