I know everyone is sick of hearing this but Dorothy is a mom’s friend’s name, NOT a mom’s name. If your mom is named Dorothy: SHE’S NOT REALLY YOUR MOM

Seeing dudes get bent out of shape when the term “dad rock” is invoked, is some of the funniest shit ever

It must be said that the act of busting brings a euphoric sense to me.

Ladies and gentlemen! The Unfuckables!

Happy Metric Thanksgiving to all my Canadian friends!

Every time someone makes me read something Peter Thiel said it’s like “Scrooge McDuck is Jesus Christ and Huey, Dewey, and Louie are Gabriel, Raphael, and Uriel and Daisy is Mary Magdalene and that’s why women voting has lowered American sperm count.”

Do you think Willy Wonka has candy corn in his poop?

Mash up bands: Barenaked Priest

But see, you guys don't get it. This Tron is set in the real world.

I know what you're thinking, and the answer is: Sixteen, but one of them has shrunken to the size of a walnut.

All these fuckin rich powerful guys act like big tough alphas while looking like a bunch of bed-wetters & premature ejaculators They look like they pay extra for the hooker to pat their arm & say THAT WAS SO GOOD after their 30 seconds of trying to choke her during sex with their weak little hands

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking Grid!"

damn. hoping it at least signifies something

“I took this gig in good faith, assuming that my head would be chopped off before I even got to the hotel. What I found may surprise you/make you a hypocrite. Right? No? What else what else”

Trump will just have to keep murdering fishermen until you stupid jerks give him the peace prize

calling my coworker the great gatsby until HR gets involved because he used the word pomade

David Simon, creator of ‘The Wire’, being interviewed by Ari Shapiro (NPR)

al pastor is the hawaiian pizza of tacos

California! Vote YES on 50, and tell Trump to fuck off with his vote rigging schemes!

ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳, 𝘯𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵

Superman for women

David Lynch’s Finding Dory

visiting friends with kids rocks bc they alway have snacks up the wazoo

Spotted a member of Antifa out in public. If you see something, say something

“A second inflatable frog has now been spotted wiggling through Portland.”

This is going around again without alt text so I decided to look up the actual article but got bored immediately

Guys, our MAGA government rooted AGAINST the Basterds in "Inglorious Basterds." Understand?

STEPHEN MILLER: [writing letter by candlelight] my dearest Katie, it has been well over a fortnight since we last gazed into each other’s soulless Aryan eyes. alas, I am still trapped in the desolate wasteland that is Portland, surrounded by fornicating Antifa furries and patchouli. war is hell.

DONUT | OPEN BREAD | INSIDE

I am watching the Jake Gyllenhaal Road House with the volume turned down, cranking NIN’s TRON:Ares soundtrack. It’s called cinema.

Moshing to the aol dial-up sound

🎶Thicker than A deep dish pie Joints are sore Blood pressure high Pudding, flan And crème brûlée None are safe From the Green Beignets🎶

Jane Austen superhero manuscript discovered, looking forward to spidey sense and sensibility.

FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME FUCK YOU I WON’T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME

my slutty schrödinger halloween costume may or may not be all finished

STEPHEN MILLER: mark my words. terrorists will not reduce our great nation to ashes. we are ready, swords unsheathed, staring evil directly in the face as we reclaim what is rightfully ours [camera cuts to man dressed as Dino from the Flintstones spanking a giant teddy bear with a rainbow dildo]

No one should be rich or powerful enough to rape kids without prosecution.

IT'S JUST LIKE NORMANDY

Just think, in only 50,000 more years our genitalia will look like USB ports and USB jacks

hang in there bud

After everybody went nuts over it in theaters last week, we decided we wanted Jeffrey Epstein: Bad Pedophile out there as soon as possible. We're releasing it this Thursday, and we've made it free for everybody. All we ask is that you watch it, hopefully on a TV, next to as many people as you can.

Hi, CNN. Please stop framing it like he’s NOT outright breaking the law

Another beautiful Burbank morning.

be funny if they gave the Nobel Peace Prize to the frog