One of my favorite social media bios included both "worst-selling" and "Emmy-losing"

Today is Boxing Day, so don’t forget to lace up your gloves and challenge your neighbor to a few rounds of the “sweet science”

Poll: Your day after Christmas role? A) Shopper B) Returner C) Box destroyer D) Couch philosopher E) Still tolerating relatives somehow

Me, unable to post a good joke for days: I am shadow banned

im thankful for all of you here who make this place what it is. as much as this place sucks it feels like the only little pocket of sanity left and considering how fucking insane most of us are that's saying something

Practicing my flirting on the dead roach in my basement that's belly up in a puddle

happy boxing day make sure to punch someone special today

A pill to make you feel whatever a dog must feel laying in your way all the time

Your lack of bean respect, I turn my face from you. In darkness you wallow.

No you see “naan bread” is not redundant to us Western European descent people with fifty eleventy distinctions of bread.

Let’s grow some fuckin beans

If it’s cold get off the fucking ground, you fools

Fucking yes, baked beans, you calorie rich little bastards

Baked Beans single-serve can. This could be a Hallmark Christmas movie.

Unapologetically complicated, and yet so simple if only you had vision

Doomed, not me though, I watched a YouTube video.

heard rumor about this on the street - so might not be true. But something called "Drug-Nog" might be floating around in the supply chain, disguised in perfectly normal 'nog' packaging!

I was up all night getting that partridge out of the pear tree now finish your fucking dinner

Fat thumbed some likes in the discover feed, merry christmas

Fookin' 'ell

How I feel after a perfect dental check-up

So what time are we burning the elves bound to the Christmas tree

Ending all my conversations in 2026 with, "The road I cruise is a bitch"

merry Christmas to everyone except my weird racist uncle who said some weird racist shit when we got here, didn't get the fight he wanted, and has been hiding in his room for the last 3 hours since

More of the first season of Sealab 2021

The blue jays don’t know it’s Xmas, they just know it’s 61 degrees and the stupid human left his peanuts on the table again. Sucker.

*holds a trash bag open* Alright, gang. Wrapping paper in here, please.

They should have cast Macaulay Culkin in The Martian, and had him defend the Mars habitat from a pair of bumbling alien invaders.

Rachel told Cooper “you’re perspiring, don’t drink your milk so fast” so that Ron Burgundy could say “milk was a bad choice.” Not really, but you know, why not draw a line from Hang ‘Em High to Anchorman?

I know I’m supposed to be paying attention tot be redhead that brought him breakfast, but those are either the thickest pancakes or the widest biscuits ever, and now I can’t stop thinking about them.

🎄☀️❤️

[Cats knocking off everything in sight at 6:30 am] NEVERMIND

Mirry chrifsmus

Hmm I should probably start my Christmas shopping

Merry Cordmas!

Disgusting that I’m being kicked out of this restaurant for being “naked”, despite me obviously wearing ranch dressing.

Person who's running late on Christmas is like, "Oh, you meant 'Don we NOW-now our gay apparel'"?

You absolute wonders of humanity opening up Xmas morning Bluesky with pet pictures, I thank you.

Good morning and merry Xmas my lovelies 🌞 🎄

I just came into the kitchen and found my MIL and 24 eating this tart. They took a bite and said it tasted like almonds but was waxy. They didn't see the wick in the middle. Yeah it's a candle 🤣🤣🤣

Status: Currently backed into a corner of the apartment by 4 super pissed housecats.

mele kalikimaka ya filthy animals

Escape from New York is not a Xmas movie because it is Xmas and I am watching it. Merry day to you, citizen.

Seriously there is nothing more amoral and disgusting than “tech influencer.”

Haha we used to look forward to caroling and lights now we just hope for a couple days reprieve from tech bros destroying the Western world.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

Yum.

BRALESS AND HAPPY