Happy Wednesday ilu ❤️ Let's rob the bank @fulkery.bsky.social @muyrando.bsky.social @lazer-cat.bsky.social @lunchjournals.bsky.social @farcewtf.bsky.social youtu.be/1v54GruLHBM?...

There's a land like Narnia in the back of the walk in freezer at Long John Silvers

Nice turn, signal, nut bucket

Know why I pulled you over? "No sir" 1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha

I may be sorta landlocked and pretty far back in line, but I, too, am blockading Hormuz.

Bob Uecker's jacket says good morning

[skillfully waits for bus]

Relativistic mass vs rest mass and the argument over excusing my late arrival.

This day in history. 1561. Residents of Nuremberg witnessed a battle between two groups of extraterrestrial spacecraft in the sky coming out of the sun, I'm pretty sure, perhaps the Skwaweebees of Skoox in pursuit of a squadron of Mubmubs from Far Vandaloo.

I bet fish get tired of seafood

If my husband opens his mouth one more time he will be a bad smell and strange spot in the attic

Barista With Attitude: Hello! ?? ! And can I help you???!!!?? Me, Bigger Attitude: Um, yes. Y’all better go down the road and turn left ‘cause that’s where y’all got all fucked up and come at me the right way….

Tell someone that you love them but scream it at them in German so it’s utterly terrifying

we need astronauts returning to earth every day imo

Oh god I can’t wait until I can lay out by the pool…. *345 mosquitoes liked your comment

more like fart of the deal, send post

Living in Appalachia means knowing at least one fully grown man called “Tater”

Finger guns are a must

Like Decker, but without any relevance to the plot.

My glasses are all fogged up except for where someone drew a penis in finger grease, I don't know who.

I bet Stevie Nicks could defeat Bjork in a wizards battle

QTP with an anime that has an awesome theme song

Remember, showering is for yourself, but also nice for other people in line.

Nope

big fan of the word micron.

I dig most couldn't be bothered to read a wiki about an Italian destroyer in WW2. But maybe we can agree, this paint-scheme is pretty cool. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Italian...

Again, might not be yer cup of tea, but I liked the picture. (the "Spacecraft micrometeorid shielding" part I thought was pretty cool) en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microme...

Good news, friendo - you can cross "hear a flying fox bark" off your bucket list

All this class warfare hatred for ketchup.

(draws line in sand] I’m with mayonnaise.

“But if you tax the billionaires they will leave” honestly that is the main point, now, the tax revenue would just be a nice little bonus.

Someone came in I don't want to interact with at all, and I panicked and grabbed the stapler instead of my phone. And he's waiting, so now I'm committed to the bit. I'm sorry, sir, I'm going to be on the stapler a while

Now to drown my sorrows in dino nuggets

imagine moving to a sleepy little seaside town only to find out there are no daily murders

“You must show me these significant skills” okay steal my pickup lines, martial arts comedy

I don't know if this is the chardonnay talking. But I may, have had a chardonnay (or two) more than I should have had, to be handling any sort of valuable ceramics. *hands back hand-sized green jade Incan Jaguar carving.

I won an eBay auction with 4 seconds to go. There was a bidding war and I WON. In your FACE EthelD773!

“Refreshing martial arts comedy with Jet Li” okay sold, proceed

Okay boss, which toppings are we putting on our signature main pizza?

You may ask, "Buddy, how can you piss around in such a leisurely manner when the world is burning?" The answer, my dear inquisitor, is that I am extremely fucked up on medical grade ether.

Happy Friday ilu ❤️ You made it through the week and I'm proud of you @fulkery.bsky.social @muyrando.bsky.social @lazer-cat.bsky.social @lunchjournals.bsky.social @farcewtf.bsky.social youtu.be/LzujUrSZihc?...

Yeah I know. I don’t matter, but good work, anyway

For the non sciency people we're talking about way more pure mass than the earth holds. Hell, you probably couldn't even use the Oort cloud. Anyone that gives this man a dime deserves to be taken.

Girls be like 'I really needed this' and it’s just a coffee and a dark rainy morning

Two women suspected of stealing over $1000 in merchandise? Okay whatever local news, our federal government is spending billions of taxpayer money to bomb Iran and make them reopen a shipping lane that they themselves closed.

Dear Republican candidates, your presidential endorsement is a no-go even among your own party’s voters. Your cuck rating amplifies with your endorsement advertising. You should be talking betrayal of the constitution and individual rights, not the endorsement by the shellac queen.

i never feel more powerful than when autocorrect gives up. it’s like, you win, i have no clue, carry on without me.

I like a lot of bourbons, but I keep returning to 3: Green River Old Forester Knob Creek Buffalo Trace distillery sort of lost me with shipping out and having no stock in state, good stuff but I don’t look for it anymore.