uh oh

[depeche mode intensifies]

i bet lying back down after they've stood up and walked in a tiny circle feels so good for the dog

I just realised you can do this: boob | dood ------------- poop | qooq

making me side with mickey mouse? will sam altman's evil never cease??

thought of a brand new way to be off-putting today if anyone needs to borrow it: insisting on referring to vacuuming as "cuuming"

i am going to liberate the remaining members of katseye from their contract with HYBE so they can stop making tiktok dance hostage videos

i love to be the exact target audience for something

one time my friend heather and i drove across the country to take her to live at her dad's for a summer. oregon to new jersey. we got lost in wyoming and off the highway somehow. roads got worse and worse. eventually we saw a huge BLAST SITE sign and called 911 on ourselves

it’s even worse when you realize she means the border with ohio, not canada

this website will not make it if the lunatic left are allowed to make fun of me

my husband and i drove from columbus, ohio to berkeley, california with two dogs in the car when we moved out here. it took four days and i got food poisoning in cheyenne, wyoming

We’ve told all the casting agents that the Weird Al biopic sequel is currently on hold, but they just keep sending in headshots.

hey guys I just moved a queen mattress up a flight of stairs by myself because I am buff and stupid

Behold a pale horse, and the Rider’s name was DEATH, and HELL followed with her

when you’re the father of a young child, sometimes being cask of amontillado‘d really hits the spot

Pure Sauron Energy AGAIN!

“why do you sing with an english accent? i guess it’s too late to change it now” is one of the best roasts ever put to music and phoebe delivers it so casually

the children are cask of amontillado-ing their father into the closet as we move out

read the bell jar in fifth grade because of this comically large prop copy from 10 Things I Hate About You

baby (21 months) is screaming as her brother (4) does the robot in front of her and I said bub im not sure that’s helping and he said im not TRYING to help! I’m TRYING to dance 🕺

the landlord is finally fixing things we complained about two years ago (we move out monday)

okay mysterious queen

ICE storyline on The Pitt not realistic. ICE agents would never bring an injured person to the emergency room

you should want people to not use this website. to think otherwise is to adapt the religion of EverythingAppism. it is to become a Muskovite. you should pine for a return to the era of web forum

professor harold hill arriving in river city in 2026: "you've got trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with G and that stands for gender"

hello, just checking in to say I’ll be taking a little break from bluesky. I’m fine just overwhelmed (we’re moving and for 24 hours I thought my dog was on his deathbed and I owe @oaklandreviewofbooks.org an essay and I have to find a job and then there is the entire world outside my house).

While you were out partying, I was learning the hamburger

[explaining stacking to an american toddler] so imagine a hamburger

the butch cashier at costco called me gorgeous so. good luck telling me shit today

they crave it. bigots are asking to get their ass kicked in increasingly urgent ways and, as a society, we aren’t meeting their emotional needs

you do not have to do racism to experience “the frisson of transgression” you can simply shoplift an eyeliner pencil or cheat on your husband instead

after years of being told to put the dog on a diet, yesterday the vet told me he needs to be fatter. congratulations benny, it’s your time to shine. chicken nugget?

airport chilis (the good chilis) should secede. like west virginia and virginia

if this sucks i will never recover

“do you guys think they’ll ever verify jerry”

Congratulations to San Francisco for inventing the long-prophesied banana that costs ten dollars sfstandard.com/2026/03/11/g...

uber driver fell asleep. zero stars

harry styles releasing a song about how much he loves american girls in march 2026 is so brave and so important for morale

Love the occasional verbal flash bang like "the Leave Britney Alone kid transitioned and is a right wing grifter now"

prayers up for the big dog, he has to go to the vet on Thursday and I think they might take some teeth

today on nextdoor we're arguing about the richmond bridge again

there were a bunch of adult men at the store today spending like. $400 each on Pokémon cards. did something happen or is that just a regular Tuesday for them

stopped by the dispensary this morning (calmest time of day to go) and the cashier was talking to me about my college hoodie and was like what’d you major in and I said journalism and he said not that fake news shit right and I said nah and he said keep doing the lord’s work and I said you too!

movie is such a great name for them. yeah they do

starling (seth rogen): if you could take this survey that would be so awesome. i could get out of your hair before this guy's done jacking off. hannibal lecter (danny mcbride): motherfucker that's miggs. me and him are boys, so you better watch yourself. i'm behind this glass cause i ate some dudes

This is delightful which of course it is because it’s Tim Curry dammit but it contains two earth shattering revelations for the Curryverse and they are 1) he was considered for Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park 2) he read the screenplay for Silence of the Lambs and wanted to be cast as Hannibal Lector

proof of grass touch

wu-tang selling migraine medicine, call that RZA’s triptans