bought six mangoes at costco just in time for my kids to decide they don't like mango right now but that's okay because now. i have six mangoes

This @amybrown.xyz piece at @oaklandreviewofbooks.org is full of banger lines that made me laugh out loud but is also touching and lovely at the same time. www.oaklandreviewofbooks.org/picky-book-r...

Lmao. Been there, brother.

you can sing “shiba at the Costco” to the tune of girlfriend in a coma by the smiths. thanks

if the headline of this article made you mad, you should try actually reading it before yelling at me. it’s not even paywalled. thanks

Genuinely obsessed with this new @coyotemedia.org page for pet obituaries. petobits.coyotemedia.org

subscribe to my email list if you'd like to receive no emails for six months and then suddenly get one with the subject line "tits out at the NICU" at 11am on a random monday: buttondown.com/amybrown

big day for me. my essay published and the ant guy is here (the guy who sprays for ants) (not paul rudd ant man) (ant guy)

A book review that not only makes you want to pick up the book, but reconsider your relationship with birth trauma, your mother, her mother, and mozzarella cheese sticks all at once. (complimentary)

i wrote about my increasingly large son who only wants to eat a beefy five layer burrito from taco bell

Picky-eating American children are afflicted with a form of privilege we don't talk about enough: not-dying privilege. To explain, @amybrown.xyz kicks off our TASTE week: www.oaklandreviewofbooks.org/picky-book-r...

Six year old said he wants to be named Bill. Is this gender

monday cancelled on account of i frew up

ok i chuckled www.epicfurious.com

the definitive millennial album is the jay-z/linkin park album

happy mothers day to this person

got suspended from nextdoor again and I swear to god I didn’t even do anything this time

my son (4): i love you a hundred me: i love you a hundred and one my son: well i love you a trillion me: well i love you two trillion my son: NO! you can't keep doing that!!

we went to meet the cats at cattown oakland :)

need it on a mom crewneck sweatshirt stat

im like dropping hints that im a mom and it’s my day

Opening a lucrative PR firm where for $100k I will hand my wealthy clients a note that says “stop commenting for stories like this”

The Pike’s Peak Humane Society has a social media manager who is very good at their job

If you see a weird-looking dog you have to tell me immediately. If I find out any of you have been looking at weird-looking dogs without involving me I might never forgive you.

I am no longer suspended from Nextdoor and am excited to bring you this comment from a post about Berkeley planning to build 6 townhomes on the site of an abandoned gas station

we got the dog an indoor fountain to encourage him to stop submerging his head in the outdoor fountain

Usually the onion is funny but this is a miss. This has happened to my cousin Tebney & we have no recourse

[local news anchor voice] cut off by a dog? it’s more common than you think

[fox news voice] in california you look over and you’re getting cut off on the freeway by a dog driving a prius

old mans

This dog was a three term mayor of Whoville.

saw a baby blue cybertruck and involuntarily screamed

sorry to christopher nolan but this is the best adaptation of the odyssey

Is it a bad sign if an ominously slowed down version of my leitmotif starts playing when I arrive at the grocery store

this is really heartwarming. two men exchanging symbolic tokens of things the other has no interest in (football, peace)

google showed me this two months ago and it’s forever changed the lexicon of our household. we can’t stop talking about the San Francisco tree

my most right-coded belief is that it sucks that my wife left me

one of the baby birds that lives in our yard flew in the window right past my head and scared the shit out of me

i made this for myself and @samgavin.com and probably 3-5 other people

It’s kind of a dumb website but I use Common Sense Media to just get a kind of ballpark for whether a movie I haven’t seen for a while is ok for my 13yo and sometimes you get galaxy brain stuff like “the usual suspects is like an American tail in that they both have plot twists”

it’d be really funny if they had 10 more jelly roll songs lined up but saw how no one enjoyed the first one so they pressed a big button that says SHAKIRA

caught my mom up on my nextdoor timeout and she told me i have to go down the street and apologize. what would you do if a 37-year-old woman showed up at your door and said "hey my mom told me i have to come over and say sorry"

this is doing so much better than anything i've ever posted on there about needing a job. makes u think

stopped at the dispensary after daycare dropoff and was chatting with the guy about how our mornings are going and he said they’re usually busy at 6am (early commuters and night shift workers) and then he said they’re quiet until [looks me dead in the eye] the moms show up after school dropoff

I would like to recognize Chris and Martin Kratt of children’s television (Zoboomafoo, Wild Kratts) for their outstanding leadership in slutty little shorts for men

oh thanks that’s very flattering but I am parasocially involved with both kratt brothers. it’s very complicated but we make it work

1. poison fist strike to solar plexus 2. 3 rounds speed chess 3. exhume active grave of child's choice 4. desynchronize all house clocks 5. 15 minutes ai slop youtube shorts about hell 6. muay thai practice 7. readalong on child's oppo research dossier 8. lego's 9. gift of $25,000 USD