lost sight of my kid (4) at the playground for a second and found him chatting up one of the moms, who greeted me with “congratulations on your new house! [name] was just telling me about it”

still thinking about last night’s episode of love island usa. the producers should win an emmy and also probably be tried at the hague

love island usa fans are like “you have to get through the first 20 episodes but it really pays off at episode 21” (it’s me im love island usa fans)

The Māori name for France is Wīwī (Oui, oui)

Things seen driving through Ohio today —Silverado driven by ripped dude blasting Avenged Sevenfold —Silverado with front plate reading MUF DIVR —lady hitting a vape and letting out the biggest goddamn cloud I’ve ever seen —The Neil Armstrong Museum, which is directly across from a Waffle House

my husband to the dog: “jesus christ benny” the baby (2): “cheezus kwise”

Horney's (on Main) Clinton, IN

got shrimp fried rice today but i think the shrimp might have been new because he did kind of a bad job frying the rice

Shrimp discourse??

my kind of Jubilee, the Japanese national team vs. 100 kids

I'm Elle🧍‍♀️ from Elle's 👩 Cafe ☕ and it's an absolutely ✨ beautiful 😍 day 🌨️ here today 📅 here in Regina, 👑👸 Saskatchewan 🇨🇦 🍁. Come 🫴 get an 🍨 ice cream cone! 🍦 Better 😤 take one of em 🏙️ city scooters 🛴🛵 for a rip 💨🏁!

they have Fox News on at the Chinese restaurant and this guy is NOT awake

TIL a school district in Mississippi fired an assistant principal for reading "I Need A New Butt!" to second graders a court ordered the district to reinstate him and award backpay, & the state sup ct just declined to take up the district's appeal, so the order stands! www.wapt.com/article/miss...

watching children’s programming can be harrowing because all of a sudden one of the kratt brothers is saying “activate anaconda powers!” and under no circumstances can you make a joke about it

olivia reingold on 60 minutes: “when i say ‘cookies’ you probably think of cookie monster. but what if i told you about a scarier kind of cookie. one the socialists use to track you on the internet.”

i believe in equal rights. people of ALL genders should be able to hit the curb a little bit while parking

My toddler son when he sees any construction equipment.

While looking at different versions of “Jack and the Beanstalk” for my toddler I saw this gem. I call this guy “beanstalk dad” lol

Why did Edith Wharton start a business school? Our podcast aims to find out

please keep me in your thoughts. i had to use threads today and it was terrible

Reminder to sporadically check on your goths in this heat. Check under logs/in shaded graveyards and leave out a little dish of water at dusk.

parenthood is a vibe

oh no oxford pennant has laid a trap specifically for me and thousands of america's millennial dads aaaaa

thinking about monetization. would you pay for this website if it was just @amybrown.xyz explaining Love Island to me?

my kid (4): “how much do you love me?” me: “I love you bigger than space” my kid: “wow. that’s too much”

imagining a grizzled hardboiled detective saying this while gripping some guy's lapels at a shady bar

it's more likely than you think

my friend kate and i were unsuccessful in our quest to secure olivia rodrigo lillith fair tickets booooo. take it on tour queen

people always ask me why i drink so much iced coffee. i actually have a genetic condition where my body doesn’t produce it’s own iced coffee. so i have to make my own and drink it every single day.

♫ don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got til it's gone? ♫ ♫ build housing at BART, block your view of a parking lot ♫

they let me back on nextdoor. here's what the people who fought so hard to make sure we don't get a renovated library in our town are up to. you must keep in mind the person posting this was on the side that won by like 70 percent. (TOD stands for transit-oriented development)

impatiently awaiting the thinkpiece about the ms rachel effect on new york politics (ms rachel endorses you and you win)

went down to the centrist convention. they’re all shaking and crying, I heard one guy say “I’m starting to think a better world IS possible.” the lady next to him slapped him in the face

I’m just glad Rudy Giuliani isn’t alive to see his beloved New York City embrace communism, it would break his heart

Graphic design is my passion.

it’s always “fire whoever made this post” but nobody ever says “are they giving the social media intern enough enrichment in their enclosure?”

one must imagine sisyphus cleaning the reflecting pool

I'm here you fuckaas bitch

my nextdoor account gets reinstated tomorrow. what should i post

They’re calling it the least comprehensible achievement of all time.

i just know the love island producers were inventing new ways to torture their sims back in the day

And now mom says ice cream isn’t dinner. What’s going on? What does this mean? Dinner is food and last time I checked, ice cream is food. So what’s this really all about? The answer is simple: power

to be fair if there were ever a time to break FTC guidelines it's literally right now while nobody works there or gives a shit

There's a whole thing where people don't want to show their kids faces online so they're trying different ways to obscure the identity of a kid but still have them in the video. Frequently people only show a kid from the back or put an emoji over their face. The latest option is Void Child

went to love island and brought back these reaction images for you

one must imagine sisyphus cleaning the reflecting pool

the baby (2) is frustrated because she asked me what hello kitty’s name is and I said “hello kitty” and she said no. what her name and I said “hello kitty” and she said NO. WHAT HER NAME 😡

Just remembered the time I was covering the press tour for Collateral Damage and Arnold was up there in front of a huge banner that said Collateral Damage with the one sheet on it and the reporter in front of me asked "so what's the movie about" and he said "well it's about Collateral Damage"

Would it be helpful if we started a Bad Opinions Google Sheet? For everyone's reference?

throwing open the window and screaming OLIVIA RODRIGO BROUGHT BACK LILITH FAIR