Getting a lectern for my driveway so that when I need to apologize I can go outside and do it like a politician

Before you decide someone couldn't possibly have not known about something easily learned about and that you personally know a lot about, consider this: There are people, prominent people, w/all the privilege and access to history one could have, who still answer the phone when Isaac Chotiner calls

Seinfeld is a such a strange comedian in that he’s one of the few mainstream ones who complained about woke, but not because his shtick was being offensive, but because he just wasn’t funny and folks were realizing it

Happy breakfast, it’s a hot dog

The downside to the leaves falling is that. I can’t pee off my deck because the neighbors can see me now

I don’t have mood swings, I have perfectly understandable reactions to the world I live in

If you have a friend named Eric and you never say their name like a record scratch are you really friends?

I slept like a baby last night (cried myself to sleep and wet the bed)

i NEED to know the backstory here

Are we sure that Tilda Swinton and Anya Taylor joy aren’t related?

Free sleep token concert, just put on pans labyrinth and their music.

Australia's humpback whales are doing so well that their population is expected to reach carrying capacity and plateau in the near future--they have not just reached but exceeded pre-whaling numbers. For this to happen with such a long-lived, slow-reproducing species is near miraculous. #goodnews

a nazi tattoo with a tattoo under it that says “i got this before i knew elon musk was like that”

Crusader kings is just a visual novel for boys who think about Rome too much

And no he won’t wear a coat, he’s smart enough to get the other dogs to take it off

Gotta change his name to earthquake because he’s always shaking

Can this wait, I’m busy self destructing

Real newscasters doing stories on the one piece flag is cracking me up

Asking Cuomo if he condemns other sex pests in interviews the way Mamdani gets asked about Hamas and other things he “needs to condemn”

Wanting to stop an oceans 11 style heist crew is really just your prejudice against small businesses. Please, be better.

Big bang theory is doing nerd face

HHS has decided to join Bluesky after RFK Jr heard people make shitposts here and he wanted to know if he could swim in them

Ridley Scott won’t give us a cheeked up xenomorph because of woke

If there were a Korean Disneyland they had better serve a dish called bibimbap-idy boo

The problem with the torment nexus is that nobody has thought about the scalability that AI enables

Just watched a man at a pizza place shake crushed red pepper into a to go sauce container instead of screwing off the lid and nothing was more emblematic of modern politics than that

I was today years old when I posted this

vibes based medicine

Can we fill that little barrel around the big dogs neck with hot dogs they can distribute to hikers in need

Asking the dentist to feed me a hot dog before the cleaning

It’s not a base, it’s a joint training facility which is individually distinct idea and definitely not another word for one

I think we're witnessing one of the most relatively harmless and whimsical public mental health breakdowns of all time.

The best part about AI being so forced into everything now is that it’s not even good but now we have to suffer it because someone thought they would make/save a few bucks

What if we just had a chill time! At the disco

I put a song by Red jumpsuit apparatus on for my kid (long story) and it reminded me of a friend. Idk if that is an insult to them or not

Bicycxual, sexually attracted to riding bikes

Garlic knots are peak Italian cuisine (pizza is American I’ll die on that hill)

Trying to teach my Australian shepherd that while I appreciate his impressive vertical, closing the bottom of the dutch door is meant as a boundary not a high jump obstacle

Do you think the dentist is using that suction thing to fill their stillsuits?

It has to be really hard to believe in media literacy when every example of it has you as the bad guy. I’m begging for some folks to have a “are we the baddies” moment

I’ve never heard a slam poem that made me want to slam somebody

The true measure of decline in buying power for the middle class

Osama Bon Jovi

Talking to car guys about their cars the way you compliment a child on their artwork

The funniest part about this post is that anyone who believed in germ theory or the efficacy of vaccines post 2020 would be considered not credible to Republican voters

Idk what a Marcelo Zarvos is but dude must have paid apple good money because everytime my kid requests k pop demon hunters from Siri (and half the time when I do it) it plays his music

You didn’t get raptured because you play with yourself.

Could you be “jUsT aSkInG qUeStIoNs” about useful shit

Did I miss the rapture? Sorry, was in the shower