There is no better feeling than DMing a coworker a joke while you’re in a meeting and watching them fight to maintain composure

Babe are you okie dokie? You've barely touched your artichokie.

My favorite person is the one who only replies to something via quote post

Hard times make hard men Hard men make funny noises while alone until they’re soft men again

I'll come to your party if there's no one else but me and it's also at my house.

Someone getting upset about the cowboys loosing a football game. Me: damn that’s just like the Alamo

There was a fun whimsical house I used to drive by, it was green with yellow shutters and accents, the shutters had little heart cutouts. I saw it had gone up for sale -_- now it’s black and boring

I don’t watch football but a lot of folks on my team are Seahawks fans, so whenever it comes up I’m a fake patriots fan

My favorite Christmas song “big dawg it’s cold outside”

it really is the gaming industry’s greatest comeback story imo

a Spotify unwrapped but it’s just me ranking every hot dog I’ve had this year

Sleep token is Taylor swift for people who still listen to MCR

It’s so funny to me that the Facebook glasses didn’t get the Google glass treatment, especially with these weirdos disabling the record light

I just saw a jeep with a big decal of Aaliyah’s character from Queen of the damned lol

I’ve never met a person named Marcus that wasn’t just a lil guy you could put in your pocket

Why do the members of chainsmokers both look like Andrew Garfield

Could you imagine missionaries if they were spreading a good thing, that would be rad dawg

I’m sure this says a lot about me and/or my youth

As a person who used to love annually, I’ve spent the last 4 years in the same home and it bothers me more than you can imagine that I’ve gotten too much stuff to pack/move quickly

Drink of Theseus, refilling before it’s empty so I’ve only had one

That stop antisemitism group has got to be an op, I refuse to believe that they exist for any reason other than to discredit the idea of antisemitism. Lmao

We’ve entered some people’s favorite part of the year, doing unpaid ads for Spotify season

i get not wanting to be informed bc i am informed and lemme tell you it sucks

I'm sure this is rage bait but cannot express how badly I think this guy should actually build this house, because I desperately want to take a tour of it and see how fucked it is. let it stand as a monument to the actual quality of chatgpt

Jokes on you, I can’t self reflect, my Memory is broken and doesn’t work

It’s funny to me to see AI folks flabbergasted that folks don’t really like AI when their post occasionally breaks containment from their bubble

There’s a difference between fizzy drink and a white monster

Having a 6 year old is hard because if I joke about banishing her to the shadow realm she takes me seriously every time

The way hating trans women breaks peoples brains in a way that it consumes their every waking moment should really be studied

Graham Linehan is a normal and well man.

cooking tip: add unpopped popcorn to your hamburger patties to give the person grilling them a fun surprise

Starting season 4 of stranger things, is Mike gonna complete his transformation into a bird in the 5th?

I wanna know who’s idea it was to tap Lina Khan for ftc, they should have more ears in the party apparatus than your Ezra Kleins and Rahm Emanuel types

Why is everyone worried about RAM prices rn, just download some more for free

Cornbred huh, I didn’t know they could reproduce

Marx never accounted for 4 year olds

No Job for Old Cowboys

Lisa Gilroy is my biggest fear. If I ever see her on the street I am running in the opposite direction, she might pry open my jaw and climb down my throat I don’t know what she’d do

Pluribus was inspired by the idea of the woke mind virus

Don’t bring your light allergies and food sensitivities to the menu at Thanksgiving gatherings, just get diarrhea and deal with it like the rest of us

The idea of private islands is such a wild thing

“Who let the dogs out” was really about the Baja men learning that people take their shoes off in houses

get honk-shook’d motherfucker

Bolognese is a portmanteau of bologna and mayonnaise

The new Bluesky app icon looks not good

Bitch ass-less chaps

Some dudes with abs have the cum gutters (sorry that’s the only name I know for the V), some of us are more responsible home owners (eat more) and have installed cum gutter covers

Clay Higgins feels like a name you would make up for someone involved in the kkk

Zelda being a girl because of woke, Link should be gay