It would be really funny to put Karl Marx on money

It won't be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It'll be me laughing at an inappropriate time.

Why is it spelled Chloe and not Clowey

There is nothing more precious or valuable than time . . . so I'm going to sign off now and go do something productive, like watch TV.

Did you guys manage to salvage your bonks yet? Or is ksmog still flipping a gronk?

I am so incredibly pissed off I live in a timeline where this sentence is even possible, tbh

I wanna make a skeleton key but making a skin key was painful enough.

Why do they call it a funeral, it’s not very fun

antinatalism is way too cool sounding of a word for it to mean “being fucking annoying about shit that doesn’t apply to you”

It’s so funny seeing people who have never watched soccer have a take. I’m talking about me here, and I stand by my ask to put the players back on the sticks so they’re easy to spin

Did we ever get a more normal sized mermaid or just the little one?

Alex Ke is, if not arguably one of the best short film makers in Seattle, he's at least my absolute favorite. www.tiktok.com/t/ZTSmJ4cMd/

Gay agenda, meet trans mission

Wait is “going to powder my nose” meant to mean do cocaine?

I aspire to make every day of my life a beach episode

I don't let my age define me, but the side effects are getting harder to ignore.

The thing about “we have all 4 seasons” here in CT is that 5 months of the year everything looks dead and gray. It’s so bleak

Are my problems relatively easily fixable, yes. Will doing do remove my ability to complain, also yes, so they will persist

I’m constantly mixing up wonderwall and jumper by third eye blind for the first minute of each song

Conkers bad fur day ttrpg

It must be so refreshing to put cucumber slices on your balls

Is there a dogovy to make it so my dog isn’t hungry all the time

I’ve questioned my sexually before, but I realized I doing really like iced coffees

Steamed too many dumplings, obviously I can’t let them go to waste

Making the 4th of July an international day of celebration would be kinda fun

Wagwan, but no wagtwo or wagthree?

Good morning news, what fresh hell are you here to tell me about now

Private equity is so funny because it’s like what if you like a thing but it’s awful now

I enjoy John brown as much as any leftist but some of yall larping john brown and being lib as hell

Man, I’ve been sleeping on comfort food

Petitioning to change Kentucky to Kentuckeigh

My go to when I either don’t remember or don’t want to spoil a piece of media with someone, by a big shrug and saying “who’s to say”, girlfriend catching onto me using it for the former.

establishing dominance over my dog by eating a bully stick right in front of him

forgive me officer but how exactly is being naked on a riding lawnmower illegal if I’m sitting on my penis

one day on this app i'll go "the rising sun flag and other symbols of hate are bad and should not be displayed" and all the white people will go "yes, correct" and then stop talking but not today

if i got pulled over for drunk driving i would just play dead until the cop drove away.

There are two types of people in the world. The small minded people who want to get rid of lead paint, and everyone else who rightfully recognizes lead paint is a delicious snack.

Yes but have you considered, smol bean?

Sundress film festival

My most controversial take about the Olympics is that there shouldn’t be sports whose points are subjective (gymnastics, diving, etc)

“We gave you Donald trump, what more do you want from us” -centrist Dems

my toxic trait is hearing criticism and thinking "finally someone sees the vision"

President big naturals mod

Packed to the grills, like a dad

Nothing says normal stable person like a poster just hunting down every post they don’t like in a thread to post a screed

It’s amazing how John Robert’s isn’t constantly written about as one of the primary people lighting the country on fire

You can’t just say perchance

I had bone spurs when the culture wars were fought

Was gonna send a thing from Bluesky to a more offline friend and realized I’d have to explain so much of why it’s funny that I need to log off