Mama once said, never look a gift horse in the mouth. I don’t know what all that means, but look, free dinner!

For the low, low price of $49.99, I'll attend your social function and make it awkward! Guaranteed to make your guests leave early. You'll have enough leftover food, libations, and weed for a week, and enough time to tend to Bsky and chill. Call now: 1-666-295-9273. Operators are standing by!

Ooof

moothole is now a word w varying defs

*giving the college commencement speech* this planet exists in an airless, unforgivable void, making our lives here nothing short of an improbable miracle, & the only relief from the endless parade of misery seems to be the willingness to embrace sweet death. good luck out there.

Thank fuck. It’s about time.

It appears building an entire country over an ancient Native American burial ground has caught up with us

be careful out there - a couple more trillionaires and people are gonna start realizing that money is fake

happy #SquirrelSunday to all who celebrate

DB Cooper.

Holy Goblin Time

capybaras and shapes

some people are good at relationships some people are good at gynecology I’m good at making every situation as awkward as possible

Big news to bring you from the beavers at Holnicote...

👨‍🍳

Saw so many great signs at the protest yesterday but my favorite was the ominous gathering of ravens who blocked out the sun and whispered to us that our end was nigh and also an adorable puppy named Teddie who was carrying a squeaky ball

GM 🖤

“I asked ChatGPT”- ok well I asked the mycelium and it said to plant more trees and to tell you to return to the forest

being unfollowed and unfollowing back is worse than divorce

this is not AI, it’s a real place in mackinaw city, michigan that decided to put a giant hot dog on their roof, if only it was real 🤤 #SausageSqualorSaturday

Has anyone listened to the new flea album? I am digging it open.spotify.com/album/4RsSln...

change dot org petition to bring back public hangings

many people are saying this, and they’re saying this because it is very true! birds are very good for the soul

Listen. They have so much to say.

🏆

I don't like musicals, they're boring, but there's an exception. Happy belated 84th birthday Richard O'Brien! RHPS 🎉🎈🥳🎸

Hey chat, I'm old as fuck and am looking for friends. Has anyone late 40s early 50s had any luck on any apps? Recommendations?

Yep! 🙃 #greenwitchtea #greenwitch #animism #introvert #peace

Don't set your heart on anything. It's super messy and potentially fatal.

I don’t need perfection, I need reciprocity. There’s a difference.

Off to bed for this old man. We start all over again tomorrow. One day we will figure it out.

Post reporters called the White House. Their phones showed 'Epstein Island.'
 Someone messed with Google's widely cited databases of business listings.

Ep 5 Knight of seven kingdoms is crazy!!!

just like me fr

me: do not say the r word scooby doo: ruh roh

Jan 6th 2020 The erection before the insurrection

This is me!

You think getting angry and yelling about everything will help change the world, but you’re actually just wasting your life away being mad

I just got a snow squall warning 5-15 cm oh boy!

Performing oral sex on a boneless piece of fish is filletio.

I feel you Toad

It’s about that time

let’s get this party OVERRRRRRRRRRRRR

[a single grain of pollen enters my nose] My sinuses: We refuse to work in this hostile environment.

As an infosec guy. This is top tier advice.

on the plus side now i can bring $300 of groceries inside with one hand