Hold up. Dawg...he's the most honest dealer I know. It's all good.

7 days later...I meant Collinsworth

Cheap beer shits. Puts a damper on my butthole agenda.

I'm low on gas and you need a jacket

this is so sweet

Just drinking shitty beer and stretching my butthole

Oh, goodness. Blew out my flip flop.

Flashback for October 4, 2025 25 points 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🟥🟩 Play here: www.nytimes.com/interactive/...

SOUTH CAROLINA… “Judge Goodstein was walking on the beach when the fire started. Her husband, Arnie, was in the house with children and perhaps grandchildren. The family had to escape by jumping from a window or balcony...” www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

I'm a comedian in the streets but I'm a playful tease in the sheets!

ICE is hog tying protesters in Portland and removing them on Dollies. This is dangerous and could cause serious injury. The Department of Homeland Security thinks it’s a joke. They’ve shared this video with the tagline “Refuse to Walk? We’ll give you a ride”. Stay strong Portland.

Cocaine so white it gets enraged with the Superbowl halftime show.

NEW: Extraordinary scenes in Amsterdam this afternoon (Sunday, Oct 5). An estimated 250,000 bring the city to a standstill; people all wearing red to show solidarity with Palestine 🇵🇸 (🎥 Ahmed Zantac)

No sportsball in Wisconsin today 🫤

My daughter chose to buy this book at the Book Fair in 5th grade. I was proud! Topic: WWII, ages 7 & up. #booksky

Bad Bunny straight killing it on Saturday Night Live 🤣😂😅

My left butt cheek has a spider bite. (It's true)

went to a lesbian brothel saw they got rules on how the maximum length ur fingernails gotta be walked out

Diddy... buddy... the book says positive thinking. this doesn't look very positive at all

hey @govpritzker.illinois.gov your boys are running fuckin wild

My coworker habitually makes goat noises

My bra is creaking I'm not amused

Sometimes when I’m on a plane I get sad there’s no SkyMall catalogue anymore but I guess the entire internet is SkyMall now

The regime banned non government drones from flying over Chicago for 12 days They’re suppressing the media Without drones, it’s difficult to capture the black hawks. The children being dragged from the homes in the middle of the night They know the world is watching, & they don’t want us to see

What fresh tactical hell is this?!

Let's sum up the first 2 innings in Milwaukee. Brewers: 20 hitters came to bat 14 of them reached base 9 runs 3 hits by Jackson Chourio in 2 innings Cubs: 2 guys in their lineup haven't even gotten an AB yet! It's the most Brewers game ever

Brewers have a six run first inning in game 1 of the playoff series against the Cubs

Halloween makeover by @riotgrlerin.bsky.social 🧡🖤

Reached for the open Diet Coke can, actually picked up the piss warm Coors light can. My taste buds alerted me to my mistake.

occasionally getting wasted and shooting the shit with strangers on the internet is your social life and that’s ok

It's 6am I'm ready for the Brewers game 💙⚾💛 & New episode of Saturday Night Live (Host: Bad Bunny)

Periodic reminder: if you’re over 35, you should be getting up from the floor unassisted once a day to make sure you still can. If it ever gets difficult, you need to do some weight training. Why? Someday, you will fall. Being able to get up can be the difference between a few bruises or dying.

my neighbor: hi me: please stop bothering me

@brucecoffman.bsky.social "Trap House Chic"

Vibestime

Every time I hear someone say "take a look" I respond "it's in a book."

Those kids have lived through active shooter drills their entire life and I don't think adults understand how that changes an entire generation of kids. They have run scenarios in their head for years. To have an outlet like this, to be able to take action to protect each other? They were *ready*.

To understand what Pat Murphy means to Craig Counsell and what Counsell means to Murphy, you have to go back to a half-frozen field in South Bend in the fall of 1989. As they meet in the NLDS, here are some favorite tales of a long baseball friendship. ⤵️ www.mlb.com/news/craig-c...

My neighbors yard is so sick

I'm at war with an ass-biting spider Lil fucker got away. Also have a centipede the size of a small mouse. He's waterproof, apparently.

I feel trapped I need a day away from this building These people are sucking my soul I haven't been in a car in weeks

Women are having less babies because of butthole

my mom told me she been dealing with something called paranormalpause so I told her to call a priest

I love how you guys love Halloween. It's getting me back into the spirit!

Re: DC generally and the Metro specifically, if living in Oakland for 13 years has taught me anything, it's that a lot of people can't tell the difference between being unsafe and the mere presence of non-white people.

🤣🤣

Stephanopoulos drops a truth bomb on Johnson….

Men: *on safari naked* Elephants: *staring* HOW do they eat with that thing?