Who the hell was asking for this. It’s like the films (plural!) about the Andrew interview all over again. Navel gazing idiocy from TV media.

Ex-Tottenham and England forward Chivers dies aged 80 - www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba... One of those players who was 15-20 years ahead of his time

Liver, bacon and onions in a rich gravy with cabbage and florets. And mash, lots of fluffy mash.

The thing about Incognito albums are that they are always there or thereabouts

A tragedy and another story of shortcomings in social health care but if a man's face has ever suited their name I've yet to see it.

Dedication is cutting your loved one's toe nails. Devotion is using the foot file to smooth off. True love is using a peppermint foot scrub oil to finish. Back off ladies, I'm taken.

Aphra Behn's The Rover. I didn't turn up to the lectures for the eight weeks the tutor was doing it. I tried reading it but it was boring and it meant nowt. I ended up dropping out altogether.

Looks like West Ham have agreed to release Callum Wilson

Like I said the other day, she's just another Ang San Suun Kyi in waiting. She'll use American force to put down any protests against her if she's installed as a client leader.

The sweat was lashing ofay Sick Boy; he was trembling under the power of the la-z-boy hot tub, now just £69.99 in the Argos summer sale

Why do radio presenters use Googleable stuff for content? Joe McGrath this morning was blabbering on about having Christmas stuff leftover and specifically, loads of chilli coated peanuts, and he wanted to know what to do with them. My first thought was to blitz them with a bit of coconut ↓

I think the dunnock is saying to the pigeon “you're a bit too chunky for the feeders, pal”

Cocaine is helluva drug

War with America! After we have sunk their navy we sail to the eastern seaboard and take over. We then send them to reeducation camps so they learn how to make a proper brew.

It's a nuts way to run things. What if Fergie said ‘git tae fuck, youze’?

The house smells how I think the houses on EastEnders smell. Smoked bacon. Just cooked 16 strips of streaky to cut up into the liver and onion casserole we are having for tea. With mash and veg.

I know the answer to this. It’s because he’s a psychopathic cunt.

We are having baked sea bass, baby potatoes, carrots, sprouts and a lemon butter sauce. But need a shower. I smell bad. Really bad.

16k for the evening. Second weight session. A mixture of heavier lifts, different reps (7-5-3) and same weights, higher reps = more calories burned than either cardio. 🏋🏼‍♂️💪🏼

Champ-e-o-nay! Champ-e-o-nay! Ole ole ole!

There are too many to quote. I have scars all over from childhood mishaps. The main one was tripping up down my grandma's outside steps because I was running for ice cream money and split my head open on the metal door frame.

M&M Direct have just suggested via email that it's the perfect time to start running, or train for that big event. Really? 🌨️ 🧊❄️🥶

If the US are so concerned about oil rich nations being run as gun running - narco - terrorist dictatorships why don't they invade Saudi/Qatar/UAE?

Sexualised images of this and that. If I was Sabrina Carpenter's dad I'd be like, at least put a cardi on, you'll catch your death in that get up.

I await the moment this happens and Starmer drops his briefs, lubes up his sheriff's badge and lets the orange paedo do whatever he wants.

I see your ma has been in Wetherspoons again

Jimmy Beckett is a tremendous throwback name in a sea of Finlays, Scotts and Zacks. And instantly you know what sport he plays. It's such a rugby league name.

When it’s been a while between waxing appointments

Time on his hands now he's retired

Every great journey starts with the smallest steps. 💪🏼🚲🏋🏼‍♂️

Are you sure this isn't an online request to Epstein from Trump? #satire #EndVAWG #enough

The broth is, as ever, amazing. Used white pepper instead of black to give it a kick and it doesn't disappoint.

Let's all laugh at United Day always comes round too soon.

They didn't even give him two more games to fuckup. Who are they going to get considering the interference Amorim has alleged? No coach or manager would go into such a dysfunctional setup, even if it is Man United.

Twatted my head on the boot door because it was frozen and didn't open quicker than normal. I feel a fortnight in hospital is the bare minimum I need to recover.

Like what? Murder? If I was Venezuela I'd deploy troops at the oil refineries and tell the orange paedo to try and take it.

The slow cooker has just beeped. This means the scotch broth is ready.

-6? Cheers Alexa, kids are excited now.

I feel it would make an excellent sitcom if only BBC or C4 were to give it a proper budget.

BBC News - Auschwitz survivor Eva Schloss dies aged 96 as King leads tributes www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... May her memory always be a blessing.

www.bbc.co.uk/sport/footba... He's two bad results away from the Spanish archer

From tomorrow. Less cardio, more weight and strength strength stuff. The 20kg barbell is due on Wednesday. I don't know when the stepper arrives but will be put to use straight away. My knees 🙏🏽† amen.

1. Poached 2. Omelette 3. Scrambled 4. Fried

George Orwell stayed here. There's a little brass plaque on the tiny gnoll commemorating it. Me and my mate once had a drunken fight/wrestle here because I wanted to read it and he wanted to catch the Chinese before it closed. In the end we spent that long fighting we missed the chippy.

www.bbc.co.uk/sport/boxing... *Ah shit, here we go again gif*

#sumsnur Snow is like Geri Halliwell. It's pretty to look at but you wouldn't want it hanging around.

Do you know who'd have been great in a modern crisis? Harold Macmillan. Peston and Mason wanking themselves into a fury, clambering for a quote to misconstrue. Only for Macmillan to reply “events dear boy, events”.