I'm skittering around!

I hung my curtains up on the outside of my window so my neighbors can decide whether they want to look into my house or not

Put me down for one order of free gems and jewels

Disappointing that they cast the same guy as both Superman and supporting character Clark Kent, a reporter who barely contributes to the plot. Unnecessarily distracting, sucked me right out of the movie

Phoebe Bridgers did a surprise set last night on the same stage where I did a shrieking Howie Mandel impression with my noise rock band only five days earlier

Showtunes should be banned from karaoke

They should make a horror movie that explores grief, and trauma

They're making a new movie about Toy Story

The name's Bond. Jay Bond. I'm going by "Jay" now

ai images always turn out with a brownish tint as a way to remind you that they are crappy turds of shit that got pooped out of a butt

Marty McFly shoulda banged that hot chick who was coming on to him the whole movie

music videos should be weird and insane not little movies you make until you can make actual movies

It was smart of Goodwill to take all the cool stuff that they would normally sell in their stores and put it on their shitty auction website that doesn't work

The robot dog from Jimmy Neutron never wronged me. But the rest of those freaks are banished from the kingdom of Heaven

My piss smells like crap

It's that magical time of year

Doritos on a paper plate just hit different

people always say they lost their license when they mean it was revoked. i lost my license when i crashed my car into the police station and it fell out of my pocket and a rat stole it

Just stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks from some rich asshole and bumped into his ceiling. He has no idea lmao

There's Place Like Home, My Ass (There's No Place Like Home)

One of the characters on Seinfeld was called Elaine Penis. You can't make this up

I would like to eat one hundred cookies

Actors should be fined one million dollars every time they make a blooper

got a good deal on some chips today

It's good to have ants in your home because they take care of any crumbs you have lying around

There's got to be at least a hundred Simpsons episodes by now

Denvis

George Lucas based a lot of the stuff in Star Wars off of his imagination

Congrats to Fripp & Eno for winning the award for "Ambient Duo Whose Name Most Sounds Like Something Ned Flanders Might Say"

The Simpsons is anime

I actually saw Baby Yoda playing in the front yard today with his dad. They seemed merry

70s movie directors were like "oh boy, time to murder some animals on camera! 🤩"

Piss is just pee with a master's degree

Without thinking list your top ten favorite baits you like to engage with

At the date comic

Born too late to direct a low budget comedy for Touchstone Pictures called "In-Laws and Outlaws" starring Charles Grodin that would have been a massive critical and commercial failure. Oh well

Mr Pibb used to be a dollar at the gas station by my house but now it's $2.49. I knew this day would come but it still feels too soon

Would anyone care to engage with my bait?

t-shirts in the 1600s were like "who faurted"

I just won America's Next Top Baller Ass Motha Effer

Hop in my Chrysler it's as big as a whale and it's taking you to jail

BRAIN RIDDLE: Level Expert Q: I had a piece of pizza last night for dinner, and a piece from the same pizza for lunch today. How is this possible? A: it was leftovers

It really can't be overstated how orange the president is. That dude really is orange as hell

I knew Grogu when his name was still Groguell Macintosh. He was the quiet kid in our theatre class until he got up and did the final monologue from Eric Bogosian’s Talk Radio and blew us all away. He was the real deal. An actor’s actor. But nothing corrodes integrity like money.

I always thought that Grand Frank Railrude would be a pretty crappy name for a band

It is very stupid that "pilt" is not a real word... yet

A lot of the little gadgets shown on The Flintstones would be almost comical if they weren't so historically inaccurate

verbose alien comics

RIDLEY SCOTT: I am making a movie about an ultra badass hero who fights an alien. The character is named Ridley EXECUTIVE: Isn't that your name? RIDLEY SCOTT: I said Ripley