I can't be the only one who thinks Robin Williams would be great at improv if he were still with us

Magicians ought to keep their illusions to themselves. They know what they're doing is wrong

"Epic moments make for the most legendary memories.." -my next tattoo

This isn't the right time for anachronisms

I wanna get out of bed but I don't want to get out of bed

We made our Bowlsonas ( @rinbcage.bsky.social , @animalstressdreams.bsky.social )

Does anyone know that new sound my cousin is looking for?

Lightning bolts, neck bolts... Frankenstein is straight up addicted to bolts

Remember: you can't spell "b*llshit" without BS!!

Some tossers are right mental. And they're taking the piss

Skeletons are basically the bones of the human anatomy

I'm gonna start calling Channing Tatum "Charming Tatum"— and there ain't a d*mn think you can do about it!!

Come on barbie let’s go parbie

My opinion about K-Pop Demon Hunters is that I am an extremely old (33yo) man who mostly watches movies so slow and boring that they are basically indistinguishable from photographs, and I fear that such a film would upset my delicate and frail sensibilities

AITA: I (33,M) made you a cookie but I eated it

"Were you born in a barn?" -King Herod trying to track down Jesus

Rawdogging the last 35 minutes of my shift (finished my word puzzle and can of soda)

E.T. is a queer icon

"The Scottish island of Summerisle, home of the best fruit in Britain. The first thing you notice? No churches. The farmers here practice a fascinating form of pre-Christian worship…and I just learned I'll be playing the lead role in their annual May Day festival. First stop: my costume fitting."

This little stain is the saddest thing I've ever seen. And there's nothing I can do about it. Fuck

ASIMO with a gun

The earliest memory I have is being born, cause I distinctly remember thinking "ugh not again"

I'm as beautiful as a bumblebee, and twice as tall

Shocking leaked audio reveals my dentist calling me a "little soda pig"

drink soda club I'm gonna keep on drinkin at the drink soda club

A lot of really good movies came out in the 1970s, but a lot of really bad movies came out then, as well. So it’s impossible to make an assessment on movies from the 1970s. Thank you

Mr. Bean Science Theater 3000

Real eyes realize real guys

I hope I never have an Elvis sighting. That man is supposed to be dead. My first thought would be I'm fucked. I shouldn't be seeing this and I'm fucked

The most astonishing thing about Robert Eggers' obsessive commitment to total historical accuracy in his films is that he isn't even bald

I am once again listening to Kimono My House by Sparks. This album absolutely spanks. The bass tone is currently spanking every ass in town

I hope I never have an Elvis sighting. That man is supposed to be dead. My first thought would be I'm fucked. I shouldn't be seeing this and I'm fucked

Me and my friend The Joker are tired of pretending that some stuff is not

“the pharaoh’s tomb is cursed! the necromancer’s ring is cursed! the witch’s grimoire is cursed!” that’s how you sound. everything is fucking cursed with you bro. i don’t care. i’m taking this skull.

Sometimes I think French onion soup should be called "French onion goop," because of how goopy it is. Some days it's all I can think about

NOW THAT'S A GOOD FRIDAY

Oh man, just found this old exchange between @tiny.baby, @ugarles.bsky.social, and Chili’s

Almost forgot: I waved at a turkey while driving to work yesterday

It's not the job I want, but I think I would be really good as a bumbling security guard whose gentle nature is easily exploited by criminals

Learning about the OceanGate Titan

Almost every company I follow on Facebook has announced an incredible new product today, stuff that seems outside the realm of possibilty. Pinch me.. I must be dreaming!!

untreated head injuries are IN

They're the same picture

They should make Energy Beer

I see there's a movie called "Mary Shelley's Frankenstein" and I think "No she isn't" but then I consider that she did create all of those characters, so in a metaphorical sense, she is Frankenstein

You don't really see people doing robot rollcalls much anymore

I'm old enough to remember when Pharrell had a big hat

Opening Craigslist and typing "not really looking for anything at the moment but thanks" into the search bar

They should give trophies simply for participating in events

piping hot pipes