Steve
@extranapkins.bsky.social
📤 1255
📥 68
📝 90
(reading the news to my wife) Huh, so they're coming out with a new Serum, which is only to be sold in extremely tiny glass bottles. Perhaps due to its concentrated powerfulness
4 days ago
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Scientists have discovered a new kind of dust which is up to 10 times dustier than regular dust
5 days ago
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At the airport I saw a grown up middle aged adult man pouring a packet of flavor powder in to a bottle of water. That's the kind of stuff you see at the airport
6 days ago
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Wipe the last haole the fuck off our turf
7 days ago
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If you're going to tell someone an unflattering celebrity you think they look like, you can just say it to them, you don't have to specify that they "probably get this all the time" first
7 days ago
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The doctor circumcising me asking if I want it squared off or tapered
9 days ago
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Hard to suspend my disbelief while watching Westerns... Seems hard to believe that not a single cowboy would come up with the technology for smokebombs, nunchaku, blow darts, etc, and easily dominate the Old West
10 days ago
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What if it was Rogan Atkinson, he’d probably get his head stuck in a uhhhhhhhhh sensory depravation chamber
10 days ago
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About me
11 days ago
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Oncologist flipping open file folder: I’m afraid your liver is unc
12 days ago
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Lenny Kravitz is Bawma in 007 First Light.
12 days ago
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Ten years ago “boingo hotspot” was one of the worst collections of syllables you could hear. But now it’s a beloved phrase we all love to encounter
13 days ago
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It's somewhat of an impossible dichotomy,
14 days ago
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Hey, Wicked For Good when you're done taking care of that green lady, we have our own funny colored supervillain here on planet Earth that we need your help with. And he's in the White House
15 days ago
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If I was a kid and my parents had tattoos I'd be pissed. Each one of those things is like $200 that could be cash money in my pocket
16 days ago
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Oh no an evil clown just showed up and is doing some clown tricks. Hopefully it’s normal versions of the clown tricks and not evil versions of them
18 days ago
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Taking my big pants college daughter out for lunch at the local food hall
18 days ago
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GeoCities began as BHI, which stood for Beverly Hills Internet,
18 days ago
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Five anonymous Pentagon officials confirm that everyone in power actually had their eyes closed and ears plugged during all the parts when the war crimes were committed
22 days ago
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New movie about Jesse Eisenberg profiling Hailey Welch called The End of the Tuah
24 days ago
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Indiana Jones seeing a piece of poop in an old dungeon: Poop... I hate this stuff
25 days ago
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You gotta respect MJ for picking a quack murder doctor with the perfect level of funny name - not too over the top ridiculous, but just specific enough that I laugh every time someone says their doctor is Dr. Conrad Murray
27 days ago
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They should make a movie about a neurotic, fastidious fat guy and a skinny guy who’s a mess
28 days ago
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28 days ago
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They should make an Eyes Wide Shut for Thanksgiving
28 days ago
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Sad to think that at this point in his career if actor and comedian Steve Martin were to die from accidentally getting shot through the head with an arrow, it wouldn't even be that funny or ironic anymore. It would mostly just be a horrific tragedy
29 days ago
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It's pronounced Olivia Noose-y because having to hear about her makes you want to stick your damn head in one!
29 days ago
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I've invented a brand new type of dance, called the Boot Scootin' Boogie
about 1 month ago
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According to today's WSJ, setting money on fire makes up 90% of GDP growth. Trying to extinguish the money fire could trigger a recession. We can't afford to put out the money fire
about 1 month ago
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The fruits are obtusely 3-lobed, densely papillose capsules
about 1 month ago
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Rap is bad now because they don't make any good products anymore. You used to be able to rap about Bubble Goose jackets and Coogi sweaters and the Cutlass Ciera, and rap was good, but now you can only rap about bluetooth speakers and $150 sweatpants and those mesh shoes everyone has
about 1 month ago
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Beginning to suspect my latest gang stalking target assignment is a secret shopper hired by the company to covertly assess my gang stalking performance
about 1 month ago
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about 1 month ago
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They’re shooting my ass with darts that make me more awake
about 1 month ago
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The store getting in a brand new seasonal beer and it rings up 50% off because they use the same UPC as the old seasonal beer they were trying to get rid of. Not many feelings in life better than that
about 1 month ago
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Forgot to let the flavors meld when I was cooking tonight. All the flavors stayed separate
about 1 month ago
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Experts believe that due to his well-documented love of having his thang sucked on, former president Bill Clinton may have received immense pleasure from the oral by current president Donald Trump.
about 1 month ago
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Wrote a song about Dianne Wiest in my head last night while watching Hannah and Her Sisters that would be a 100% number one billboard pop hit. But I forgot to write it down at all and it’s gone now
about 1 month ago
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When you get a job at a newspaper you have to check if it's one of the ones where you report on child sex trafficking rings or one of the ones where you call to warn the child sex traffickers that other people are reporting on them
about 1 month ago
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Scientist 1: Could I have some of Hitler's DNA please? For doing experiments on Scientist 2: Yes here you go
about 1 month ago
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Lots of pissed off people online who are apparently learning about the Democratic Party for the first time today
about 2 months ago
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about 2 months ago
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Getting the surgery where they take 2 inches out of each femur and use it to make one of my arms 4 inches longer
about 2 months ago
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Artificial sweetener Aspartame is named after the ancient Greek city of Sparta. All the scientists were watching the movie 300 and saying "Welcome to Sparta, bitch!" and doing the moves on each other when they got the idea for it
about 2 months ago
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They're steaming my ass in a special tray
about 2 months ago
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reposted by
Steve
Alex Degen (Magic Serple 2025)
about 2 months ago
Love reading about the arts
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Bread people aren't allowed to say "boule" anymore. You guys have to come up with a new word for that, you can't be saying "boule"
about 2 months ago
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At Chipotle and the employees are letting me decide how much food to put in all the delivery orders. They're holding up a small scoop of food and I'm doing a slow thumbs down like in Gladiator to say the scoop should be even smaller
about 2 months ago
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About me
2 months ago
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I found a pair of special sunglasses which have enlightened me to the secret truth about our society, which is that everything is slightly too bright all the time
2 months ago
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