Steve
@extranapkins.bsky.social
📤 1290
📥 74
📝 97
Le jumpscare
1 day ago
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9 days ago
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11 days ago
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16 days ago
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Bad stuff
17 days ago
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17 days ago
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Beaver tracks
24 days ago
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(reading the news to my wife) Huh, so they're coming out with a new Serum, which is only to be sold in extremely tiny glass bottles. Perhaps due to its concentrated powerfulness
about 2 months ago
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Scientists have discovered a new kind of dust which is up to 10 times dustier than regular dust
about 2 months ago
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At the airport I saw a grown up middle aged adult man pouring a packet of flavor powder in to a bottle of water. That's the kind of stuff you see at the airport
about 2 months ago
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If you're going to tell someone an unflattering celebrity you think they look like, you can just say it to them, you don't have to specify that they "probably get this all the time" first
about 2 months ago
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The doctor circumcising me asking if I want it squared off or tapered
about 2 months ago
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Hard to suspend my disbelief while watching Westerns... Seems hard to believe that not a single cowboy would come up with the technology for smokebombs, nunchaku, blow darts, etc, and easily dominate the Old West
about 2 months ago
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What if it was Rogan Atkinson, he’d probably get his head stuck in a uhhhhhhhhh sensory depravation chamber
about 2 months ago
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About me
about 2 months ago
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Oncologist flipping open file folder: I’m afraid your liver is unc
about 2 months ago
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Lenny Kravitz is Bawma in 007 First Light.
about 2 months ago
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Ten years ago “boingo hotspot” was one of the worst collections of syllables you could hear. But now it’s a beloved phrase we all love to encounter
about 2 months ago
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It's somewhat of an impossible dichotomy,
2 months ago
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Hey, Wicked For Good when you're done taking care of that green lady, we have our own funny colored supervillain here on planet Earth that we need your help with. And he's in the White House
2 months ago
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If I was a kid and my parents had tattoos I'd be pissed. Each one of those things is like $200 that could be cash money in my pocket
2 months ago
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Oh no an evil clown just showed up and is doing some clown tricks. Hopefully it’s normal versions of the clown tricks and not evil versions of them
2 months ago
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Taking my big pants college daughter out for lunch at the local food hall
2 months ago
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GeoCities began as BHI, which stood for Beverly Hills Internet,
2 months ago
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Five anonymous Pentagon officials confirm that everyone in power actually had their eyes closed and ears plugged during all the parts when the war crimes were committed
2 months ago
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New movie about Jesse Eisenberg profiling Hailey Welch called The End of the Tuah
2 months ago
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Indiana Jones seeing a piece of poop in an old dungeon: Poop... I hate this stuff
2 months ago
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You gotta respect MJ for picking a quack murder doctor with the perfect level of funny name - not too over the top ridiculous, but just specific enough that I laugh every time someone says their doctor is Dr. Conrad Murray
2 months ago
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They should make a movie about a neurotic, fastidious fat guy and a skinny guy who’s a mess
2 months ago
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2 months ago
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They should make an Eyes Wide Shut for Thanksgiving
2 months ago
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Sad to think that at this point in his career if actor and comedian Steve Martin were to die from accidentally getting shot through the head with an arrow, it wouldn't even be that funny or ironic anymore. It would mostly just be a horrific tragedy
3 months ago
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It's pronounced Olivia Noose-y because having to hear about her makes you want to stick your damn head in one!
3 months ago
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I've invented a brand new type of dance, called the Boot Scootin' Boogie
3 months ago
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According to today's WSJ, setting money on fire makes up 90% of GDP growth. Trying to extinguish the money fire could trigger a recession. We can't afford to put out the money fire
3 months ago
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The fruits are obtusely 3-lobed, densely papillose capsules
3 months ago
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Rap is bad now because they don't make any good products anymore. You used to be able to rap about Bubble Goose jackets and Coogi sweaters and the Cutlass Ciera, and rap was good, but now you can only rap about bluetooth speakers and $150 sweatpants and those mesh shoes everyone has
3 months ago
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Beginning to suspect my latest gang stalking target assignment is a secret shopper hired by the company to covertly assess my gang stalking performance
3 months ago
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3 months ago
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They’re shooting my ass with darts that make me more awake
3 months ago
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The store getting in a brand new seasonal beer and it rings up 50% off because they use the same UPC as the old seasonal beer they were trying to get rid of. Not many feelings in life better than that
3 months ago
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Forgot to let the flavors meld when I was cooking tonight. All the flavors stayed separate
3 months ago
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Experts believe that due to his well-documented love of having his thang sucked on, former president Bill Clinton may have received immense pleasure from the oral by current president Donald Trump.
3 months ago
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Wrote a song about Dianne Wiest in my head last night while watching Hannah and Her Sisters that would be a 100% number one billboard pop hit. But I forgot to write it down at all and it’s gone now
3 months ago
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When you get a job at a newspaper you have to check if it's one of the ones where you report on child sex trafficking rings or one of the ones where you call to warn the child sex traffickers that other people are reporting on them
3 months ago
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Scientist 1: Could I have some of Hitler's DNA please? For doing experiments on Scientist 2: Yes here you go
3 months ago
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Lots of pissed off people online who are apparently learning about the Democratic Party for the first time today
3 months ago
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3 months ago
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Getting the surgery where they take 2 inches out of each femur and use it to make one of my arms 4 inches longer
3 months ago
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Artificial sweetener Aspartame is named after the ancient Greek city of Sparta. All the scientists were watching the movie 300 and saying "Welcome to Sparta, bitch!" and doing the moves on each other when they got the idea for it
3 months ago
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