Sister Insanely Letting 98-Year-Old Grandma Hold Newborn https://theonion.com/sister-insanely-letting-98-year-old-grandma-hold-newborn/

I can tell you one fucking thing, I'd never heard of John Burn-Murdoch before social media

John Beresford

January 2045, and with Africanos Braganca's stars away as Cape Verde try to win back-to-back AFCONs, we succumb to our first league defeat in 87 games with an implausible 10-minute FM22ing. Who needs £30 and an unworkable UI?

MK Dons v Swindon, 7pm on a Tuesday, raining, group game in the EFL Trophy must be one of the least appealing matches in football history. To top it off, it's essentially over at HT (0-3) but they still had 8 minutes of first half injury time

Firing is one of my favourite things to do with a salvo

Historian here 👋- it means that when you want crisps you purchase one of the 'Waitrose Three': Tyrrells, Kettle Chips or Pipers

Mickey Mental

Was just alone outside and saw two red kites fighting each other about two metres above my head. My resultant, involuntary "bloody hell!!" was probably the most wretchedly English I've been in a decade

Incredible framing of a player being good enough to play men's football at 16 and rejoining an EFL academy before he was even old enough to sign pro terms

In fact, can we look at this one in the context of the full website and conclude that headline writing is a lost art? Absolutely horrendous

Rugby - where it's always Movember.

A utility player in the second tier called 'Terry Devlin' seems very 1996-coded

Outside tap installed. Yes it's nearly Christmas but this is going to be a complete gamechanger in like 8 months

Spoke to someone tonight who was at his 200th Half Man Half Biscuit gig. I suggested it must be something of a record, at which he nodded to the guy next to him, who coughed “221…” Respect! #HMHB

Just discovered you can play absolute five-star classic POWER STONE (1999) on PS5 now, the weekend cannot come quickly enough

He's had a few small beers

Hate this touchy feely crap! Undermines the central concept

Producers definitely told Alan Carr how to solve the first part of the train puzzle there

Letterboxd servers being down so the site simply displays a black and white shot of Robert De Niro, which definitely did not mean I thought De Niro had died

I could absolutely see Shilts saying most of this though tbf observer.co.uk/news/sport/a...

31 years ago today 45 year old George Foreman become the oldest world champion in heavyweight history, and on the very same day 19 year old Jamie Cureton made his first senior appearance. A fortnight ago 50 year old Cureton became the first footballer to score in all top 10 English divisions

"Dad, what are some good Frank Ocean songs for my playlist?": words I've always wanted to hear. 2012 nostalgia is here

Now TV descriptions of films are usually complete puff pieces (they want you to watch) and this one is no exception, until six final devastating words hahaha

Every quote out of this, each somehow even more tone deaf and self aggrandising than the last, has me thinking 'not even sure Shilts would have done this one'

catfishing.net #498 - 8/10 🎉 🐈🐈🐈🐈🐈 🐈🐈🐟🐟🐈 Two 8s in a row! Question 9 absolutely ridiculously niche

"Still leading candidate to be Southampton manager" "Who is?" "Still" "Maybe it's true that the picture hasn't changed much, but who's the leading candidate?" "Will Still" "Who will still be the leading candidate?!" "Yes" "How do I find out who?" "Google 'Lens'" "I don't think the tech is there yet"

Jesus, they're done for aren't they

My printer that I paid money for when I ask it to print something

Scott 'The Enigma' Rendell still banging in the goals, 18 years since his initial heel turn

i love when lore deepens in real time

Mary Earps has dislosed her sexuality ahead of the release of her memoir because she does not want this news to dilute from the book's core message, "I really hate Hannah Hampton"

Looks like Najar's falafel stand now accepts cards 😱😱😱😱

I think my child would fit in seamlessly on here

Congratulations to The Athletic for being the first people to write about the state of away dressing rooms without mentioning the OG Master of the Dark Arts: John Beck www.nytimes.com/athletic/675...

Waited for the optimum moment to watch this incredible document of human ingenuity, perseverance and triumph

Can't believe how much I miss idly browsing in Waterstones of a lunch break

...

The Guardian report that All Tech is Amazing

Ladies and gentlemen, there it is. The worst footballer slander name of all time

Bookmark this one in the unlikely event of a cup upset in January

Shame Bournemouth didn't nick something on the opening day as we'd have a title race on our hands

Coventry gunning for the mythical 107 points?

Catfishing now tells you your most obscure correct answers ever 🤤

Looks like he's an hour into a four-hour stream about interracial couples in adverts

lol they have changed the headline already

Lovely bit of alliteration here