😆😆

Somehow managed to get a piece of popcorn up my nose. Can't imagine why Im single at 45

Say Megyn

🚽🤣

You ain’t gotta chase me baby, I’m too lazy to run 🤣

Show me a hot person with a gun again.

God, I hate this #BillsMafia

If you see this, post a bird

When you think you’re all of that and a bag of chips, but then realized that the bag of chips is 70% air.

I would LOVE to see the responses to this.

"PARKOUR!" I scream as I fall down ten flights of stairs

nothing quiets the mind like pooping in the dark

I am shooting my shot. I love writing op-eds. @teenvogue.com was my main outlet, but if there are any others (especially independently ran) that are looking for a contributing writer on race, gender, and the economy, I'd love to work with you. Signed, A Black woman who writes for the public

3 days is enough for me

What sitcom star was your first crush? He's still a crush 😍

The name says everything

Keep your friends close and your enemies in fart radius.

Establishing dominance by looking my gynecologist in the eye when shes giving me my exam.

Why I Shower, an essay Bathing is like marinating in your own juices.

A lot of yall are NOT as important as you think you are. Nobody cares about you unfollowing or blocking them THAT much. Probably won’t even be missed.

Feed cleanser.

People are having trouble feeding and caring for their pets. Surrenders at shelters are up. So sad that someone would have to give up a beloved pet for financial reasons. Help in your community or neighborhood. If you know of good nonprofits that are working on this issue, please link below. ♥️🐶🐱♥️

Reverse cowgirl so I can draw a picture of Calvin peeing above your butt crack.

The classics: 1. Porn 2. Porn 3. Porn 4. Porn Im already going to hell anyway

If you were making love in Paris, would you care about Vinnie Barbarino?

Sorry my bad didnt know your face was sick

You’re at Duran. I need you at Duran. Wait…

when you wear a size 9.5 shoe but the 8.5 was on sale

I want to fulfill Christmas wishes for underprivileged children. 🙏🏼 PLEASE help spread the word by sharing this wishlist⬇️ with friends, families & organizations able to help. This year is especially hard to get donations. 🎁Wishlist: www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/... Program details in replies ⬇️

spoke with the executive director of my local food bank today and got this really incredible line: "if you donate 1 can of green beans, we can give away 1 can of green beans. but if you donate a dollar, we can give away 6 cans of green beans"

You're at N' I need you at Sync

Y'all gon' make me go all out

Happiness is getting a lot of belly rubs… ☺️💙😎

When I was growing up, I learned all my cuss words by watching my Dad fix something. Now, all the words I learned the hard way are on broadcast TV. Kids have it so easy today.

Im sorry 😞

A GENTLE REMINDER FOR CHILDREN OF ALL AGES: “I wish you a lifetime filled with happiness, peace, good health, prosperity, and, most of all, love - the greatest gift. I will always love you, wherever you are. You are a gift and blessing. You are wonderful just the way you are.” ~Blessings, Santa :-)}

Repost with an iconic fictional band:

Bluesky isn’t for everyone. Only the sexy people. So all you fly mothers get out there and dance.

I have my yearly visit with my gyno on Wednesday. I've been going back and forth in my mind, and I've decided, I ain't shaving.

Shit trending here is now just people reporting from the other social media apps. If that's what you do, why are you here?

New York AG James said she's received complaints of stores in her state refusing EBT cards and has already sent out several cease and desist letters. Stores are not allowed to refuse SNAP benefits. If this happens to you, call the AG's hotline to report at 1-800-771-7755.

So both of his fans will have to travel to another state if they want to see him perform 🤷‍♀️

Monday morning. Cold and snowing. Dont wanna get out of bed. But at least I dont have to be back to work til Thursday!

My Uncle Jeb is so stupid. He fell out of a tree while raking leaves.

Where is @twosense.bsky.social? She's been quiet today. Does she have a life outside of here?

Ummmmm......😳

Ya'll let me know when hes gone so I can change the channel back.

The only thing thats changed about Howie Long's hair in over 45 years is the color.

The funniest thing in football is when a coach down like 38-7 will cover his mouth with his play sheet as though he's worried the opponent will steal his play calls that are doing so well