Remember when you were younger, and you were watching TV with your parents, and you'd get embarrassed and be all "EW" when people would kiss or "make love" on the TV. I still feel that way and I live alone.

Bacon 🤢

If you're hiring freelancers (laughs ruefully) I'm a good writer/editor. If I have a specialty it's medical/science shit, but I've done tons of profiles, journalisms (mostly crime and courts), and some funny stuff. Turns out that it's difficult to subsist on a job paying $16/hr, 30 hrs a week.

Cuteness:

actual footage of me tryna get a bug away from my greek salad..

If you see this, post a picture of you in glasses 🧐

Explain your @ My name is Geri and my BFF from when I was 18 called me GerBear one day. Thats all he called me after that day, until we lost contact some years ago. A few have randomly called me that as well. I miss my BFF every day.

really need to get addicted to running so I can eat pasta for every meal

I'm sorry but what the what.

Dental hygienist: I recommend my patients use a waterpik in addition to brushing and flossing Me: I think you mean a mouth bidet Dental hygienist: get out 👉

Why didn't he take it off the hanger

🤣🤣

Sounds dirty

My brothers ex wife was telling me about this guy she's going out with: BEW: I wonder what's wrong with him? Me: Why? BEW: Well because hes 44 and never been married and has no kids. I just think thats weird Me, 45, never been married, no kids:

(throwing away my hat) yeah that brain fart was actually a brain shart

686 days til I can move - almost there.

They’re asking for the public’s help.

A piss luge that goes from your bed to the toilet.

The last time the Knicks won a championship: - hamburgers cost a nickel - most long-distance communication was by telegraph - the most popular tv show was "The Lucille Ball Show" - doctors advertised smoking

Always keep your finger guns pointed in a safe direction away from anything you don’t intend to destroy

if eyes are the window to the soul then sunglasses are the blackout curtains

are finger guns technically nail guns?

Having a crush on a man just means you don't have enough information yet

I think it should be standard for all television news broadcasts to have a cat wandering around and fucking stuff up the whole time I think it would do wonders for our collective psyche

That his parents had enough faith in him playing regular ball rather than consigning him to Challenger/Miracle League speaks volumes about his potential.

To all the political accounts that started following me over night - Im not following back. Do with that what you will.

There is a kid on my nephews baseball team who is autistic. Tonight, he hit the ball and EVERYBODY erupted in yells and applause. The coaches and players of the other team came over and congratulated him. Tears all around. Its times like that that show the world isn't always shit. 💙

The homeowner saw on the security cameras that a bear was playing on the swing every day, but couldn’t get on because he was too big. So he had a bigger swing built. 😍🤣🥹

Middle age is when you're too old to be young and too young to be old.

Omg. That lighter Grey one looks like Chestnut when he was a kitten! And was the same little scamp

I pee a little when I sneeze. And its allergy season

He showed. At the 60 min mark. And sat in his truck for 5 min til I went out and got him.

@runswindows95.bsky.social I feel like this is up your alley

5/4 - I call concrete guy 5/26 - call concrete guy again. He says "you said you weren't in a hurry. Ill be there by the end of the week." 6/11 - concrete guy texts and says he'll be here in 20 min It's now been 50 min. How the fuck do people stay in business.

Everyone on Bluesky is in my group chat because my replies are always open! Just like your mom.

how far would an egg roll roll if an egg roll could roll an egg roll

Ditto

It was nice knowing y'all.

Give me the most 80s song you can think of I cant believe no one did this one yet. You're welcome

Omg. Hes going to get off As it should be #FreeLuigi

Bsky developers "What this place needs is more drama" Young developer stands up "I got it - Group Chats!"

And yet, we cant get a freaking edit button.

Just fucking why?? Tell me why??? Fucking hypocrites.

"Take that post down, you're better than that." No, I'm not, here's part 2.

Someone on another app saw a photo of Megan Thee Stallion walking into the NBA finals and they replied “she needed to be somewhere she wouldn’t see Klay Thompson so the most obvious place was the NBA Finals” lmaoooo

Happy Gilmore

So I can clearly see dick on this platform, but this gif is labeled adult content. JFC

Cleveland mutuals - Wanna hang? Tuesday, as in 6 days. Will be a phenomenal show...

There is always one post a day on here that makes me belly laugh - and its just that one post that keeps me coming back

FUCK!!! It's dusty in here AND someone is cutting onions. 😭😭