I have created a diorama of the Partridge family attacking the Brady Bunch family. My life is very boring.

What's your sign?

You seem the type to wear a lifejacket every time you eat soup.

On this International Women's Day, I blocked someone for incessant messaging (to my standards anyway). I DONT talk to ANYONE every day. Unless we are dating, its unnecessary. Dang.

For this year’s International Women’s Day, let me put it as simply as possible: Men should be glad we want equality — not revenge.

Happy international women's day. Pay it forward by leaving them alone, they don't want to see your boner or hear you call them girlie.

Drop something BLUE

I did a crunch today... It was a Nestlé...

International Women, the favoured women of Mr. Worldwide

You are trapped in the last TV show you watched. Where are you?

on international women’s day we should be able to kick two men in the balls with no questions asked

Happy birthday @alldolledup44.bsky.social! I hope you have an amazing day!

*picks up old bottle from open, reads nessage* Im trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty

Happy International Women’s 23 Hours. Get used to earning less than your male counterparts, sweetheart. Now smile dammit, you are so much prettier when you smile.

international women’s day so it’s MY turn to leave wet towels on the floor

one less hour on international women’s day for me to be wrong about something

international women’s day

You can tell because the US took an hour away from it

Happy international women’s day to all the women! I look forward to dancing naked under the moonlight with you tonight

me: what the fuck? the fuck: I didn’t say anything

We can do it all, and get treated not even second class, but no class. Today is for all of us women to be recognized and Im proud to be a strong woman. And men, if youre too fragile to celebrate even one day for/with us, take a long walk off of a short pier. We are picking the bear anyway 🐻

No matter what your religion is, your height, weight, what you wear, your sexuality, skin colour or your job title, you are & always will be a strong, powerful woman. Don’t let anyone tell you differently 💜 #InternationalWomensDay

Oven clock, we meet again.

I went out with a girl whose left breast was made of timber. Just kidding. That would be ridiculous, wooden tit?

Im not feeling well today, so Im going to do a quick shoutout to someone who's already received one. @justducky.bsky.social I hope you have a Sunday funday.

The fact that lack of sleep can make you feel intoxicated is really something. God gave us built in bars and dispensaries and I don’t think we thank him enough for that.

due to current gas prices, i'm gonna need you to get out of my car and into my dreams.

A two word horror story: Carpeted kitchen

and this is what i live for

*Meow* This is my caturday post

What if the preservatives in food wasn’t to preserve the food but to better preserve us allowing us to live longer so that we have to pay more for consumer goods, and medicine?

Awake at 5:30am on Saturday, just as the prophecy foretold…

Some days you just want to know someone out there is listening *FBI enters the chat*

Been a long week so gunna not spend alot of time on here but, I need to keep my streak alive. Today's personal shoutout is to @modern-001.bsky.social! Hope you had a great week and have an even better weekend.

I still remember screwing up on my first day at McDonald's. I thought that the ketchup went on the hamburger. Fortunately a kind coworker told me how to smear it all over the bun and the wrapper.

gotta get some of

rereading a text ten times before i send it. the text: k

Email to I.t. : I’m having trouble turning on my monitor every morning, which is crazy because this is the first time I’ve had any problems turning things on 😏 Cc: your mom Thank you! And send!

Still waiting on a motherfucker to tell me how to get to Sesame Street.

It was a long day and Im exhausted, so I apologize for the repeat shout out to @coachmark25.bsky.social. I hope you had a good week and I hope the warm weather reaches you soon. 70 this weekend in Buffalo (well, as of now).

What the fuck is this and why is it in my timeline? I havent been on almost all day - how the fuck did it run out of posts??

some shit is about to go down

What's sexually transmitted and has a 100% death rate? Life.

…..this can’t be “reformed”.

Hey Bluesky — not a political post, just a foster cat favor. 🐾 Bobby & Piper have been our fosters for over two years. They’re a bonded pair with a complicated past who need patient, experienced cat parents. Please repost to help us find their perfect home. ❤️

I wish I could do this; be real friends. But Im so guarded that everyone will need to remain in my phone. Im looking up to @prettyvulgar.bsky.social because this is awesome, and one of the few times I wish I could be like someone else.