Never trust soup

I’m officially back! After deep soul-searching and a successfully thawed anus, I am ready to return to your timelines. Endless thanks for the support, specifically the many offers to restore my rectal core temperature penetratively. I commit to pausing before future anal antics.

“you can try and leave the pole, but the pole will eventually find you“ - Slutfucius (1984)

I sincerely apologize for my recent posts. I made a devastating error by attempting to consume a Screamer via my rectum for the ultimate cooling effect. The resulting thermal shock left me unable to think straight. I am taking time away from social media to reflect and refocus my priorities.

If you keep getting random erections today - that was me

If you stubbed your toe today - that was me

If you’re over 6’4” do you get eye-fucked everywhere you go or just when I’m around

Woke up on a pillow instead of a bicep 😭

Took my self imposed ankle monitor off for the weekend. How many steps did I take? No one knows!

Good morning where are we going for brunch

Pick me up @pmg2point0.bsky.social

Why aren’t there more alarm sounds I’d actually want to wake up to like the sound of him getting hit by a car

When I was five a grown ass man told me I was gonna be a maneater and I’m still trying to figure out how he knew

Freudian slip

🤞

Men thinking they found the clit

Back seat, windows up

Ask him to pick up some lemons on the way home and then get mad and say “I wanted the green lemons!”

Good gracious

Maybe it will happen faster if we all prepare by buying fireworks and champagne

There should be a guy that picks up your used shopping bags and takes them back to the store so they’re there when you need them

6 inch micropenis

Dental floss for balls

I wore this cassette out when I was ten. The title track is a damn near perfect single. RIP

If you see a dashcam video of me driving crazy in the Costco parking lot it wasn’t me

She’s only letting me get 10 nuggets 😒 @grillcheezkilla.bsky.social

Someone said shoes are ugly now because we are no longer dressing for the male gaze so I threw rocks at them

Fuck it. Shoes.

Slipping my shoe off at Cactus Club

If no one gets that reference I’m gonna kms

Chris Farley death photo

When he’s driving and you put your hand on his thigh

How did Joe Rogan end up with so many conspiratorially minded fans? 🤔

Oh ok, so like, maybe fucking… do?

Idea: make Ben Gvir and Netanyahu fight to the death and then the survivor wins a 1 way trip to the fucking moon WITHOUT astronaut training.

Your wife’s boyfriend is your stepboyfriend

I can’t imagine a straight man who isn’t tortured with desire for his partner

I hope you get stung by a bee every Tuesday and afterwards the bee says “See you next Tuesday”

There is no I in Team but there are three U’s in Shut the Fuck Up

Men make their dick jump by flexing their asshole

That’s it I’m closing down these accounts there is no higher achievement possible

I’m being bossed around by someone who doesn’t know which socks everyone my age wears

We really need to expand interactions to Like, Repost, and Butt Rub.