If I see anyone at work with a Starbucks Bear cup I’m jumping them

The key to relieving back pain is to keep taking drugs and using cbd creams until there’s no more pain, and then do that again every 3.5 hours.

The entire parking lot is empty. Why would you practice backing in next to me.

I have 592 lipglosses, not one is in my bag

“Fishing”

Let’s fucking go

Me Monday morning to everyone: “What did you do this weekend? … dicks?”

I bought the Costco real cheese queso but it’s not as good as the garbage Tostitos queso

The parking gods have favoured me three times today

The mascara. The shoulder pads. The fake tears. She stole Tammy Faye's entire act.

lol why put it this way

Imagine your an ostrich just chillin with your pals when suddenly…

Totally gonna get my shit together this weekend

My back hurts every time I take a breath in.

Tell me this isn't an album cover

How are there suddenly deer in Richmond. How did they get here? Through the tunnel or over a bridge.

This is wild. She’s testing churches by asking if they’ll help with baby formula for a two month old who hasn’t eaten in a couple days. Guess how many help. vt.tiktok.com/ZSym3Ru9U/

Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I got here.

It took six months to get into a group therapy thing that will teach me shit I already know. I should have just taken the toaster bath.

HA!

I may not have my shit together. But I did make ten single servings of mac and cheese a couple weeks ago and just had one for lunch and it was phenomenal.

So ready to have my sexuality challenged all over again let’s roll those dice baby

I can’t get my shit together tomorrow. Too busy.

What do you do for fun in these bullshit times

You can put stewed apples on just about anything. Who's gonna stop you?

ICE took a baby. How did the bystanders let them drive off with the baby.

Did you see the Miss Universe thing and then the dude crying after

I hate how they’re making Blueface a hero for seeing his kids after two years in jail. A good parent wouldn’t have put himself in a situation to be away from his kids for two years. And I hate that I know who Blueface is. And Chrisean needs to get that baby some help. Fuck TikTok.

Women aren’t buying bags like we used to so designers are sending them to famous men to make them a male status symbol. Discuss.

I drive by the place we first kissed all the time. And the place my ex stabbed his brother when he found out about that kiss.

society was much better when Dumb Guys stayed in their lanes

wtf is this thing in the middle of my word document

Watch his hands www.theguardian.com/world/2025/n...

If you insist

Nice

Do they know about ICE and the president posting AI videos shitting on Americans?

Cope

I’ve always felt I’d live my whole life being anxious about the future and then die instantly in a car crash or something. And as my soul leaves my body, I’ll look down and think “Fucking idiot. All that worry for nothing.”

I’m gonna get my shit together tomorrow

You need a specific algorithm and a high screen time to get this. Shout out to Kayla Nicole & Toni Braxton for the inspo.

Is that where they did it

Mood

This is how I’m gonna look every time someone dislikes one of my posts

Who uses the STEM feed on TikTok