This guy's still gracing our walls. Taking good care of him. By: @octopuscaveman.bsky.social

Reading the Lord of the Rings and there’s a whole section about how the Elves have weird dicks

It gets worse over there every day

My favorite part of the movie is when she's wearing that huge fancy gown and then she sneezes and farts at the same time and the gown billows up like when we had parachute day in kindergarten P.E.

Well, my favorite scene is when an American modeling talent scout finally convinces her to shave her legs and armpits.

One part that I found interesting in the movie Melania is when she paused mid-sentence to vigorously shake her head, causing a millepede to fall out of her left ear. Then she simply resumed speaking like nothing had happened.

The best thing about nobody buying tickets to Melania is you can just make up stuff that happens in the movie and people will believe you. My favorite part is when she throws up in her purse after the hot dog eating contest

Big pharma is preventing women from sleeping with me because it would cure my depression and they would lose a customer

I don’t like anime. Ive just never enjoyed that art style but do I go around saying that Im better than people that watch anime? Of course I do but they still have the right to do it for now. That’s freedom. That’s America.

I’m the only guest in my hotel trapped by the ice storm and it’s next to a grocery store so I didn’t bother getting food. Well, the grocery store closed due to weather so I’ve been hungry. Told the front desk guy and he was like “I made a bunch of soup. Want a bowl of soup?”

Lovebot 16x20 on stretched canvas $300

It’s been 8 years since I’ve been banned from LinkedIn and I’ve never looked back

Went in to a gas station and this poor woman’s boss was being so mean to her. Little did she know, one of my favorite things to do is yell at people’s bosses. You can’t fire me bitch Im a customer.

Guy at work farted in the office so bad that we all cleared out and when we had a meeting about how people need to go outside to fart from here on, absolutely nobody laughed or even smiled. It was a fart so bad it made the entire concept of farts unfunny for all of us

in exchange for her baby??!

Sleepy kitty

Asked the cashier at McDonald’s why the flag was at half mast and she said “Grimace died” and then she started crying

I think we should give terminal diseases silly names just to take the edge off. Imagine being told you only have 3 months to live because you’ve been diagnosed with Fart Lung.

Wearing my cowboy hat backwards so everyone knows Im a cool cowboy

Love scrolling through memes on those old meme creation pages kids used years ago. They made some true art.

The greatest generation my ass. None of them, not a single one of them could kickflip

Elmering my Fudd

Finally read the apple terms and conditions and Tim Cook gets to fuck my wife?

I travel all over for work and apparently I can’t do direct messages in some states so I’ll get back to you in a few weeks I guess lol

I’ll take the doggie

it’s just been me and dad since calgon took mom in ‘86

sIR!

I found the funniest place to poop ever

I love when old people don’t know certain terms. I work with an 80 year old lady who’s email address is MuffLover because she loves muffins

Happy mail day to meeeeee! Thank you @octopuscaveman.bsky.social .....and now, time to find you a home! 🐯

Accidentally painted Marco Rubio

Grok make me not have diarrhea

This is exactly how I feel right now.

Still at it

This was one of my all time favorite skeets. 😆

This facial hair legitimately pisses me off

Merry Christmas

A little chilly here in the studio these days. So I'm wearing my classic zip up Love Bot hoodie from Octopus Caveman. @octopuscaveman.bsky.social

Complete camouflage in my @octopuscaveman.bsky.social zipper front love bot hoodie

I’m staying in a pet friendly hotel even though I don’t have a dog which is cool because I can just go to the bathroom on the floor and nobody suspects it’s me

About to get on my 40th flight of the year and let me tell you I have developed the weirdest superpower. Sometimes I’ll just see a guy and go “that guy is for sure going to Phoenix and I’m usually right.”

These things will completely spoil the movie Stepbrothers if you haven’t seen it according to the IMDB parents guide

these are great! they remind me of an @octopuscaveman.bsky.social painting

A commercial for a used car lot but the guy in the commercial can’t stop crying

New Hampshire is the Live Free or Die state but you still have to pay taxes if you live there so why do people move there?

I don’t get diarrhea, I get even