He literally said negotiating with Iran is boring..

The art of the deal guy — the greatest negotiator ever — says negotiating is boring. 🥱

That is so untrue it untrued true things

[Watching Sesame Street with my son] ME: In Spain, Elmo is called The Mo WIFE: *from another room* YOU'RE A TERRIBLE FATHER

I can always tell when they use fake dinosaurs in movies

Chuck Muncie

Atmosphere sampled Little Feat on Modern Man’s Hustle.

Every so often I just like to remember this tweet exists.

what kind of app for 38 year olds is this

If a goth attacks you, the best thing to do is play dead inside

[📷 Isabelle Soule]

This guy is flexing hard

this snake is judging the shit out of you. you know what you did

This is so good.... Enjoy

🤔

Would absolutely love for a reporter at his next press conference to ask him “sir what is two plus two minus two plus two minus two plus two minus two plus two minus two?”

The best Trump ever! Instant classic

Tell me this guy isn’t dying

Donnie Dania took this brilliant photo in 2025. Talk about being in the right place at the right time. Goodnight

Tough.

The doctor thinks I'm giving birth, but unbeknownst to him, I'm about to execute a delightful update to the classic "snakes in a can" prank

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, wow you’re really good at this

If there was a hacking group worth its salt, Trump would be finished. Cmon guys.. this is way late!

People are suing chat bots for bad advice.. just ask them first.

What’s happening here?

[quietly, so as not to startle anyone] knicks

Trump wants to rape everything!

*takes long drag of cigarette* floor’s lava, kid. always has been.

I just said ‘who cares’ out loud in a meeting

Does your dog bite? No, he blesses.. 😅

the unfortunate result of a young bulb raised in a bad environment

Iran war ends after 67 days?

Morning 🤣.

Cold plunge tub salesman: in an ideal world, how would you start each day Me: cup of coff- Him: that's right, a simulation of an ice fishing accident

what if we kissed in the King Kong nipple slide

a good name for a horse would be Kris Klipclopperston

fish and butter sausage is the same because they float around in your stomach, bask off each other, having fun and play attack

A lot of Gargamels.

yeah i’m addicted to porn. porn myself an ice cold refreshing ginger ale

Plum 56

Drumpf’nt

I’m still waiting for everyone to care that the president raped kids, so…

If you want to tell people the truth.. make them laugh..otherwise they’ll kill you

brian was starting to think that maybe his mom wasn’t coming back

I only have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Going outside but shaking my head the whole time so people know I don’t agree with what’s going on

Remember, E. Jean Carroll couldn’t tell the difference between Trump’s dick and his thumb? Trump is like, “It wasn’t rape cuz it was my thumb…”