Asked to see the secret menu at McDonald's and Grimace showed me his weird dick

Just making sure that 2025 is definitely over

What’s gonna happen when JD Vance is our president? That’s gonna happen.

Is it Zoltan or Zoltar?

probably because they have to keep stopping to pick up their backpacks

so many greats, I think about this one a lot

If variety is the spice of life.. variety gives me diarrhea

The oppressed aren’t on the margins. They’re most of the page.

Everybody wants change. Nobody wants to be the change. Or be touched by it. Or be looked at by it.

Nary withstanding. There is nothing here that can stand.

and tiny trump, who DID NOT have leverage

Looks like he fell on the 3rd rail

Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that ‘my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.’ - Isaac Asimov “A Cult of Ignorance”

Me: “Will I be able to have sex after ankle surgery?” Doctor: “If something feels wrong, stop immediately.” Me: “What if everything feels wrong, but in a familiar way?” Doctor: “Then you’re married.”

Stephen Miller vibes

The noun that verb.

The president “doesn’t know” (in a garbage bag)

Stephen Miller is a real fathead

Mayonnaise is culinary voter suppression.

To Strump, people are mirrors or threats.

Pusillanimous. GOP.

RIP Zoot from the Muppets, who lost his long battle with heroin addiction today at the age of 63.

Telling a child that Santa isn't real is one of the hardest things about being a party clown

Plagiarism is bad? Change a few words, that shit is yours. It's like when you change a baby's clothes- new baby. New baby that's yours now.

The magic is real..

Please stop with your stupid BINGO cards

Have you ever tried to take candy from a baby? Let’s just say, babies can get pretty pissy

share an old picture me with my sisters at my brother's wedding

He’s wonderful now

The most important aspect of this Tylenol debacle, is that the President raped children.

Can you imagine asking someone.. a bunch of people.. to help you hide the fact that you raped little kids? Who would help someone do that? Who?

Man.. it’s hard to listen to John Sauer.

Trump crossed with his mom.. kinda has a Hillary vibe

these documents are more blacked out than Pete Hegseth on New Years Eve

Wait til he cuts the interest rates 600%

20 steaks for $20

What’s the Tucker Pouch Party?

A lump of bread

My wife and I fell in love during The Princess Bride.

What about Bill Clinton for putting his [big ugly] in your mouth?

I only have a step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.

Pooooops!

Magnifique.

Trump crossed with his mom.. kinda has a Hillary vibe

I swear we're in "I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time" territory

Our clown is dying in front of us

Looks like pus.

Mark Cuban is broken.