Thank you for contacting the fire department. While we no longer put out fires, perhaps you'd be interested in our latest brand initiative, Burning Forward Together

If you know what you're doing then know it quietly, I'm trying to make an outline for a step by step subjectivity I can believe in over here

Getting smooshed and molded into a new broken record later. Getting smooshed and molded into a new broken record later. Getting...*record scratch*

calling my local hospital to see if they have any Black Friday specials

You gotta figure that enough time has passed that we should be getting some tell all books from former Smurfs about living in that cult

I bet people in olden times were walking around with the most insane toenails

[I turn on the TV and every channel is showing me being burned in effigy] This can't be good

literally the thing they pretend to hate

Autolabelling service that tells you if a poster needs a wellness check or if they are watching sport

Just checked if my hands are colder than a witches tit and they are but now she’s mad at me.

got the fake tree up so I’m ready for this shit show

when your ass already shows you get sensitive, crazy sensitive

Blade Runner on the 1984 Oberheim :)

Covered Bridge #Photography

My radar was exhausted so I had to give it a pingyback ride. But seriously, when I overwork the air I get diminishing returns

We stand firm in the belief that our handler erred on the side of caution when he tranquilized the child in the Tigger pajamas.

See what those Nobel prize people made him do?

Just catching up with the budget coverage in the papers.

It's been difficult playing tug of war with the dog with this tooth sensitivity I've been having

mf’er been huffing gold spraypaint?

Committing war crimes when not at war? Jeez

Morning.

When he dies in custody I have a practiced surprise face.

Modern porn sitcom Eight is Enough

Me and my gf are getting matching onion tattoos

Ya should

Unfortunate that my grandson cannot enjoy the Teenaged Turtles parade float without being exposed to a man "busting rhymes"

just patiently waiting for his turn

It’s because they compartmentalize so well, isn’t it? Too well.

I do not believe shit about anything being reported by law enforcement and you shouldn’t either.

Hope Chief judge Roberts is proud of his destruction of the rule of law, why should anyone care what a judge says now?

Our deepest state is compromised.

*seeing a Detroit legend is about to rise out of the stage behind Jack White* please be Robocop

Gosh I hope grok is judging him

Decorated a turkey and put a Christmas tree in the oven

Two Thanksgivings in one day. Three in under a week. I am more mashed potato than man. More. More Thanksgivings. Make me so thankful I explode.

just had an ordinary suspects reveal bout my whole life but I won’t remember it

So not only was the DC shooter granted asylum by this administration, but he also has ties to the CIA and was even in possession of a CIA-issued ID. This administration gives one no choice but to entertain conspiracy theories.

working under some pretty grand delusions so don’t break my confidence bro

Fun fact: your dogs can’t read the calendar and you can tell them tomorrow is Thanksgiving too. You can give them turkey every day and they’ll never know you’re fibbing.

I don't know why but living through the holidays feels like walking down an empty street.

Born 27 November 1942, Jimi Hendrix, guitarist, singer and songwriter, who is widely considered to be the greatest guitarist in musical history. He made appearances at the 1967 Monterey Pop Festival, the iconic 1969 Woodstock Festival and the 1970 Isle Of Wight Festival. #JimiHendrix

What a wonderful day for Thanksgiving. At Magnuson Park it's gray, it's chilly, the air is still, it's quiet. Kitchen aromas will hang in the air, intriguing appetites and perking senses. Have a great Thanksgiving with the ones you love everybody.

Developed initially to target and kill tumors, they are now being engineered to target cells that are contributing to autoimmune diseases, like antibody-producing B cells. #Science 🧪

man i sure wish there were a search engine that would make up plausible-looking but completely incorrect search results

Reading this like its sung by System of a Down

We’re eating ham today because a gang of turkeys taught me to smoke and rob gas stations and for that I’ll be forever thankful

Just remember, your house is going to be haunted by that dead turkey…