I want to try to crack a watermelon with my thighs but I’m allergic to watermelon.

Saturday rest day bubble bath time. ngl.link/caseyallense...

Some of y’all would fold under my style challenges (not being able to grow a beard).

Bulking season has begun 💪

Hit the catnip HARD this Friday night.

Does Sleeper Build just mean that you wear oversized clothes?

3 separate children: “You look strong! Do you go to the gym?” 1 child following up: “You need new pants. Yours look like tights.” Me: “Ma’am, you are wearing tights.”

The arm embiggens

100% tax rate for income over a million dollars? Sounds like a plan to me. (No one needs that much money.)

rachel this is serious

I blew the taint out of my jeans at work. The stairs have taken their revenge.

Taking sick/injured kids to the hospital until parents can arrive is occasionally part of my job. I’m demanding a workplace Purple Heart for taking the exorcist barf child under my wing. A shower will not suffice. I need to send my naked body through a car wash.

Zoo issues warning: newborn giraffe escapes, seen learning to walk at local gym.

Someone has a signature.

View of active rest day from last night. Gotta do those abs, calves and cardio…I guess 😂

Savory beans tortilla crêpe Nutella sweet.

You know the charming politics weather man of sorts who wears khakis and points at screens? Let me be him but only for a queer audience. I’ll cover politics but also like… you know… anything else with lots of data I can point at.

I don’t LOVE Spanberger. She’s a fairly bog standard Virginia Dem (read: moderate). BUT the numbers in this election are GOOD TO READ. You love to see a Republican lose conservative strongholds.

Call me crazy but I think my chest is filling in fairly well.

I will be wearing these jeans until they those the battle against my thighs.

It’s picture day.

Some Live-Action posing from last night’s #BackDay

Imagine being massaged by ten dudes at once.

Honk honk 🤡

Classic leg day double bicep. Who needs a pump?

First full odds AZ shiny on my favorite day of the year (fall DST). Hit 10k on Halloween. Had a three hour nap today and the rest day isn’t making me feel anxious. Everything is coming up Milhouse.

Skipping the function to watch Wallace and Gromit.

Seated.

Weekly checkin! 216lbs! Still right on track. Four months left to bulk and I’m truly loving it.

The arms and back panel of this shirt are fighting for their lives. Bless the hand-me-downs from my partner.

Calling his toes his “wiggly pigglers.”

The judges wanted to see versatility.

Getting the itch my dye my hair pink again. What unforeseen life crisis am I about to experience?

I think I might have started to figure out how my lats work.

I love the restraint people have when picking an alias. Sure, folks. You can be Derek online. Go for it. But MF Sephiroth is right there collecting dust on the shelf.

The most difficult thing about a lean bulk is resisting the urge to floor it. Slow and steady. (Siren songs sing of sheer mass and cookies.)

I love you, my guys. My little dudes. My petite potatoes. I just think you’re neat.

Oh. Right. Celebrating! I finally achieved my long term goal of maxing out the pec deck! It was only 5 reps, but I got there!

You can use AI to muscle morph your pics. Or you can just like… do it for realsies the good old fashioned way.

Four more months to build the chest back up.

When I post something celebratory later, remember that today was a day where I lost my balance, fell off the bench (dumbbell press), and farted when I hit the floor. Stay humble.

New music alert! Gay stuff open.spotify.com/album/78nJkP...

Me, watching my mom line up a mini golf shot that she might miss: “If she misses this, she’s going to kill someone.” My mom misses the shot, takes her club and points it at me: “I’m going to fucking get you.”

The second my mom left this weekend the little lady cat curled up beside me passed out. She was so tired from hosting and being on her best behavior. She never sleeps on my body.

I need to stop thinking that I’m bad at the process of bodybuilding. Objectively I’m doing a pretty proficient job. I just haven’t been at it very long. I only get really serious about things about two years ago and before that I was just lifting without guidance. Give me five more years.

Seven weeks of bulking progress

Between the ring and the drinks — prince of subtlety.

every generation must learn, in its own time, that there is only one rule in life and that is do not cross lily allen

If my posture were a noise, it would be a dial up modem.

Weekly checkin sitting at 214lbs. The legs are made for squatting. That’s just what they do.