Voters in a small Missouri town, unhappy with the city council’s approval of a $6B data center, ousted all four incumbent council members running for reelection

Guys…how high am I

Found out that my doorbell is jammed and inoperable and my main reaction was “oh thank god”

Someone just referred to oiling a gun as “lubing it” and I’m done

I refuse to believe that there are people that brush their teeth by moving their head instead of the toothbrush.

Taking a 2 hour flight next week and I just got an email that my return flight now has a 5 hour layover in Baltimore. So that's neat. Anyone in Baltimore want to come to the airport and hang out with me next Saturday?

If only getting cancer treatment in the US didn’t rely on grandma’s tip money

Database of criminal cops. Searchable by county, crime, or victim demographics

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think. - Terry Pratchett, Small Gods

I’ve reached the point of the evening where every noise is either a home invader or a home repair need - and frankly I don’t know which would be worse

Listening to Children of the Corn and reminded that the couple would have survived if the husband hadn’t dismissed and mocked his wife’s fears

My favorite is when I get an "Oh my God" from a therapist, because then you know you won

I feel both seen and attacked

If you see this, post something you saved because it's funny.

I wonder if i could convince admin that the adult psych hospital needs Pokémon/Barbie/Bluey bandaids

omg omg omg. If they can do it then so can we

What? But he was endorsed by Vance!

Got my 23andMe results back and it said no one wanted to be associated with me 😐

I tried to make my landlord give me free rent. I did this by breaking into her apartment and blowing up her appliances and telling her I would destroy the entire building if she didn't. My rent has doubled and I have to pay for parking that used to be free, but it doesn't matter bc I won.

Howard The Duck. It is so bad and cheesy but I just can't help but to love it

I don't think I've become old. Just more aware of where the next lavatory is. - Terry Pratchett, The Last Hero

Cats fascination with a naked mattress is hilarious. Ma’am - you are not exploring a new continent.

He knew about concerned citizens. Wherever they were, they all spoke the same private language, where "traditional values" meant "hang someone". - Terry Pratchett, The Truth

C’mon, thunder and lightening. You can get a bit closer than 10 miles away. I believe in you.

People have stopped acting like they work for us. I keep being told I owe specific people my vote. They work for us. Our vote is hiring them; our vote is paying them if we want them to keep doing the job. That needs to be earned. They work for us. We've let the country get reverse Uno'd.

Schoolhouse Rock never prepared us for this shit.

I love drinking a glass of V8 bloody mary mix to sneak some veggies in. But they were out so I saw these and thought “I like pickles and I like Bloody Mary mix - I’ll love these”. They are an abomination unto God. Do not buy and for the love of little green tomatoes never try to drink

would the aides operating the accounts for @democrats.org @schumer.senate.gov @hakeem-jeffries.bsky.social please tell all the congresspeople that they will have the legacy of Neville Chamberlain

The same guy that had to get info about missile attacks from reporters? That JD Vance (née Bowman)?

so has anybody yet heard of any of the major american news outlets reporting on how the president of the united states posted a snuff film in an effort to drum up more racism and violence? or are they too busy asking if metoo went too far and if the left annoyed people into fascism

at least it's friday

Only those with their feet on rock can build castles in the air. - Terry Pratchett, Carpe Jugulum

I wonder if you could rig a hoop skirt to act like a turtle shell. Things getting a bit too social? Just sink down into a tiny cloth shell.

Hey, @badposter.lol - how you feeling?

Prominent law professors from schools that folded to Trump and Substack articles. Lololol. No.

Oh shit, oh damn. The white board hasn’t been updated. I’m in danger.

There is something casually callous about making people that are disabled stand in line for upwards of 20 minutes before the check in even opens. Seriously - we can’t get a “take a number” machine?

Oh, my bad. Someone put up a piece of printer paper that reads “Area A”.

My reminder text says that my appt is in Building 100 Area A. The signs point to Building 100 Area 1. Small details man, people

Happy Confederate Surrender Day from Minnesota where we still have your goddamn flag and we’re not giving it up. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/28th_Vi...

Am I at the hospital two hours before my appt? Yes. Did I manage to actually find parking by showing up at 0600? Also yes.

There are so many legends about wolves, although mostly they are legends about the way men think about wolves... - Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

"Which trials?" "Yes." "Yes what?" "Witch trials." "Well?" "Well what?" "WHICH TRIALS?" "YES!"

News used to be better

….oh lord. Work is STILL having issues with the new system. Put in a request for 12 hours PTO for being ill and almost fell over when checking the pending deposit. Somehow they put in an additional 48 hours. ….okay

Catch and release fish are the alien abductees of the piscine world

Okay - but is anyone else actually surprised anyone in the regime actually knows about the Avignon Pope?

Plague ravages the land, a false Pope is poised to take control, and a mad King's insanity threatens a stable kingdom. France in 1370 or the US in 2026?

Gosh. Israel ignored a ceasefire? I am shocked. SHOCKED!

Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk. - Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay