Remember kids, if you're working today, no you're not. It's Christmas Eve Eve. Put 8 hours of fake meetings on your outlook calendar. You're meeting with Santa. Take a dozen smoke breaks and feed a reindeer. Dasher and Dancer love Newports. This work week is over if you believe it is.

In fantasy football news, I kind of hope Brock Purdy drowns in the 49ers team plane toilet.

Stuck behind a couple of health nuts in line at the grocery store. Pay attention to your low fat Greek yogurt and avocados. These hot dogs? This hamburger helper? This is my business. This cat food? Eyes front or I’m eating in front of you with Doritos.

Stuck behind a couple of health nuts in line at the grocery store. Pay attention to your low fat Greek yogurt and avocados. These hot dogs? This hamburger helper? This is my business. This cat food? Eyes front or I’m eating in front of you with Doritos.

Facebook profile pictures remains the last bastion of people who don’t understand the message of Terminator 2.

Eat shit, Charm City

I present to you the “Die Hard Is A Christmas Movie” top ten list for the most annoying people in your life: 1 Die Hard 2 Die Hard 2 3 Lethal Weapon 4 First Blood 5 Batman Returns 6 The Godfather 7 Goodfellas 8 Rocky IV 9 Rocky 10 Donnie Brasco Seasons Greetings.

I present to you the “Die Hard Is A Christmas Movie” top ten list for the most annoying people in your life: 1 Die Hard 2 Die Hard 2 3 Lethal Weapon 4 First Blood 5 Batman Returns 6 The Godfather 7 Goodfellas 8 Rocky IV 9 Rocky 10 Donnie Brasco Seasons Greetings.

One of the Paul brothers running into an actual professional boxer that wouldn’t follow the script and getting his jaw broken in two places is proof God exists and He just works real slow.

One of the Paul brothers running into an actual professional boxer that wouldn’t follow the script and getting his jaw broken in two places is proof God exists and He just works real slow.

I just had hot dogs and kimchi for dinner. Which is kind of like in the Looney Tunes when Daffy Duck drinks nitroglycerin and gunpowder and swallows a little match.

I just had hot dogs and kimchi for dinner. Which is kind of like in the Looney Tunes when Daffy Duck drinks nitroglycerin and gunpowder and swallows a little match.

Eat shit, Nazi Rams

Me remembering to put on the eye cream my wife got me before bed

Me remembering to put on the eye cream my wife got me before bed

If you give a shit about writers and artists, you pick every battle and fight like hell. Not giving one inch to AI. Not one fucking inch.

I thought my hater season was over now that the Chiefs have a stake through their heart. Apparently Puka Nacua is a full blown Nazi and also a live streamer. Fuck the Rams forever.

I like the Benoit Blanc movies. I’m worried that they’re going to go the way of the Indiana Jones movies: they should made them every three years for 25 years, but instead they made three good ones and then let the franchise sit out like milk on a summer day for 20 years.

Rob Reiner had a first ballot hall of fame show business career. Forget the movies he directed, go look up the list of movies Castle Rock produced. They had a twenty year run that can go toe to toe with any studio in Hollywood history.

Wait wait wait. Rob Reiner was murdered? What the fuck is happening

Happy Hanukkah! Here are my eight favorite Jewish deli items in no particular order: 1. Pastrami sandwich 2. Corned Beef Reuben 3. Egg bagel with lox and creamed cheese 4. Any other kind of bagel with any kind of creamed cheese 5. Matzoh ball soup 6. Knishes 7. Blintzes 8. Latkes

A lot of you people are real quick to forget. Not me. Fuck Jack Black

EAT SHIT

The McMahon family! Sex traffickers! Collaborators with the regime! Destroying the department of Education! Drenched in Saudi blood money! And Paul is a shitty booker and a narcissistic meathead.

WWE is full of the dumbest, most vile, disgusting MAGA weirdos. Supporting them and HHH is like being a cheerleader for the Nazi JV team. Cena is a demented robot person, but he did all those make-a-wishes at least. He deserved better

I don’t know how this is going to play out, but the right wing waging war on multiple fronts against academia in general and the Ivy League in particular probably doesn’t have anything to do with tonight’s body count.

I’m obsessed with American movie musicals from 1977-1982. I was telling my wife how they’re all batshit crazy. The mistake I made was trying to show her Grease 2. She tapped out during the first number about two seconds after I said “That’s Adrian Zmed from TJ Hooker and Dance Fever.”

I don’t know what Weber’s Brand is but I do know the mailman is dropping off some horseradish mustard and something called hot green tomato piccalilli relish tomorrow. So those hot dogs in the freezer are in for a real surprise, I’ll tell you that much.

The YouTube algorithm is a double edged sword. Just because I watched 6 videos in a row on the Ramsey fake ransom note doesn't make me a true crime weirdo. I'm just trying to solve a cold case here.

The YouTube algorithm is a double edged sword. Just because I watched 6 videos in a row on the Ramsey fake ransom note doesn't make me a true crime weirdo. I'm just trying to solve a cold case here.

Mark Cuban has a money-induced traumatic brain injury, but what really makes me nuts are the meat riders in his replies pretending he’s the good billionaire. THERE ARE NO GOOD BILLIONAIRES

Mark Cuban has a money-induced traumatic brain injury, but what really makes me nuts are the meat riders in his replies pretending he’s the good billionaire. THERE ARE NO GOOD BILLIONAIRES

These are the perfect Falcons uniforms and the perfect Bucs uniforms. Why does the NFL keep fucking this up? Just make every team wear their best uniforms and cut the shit

Now's as good a time as any to say The Phantom Menace and all the prequels were garbage. Every non Taken Neeson action movie is a slog too. What does that leave us with? Rob Roy? Fuck that. Go do pullups with RJK JR, you dumb motherfucker.

I haven’t been to the H Mart in years, finally bit the bullet to get an industrial size jar of kimchi. I will no longer be scammed by the Small Kimchi Jar Industrial Complex. I get stronger every day.

I haven’t been to the H Mart in years, finally bit the bullet to get an industrial size jar of kimchi. I will no longer be scammed by the Small Kimchi Jar Industrial Complex. I get stronger every day.

Jimmy Fallon is the Pete Hegseth of late night hosts. Both are unqualified drunk pieces of shit with no morals an no spine pretending they're cool and willing to do anything for love they will never receive.

Nobody wants AI. We want Mexican Coke and McDonald’s to bring back the dollar menu. That’s it, you fucking pigs. Easy.

All I really want out of politics is a Democratic Party with the same energy as Stevie Nicks singing Silver Springs live in 1997 obliterating Lindsey Buckingham's soul.

Nobody wants AI. We want Mexican Coke and McDonald’s to bring back the dollar menu. That’s it, you fucking pigs. Easy.

Jimmy Fallon is the Pete Hegseth of late night hosts. Both are unqualified drunk pieces of shit with no morals an no spine pretending they're cool and willing to do anything for love they will never receive.

Eagles not beating the fully cooked allegations.

Heads up: if you buy herbal tea on the Internet the tea people will sell your info and your email will be full of messages from “The Wellness Truth Front” trying to sell you magic rocks that ward off covid and ADHD. I hate everything.

Sicko guy saying yes…YES

I keep thinking I need a cheap pair of Hi Tec hiking boots. Then I start to worry I’ll be retroactively considered a person of interest in the JonBenet Ramsey case.

The only guy I want to see cry like that is Aaron Rodgers. Maybe the Ravens can realize they’re not making the playoffs and snap his fibula in a way so brutal it makes Joe Theismann throw up. A little treat for the people.

Zach Ertz crying like Bruce Wayne after he saw his family murdered is probably not a good sign about the severity of his injury.

What Edgelord Alpha Lions Care Not About The Opinions Of Sheep dipshit designed those Jets uniforms? They suck shit