good morning from the river morning

EMERGENCY PODCAST recorded tonight and available now. You can listen to my panel of guests and I discuss the latest events by walking into the water. Keep walking even as it rises above your lips. Keep going, let the darkness envelop you. Do not struggle, just keep walking. Also we’re on patreon.

The best way to consume potato salad is out of the leftover tub, standing in front of the open fridge right before bed.

so jealous, one of the gals at the office went to manning park on saturday and met about 20 of these guys

LAID OFF!! BY MY SUNDAY JOB!!!

good morning greg has covid morning hahahahahaaaaa

Supergirl is good

Happy birthday to me and America! Mostly me though 😎

PORKALICIOUS DEFINITION MAKE THEM BOYS GO LOCO

Makes me feel good knowing ai does this and is also used in healthcare and national security.

The titular redemption is when the warden shoots himself. Everything else is mere Shawshank absolution

wife gone for the whole night so i'm misbehaving (watching game of thrones with the volume WAY up)

the way it's actually rly funny

that was 100% the worst day i've had here in twenty years, shit like this is why four dispatchers are dead

emergency lights just kicked out.

power went out at work an hour ago and i'm smoking darts & playing stupid phone games for a living now

ANOTHER dispatcher kicked last night, the fourth in ten years. next to go is either me or greg and as much as i'd like to die i wanna bury greg even more

two minutes of zen, except for the construction noise sorry

The Shining

bonne fête du canada tout le monde!

It is time to log on

Saw Supergirl and honestly liked it a lot. It gave me everything I expected. My wife and kids also enjoyed it. Haters can suck it.

homemade cream soda, anyone?

Anyway bird

sylvester stallone: rfhsh aostver pemaglbh erpgh

just saw supergirl and the critics can eat my poo

president deals

@carl.bsky.social 🥳

This is more inspirational than anything I've ever seen on Instagram

Last time I was given oxy I doordashed cheese fries and a gelato from the diner and asked the driver to stop at the gas station for cheese doodles and a cherry coke. I think I invented double dash

People keep asking me if I’m in the Supreme Court and I go no, I’m a flasher and I lift up my long black robes to expose my penis

They’re going to make Seth MacFarlane the voice of the AI and I already hate it so fucking much 😭 This is my DCC hill to die on

thanks google memories (sincerely)

kraft singles in your area

In my 20s I was obsessed with myself but as I’ve aged I’ve become more concerned with others. I like to follow them to their cars and see how long it takes them to fumble for their keys

People say homosexuality is unnatural and then get absolutely sopping wet over the stock market. Meanwhile other animals be fuckin whoever and don’t know shit about Dow Jones

When your wife walks in the house and hands you a kitten (one of yours though).

"what the fuck"

We have reincarnation at home

just successfully cancelled a gym membership, please clap

tell me 5 random things you love (that aren’t people or pets) coffee cigarettes (i'm almost 58 fuck it who cares) star trek chicken salad that feeling i had after leaving two NIN concerts where i figure i could have killed god

here i made you a thingo

Roses are red I like honey in my tea I’m starting a gofundme For a lobotomy

hello!

just a reminder that dit clapper is still alive if you even care

sitting down to dinner with my canadian family and taking a deep suck from the milk bag before passing it around the table

What have you done

they used to have two-pack-a-day michelle sitting across from me, eight straight hours of coughing and apologizing to the customers on the phone for the "little tickle" in her throat. thankfully she went blind in one eye and had to quit BUT