Not only will they fail to reevaluate their grasp on reality, but this will serve as further proof that the world is in the grasp of some multifaceted, but at the very least antisemitic, globalist conspiracy that starts in Hollywood.

Yesterday, WIRED learned that Madison Square Garden was suing us for our accurate reporting. We stand by our work. That’s why we’re removing the paywall from two of the MSG stories they don’t want you to read, making them free for everyone.

Retirement age should be when you start making involuntary noises as you pee

Penelope holding out against countless suitors because she only wants that Odussey

Crisis averted, that was pretty weak shit. We lucked out so bad that our wannabe dictator is a whiny baby boy who can’t even pretend to know how things work.

Have a few apps open on windows 11 (word, Firefox, PowerPoint, Adobe Acrobat) and my laptop is using a resting 12GB of RAM at all times. Wild times to use a computer.

Taco Bell is going to have their work cut out for them in getting their taco lettuce just the right amount of wilted and wet without compromising safety

This kind of shit is why I'll never quit tumblr

RENT (1996)

If you’re a teenager and reading this, I’m sorry for some of my posts, I didn’t know you could see those

Maybe changing US society from a metaphorical casino to a literal casino was a bad idea

Ate half a sleeve of saltines before work because both gender and mealtimes are constructs and nothing says a man can’t have girl dinner for breakfast

Ate half a sleeve of saltines before work because both gender and mealtimes are constructs and nothing says a man can’t have girl dinner for breakfast

Working in the public school system is supposed to turn you into a cold, tired-looking robot, this is putting the cart before the horse

On a date at a nice French restaurant, trying to impress her by making this seem routine for you, carefully and effortfully nailing the accent when you ask for a Monsieur Pibb

Maybe controversial but I actually prefer audiobooks in which the narrator doesn’t swing for an Oscar in every line of dialogue.

Sometimes I feel like I’m living in Twilight Zone

It is better to be thought stupid than to open your mouth as wide as you can and hold it like that as you go about your day, jaw strained, breathing through it, because then people will also think you’re weird. They’ll claim you’re being socially inappropriate but won’t be able to explain why

Opened the stall door with a green vacant indicator and there was a guy pooping in there. So many mental health and societal problems would simultaneously be solved if we could fairly redistribute anxiety from the haves to the have nots. Science must find a way. Speaking as someone in the 1%.

Washing a handful of Taco Bell lettuce down with a Panera Charged Lemonade because I want to blast off like a rocket

Just found out ground beef isn’t plant based, wtf

God sending down plagues until they free the 7-layer-burrito from retirement

Restaurant email says I need to come by because it’s national mac and cheese day. No it’s not. That’s not a holiday. You made that up to sell mac and cheese.

All food should have a Best By date and also a Won’t Make You Sick Yet But You’re Pushing It by date

Playing the Dead Space remake and finally understanding why publishing companies never create original IP anymore. It’s because all the good games have been made already. They ran out in like 2010.

Given that Trump 2.0 has, at least attempted to, blow through every constitutional red line, I’m very concerned that this is less his usual bluster and more likely than ever to be an attempt to directly control federal elections.

Cosplay is so expensive, I just spent $15 on fresh herbs because I’m going to have to cook in front of people

Shh everyone the strait is sleeping

Article finder for the weather channel surfing the internet, completely baked:

No! I am the one who blocks.

“Today in Space Civics 3000, we’re holo-cortical reading about US Senator Lindsey Graham, who did something. What was that something? No one really knows much beyond this news clip salvaged from the few remaining records of the old world. But he was clearly venerated.”

A man can’t live on bread alone. Chocolate-covered Oreos, however

this is why "and you're surprised?" is one of the top 5 most infuriating online responses to sharing upsetting news. surprise is not the only emotion, and it's not the only factor that makes something worth drawing attention to. it's weird to pretend being blasé about horror equals moral superiority

Most annoying thing is when people say “riddle me this” and then ask a regular question

No one’s ever won a war against Iran this many times. They said don’t do it. Don’t attack Iran, you can’t win. I said, the US can’t beat Iran? We’re the US. The US has never lost a war. We used to be weak. We were weak for awhile. Not anymore. Our military is the most powerful since, maybe ever.

“Thank you all for tuning in to tonight’s debate. Before our non-partisan dick measures come on stage, we’d like to ask both candidates a preliminary question: does your back yard have a shed?”

Some people are simply intimidated by a beautiful woman who wants $500 in VISA gift cards

I think the problem with the Rock is that the Rock still thinks he’s really cool while John Cena realized that he’s a ridiculous human being and did interesting things with that and Batista realized he was a ridiculous human being and decided to become Daniel Day Louis

1) Mitch McConnell reportedly dead 2) Lindsey Graham dies suddenly 3) Mitch McConnell suddenly alive I’m not saying anything, and don’t believe in dark magic, just making observations

“Mitch needs your adrenochrome”

McConnell, Graham, we’re losing main characters now. Maybe it’s almost over.

People: we need to be able to afford medicine and the hospital RFK Jr, chewing on a gazelle: The FDA will no longer suppress the sun

(walking into the robot store) you got anything makes a handjob more embarrassing?

I’ve always considered myself a sommelier of frappucinos. “This one has notes of s’mores” and so on

19th century Ryan Grim: Based on the orderly nature of the stab wounds, “the ripper” is a highly inaccurate name. Its journalistic malpractice to not give “Jack” credit for minimizing suffering and killing painlessly 19th century Michael Tracey: I think these bitches alive 💯

The brain worm’s master plan is underway. It is too late to stop him now.

Note to self

I’d block too, imagine getting in an internet squabble and this dude shows up at the Home Depot