Me the two times I cooked things with meat in for exes: gloves, pack of pre-prepared meat I just had to open and dump in a pan, still opened at arms length with a 🤢 expression Me with my partners dog: hand feeding her cooked chicken and cooing lovingly

The Thing (1982, John Carpenter)

Now to spend my dinner time telling the dog it isn't her dinner. She doesn't find me very convincing.

I have the dog creature again and although she looks adorable and innocent her farts are fucking lethal tonight. May actually die from gas poisoning.

After 2 weeks of wfh and looking after my partner's dog while they're in hospital, I'll be back in the office Monday and I'm going to have to stop myself from saying "Did you have a nice horfle?" in an upbeat voice to coworkers when they finish their lunch.

Made the mistake of starting to scritch the dog. A mistake because the only acceptable time to stop according to her is "never". Ah well. This is my life now. *scritchscritchscritch*

actually unreal how funny this image is

Been giving the dog 'duck bites' as a treat, which obviously means I've been singing DuckTales to her. But now she recognises 'duck' so I jokingly sang "🎵 Fuck tales 🎵" and got struck with the horrifying realisation that there probably is a porno version called that.

I have a dog asleep on my foot, which is sending my foot to sleep

I joined 25 days after Ao3 started. It's been a great 16 years.

Oh thank fuck 🫠 Shout out to @hexthervvv.bsky.social for helping me with the social calendar hints/talking me off the ledge 😂 #HiddenBooksGame

Does anyone have a hint for either the mug or the social calendar in #hiddenbookgame? @nationalbooktokens.bsky.social My last two, I only screamed a couple of times this year 👍👍

HIDDEN BOOK GAME! @nationalbooktokens.bsky.social Hidden book game klaxon, this is not a drill!!

Happy "let's explode a whale carcass with a half ton of dynamite" day! It's the 55th anniversary. youtu.be/V6CLumsir34?...

writing it "f*ck" sickens me. a coward's curse. say fuck or find a different word. get that nasty starfish asshole out of my sight

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

I do know that it stands for 'non-contracted source' on our procurement software but I've been on Ao3 too long not to get jumpscared by NONCON every time.

Got these new trainers today but I can't get it out of my head that they look like fuckin DC Tosh Lines from The Bill

Got advertised a cleaning motivation app for neurodivergent folk and then wasn't motivated enough to finish the initial questionnaire. Target audience achieved and then lost.

I need you to understand that however bad you think it's going to be before they start playing - it's so much worse.

Eeesh 😬 Listening to the Dr Gwen Adshead Reith lectures on violence and she says you're most likely to be killed by the person you're sleeping with - "so be nice to them when you go home tonight" Incredibly tone deaf attempt at a joke.

“”AI” is a failed technology. … LLMs haven’t met any markers of success we’d apply to, well, literally any other technology.” Great article by Ethan Marcotte @ethanmarcotte.com ethanmarcotte.com/wrote/agains...

IT IS TIME FOR BLUESKY RECIPE POSTING do you have a cheap, healthy, low-cost recipe? post it here! or quote tweet this post. or dunk on me for something I don't care just post easy meals that people can make right now.

VP Cheney will be honoured with a 21 gun salute accidentally aimed directly at 21 of his friends

Woop woop!! Dick Cheney died!!

I really need to watch The Pitt. This has nothing to do with the fact noah wyle looks remarkably like my partner here.

Can anyone more technologically advanced than me explain how a dude is able to regularly get new numbers to text me with? I've blocked him at least 5 times now.

Happy Halloween to cunty pumpkin spice and to them alone.

Plethora would be a beautiful name for quite a lot of things actually

Hon hon hon joyeaux ween de hallo

Normally I estimate myself to be reasonably intelligent and then I do something like finally learn that Korea is not, in fact, an island and that estimation plummets sharply.

The effort to make us forget that Covid forced governments round the world to take fast, effective steps for the collective good is probably greater by this point that the efforts taken to contain Covid. America *ended child poverty*, then voted to reinstate it because it was off message.

Always remember, folks:

Lifetime achievement unlocked! And very deserved.

It is done! I knit a budget sweater for the first 7 years of the Textile Makerspace. One row in bright red, full circumference is $2k. Black lines are year dividers. The sleeves are paid student labor, with hours worked in brown. Sleeve on left is color coded by pronouns, right by gender. #DHmakes

thinking about potato house this halloween

Happy Samhain, Allantide, Hop-tu-Naa one and all. "On the day of dead, when the year too dies"

Watched some criminal minds beyond borders last night. Like a lot of US shows they obviously wanted to show americans being the bestest smartest most special cops and catch the bad guys. But this clashed with settings where they have no jurisdiction or ability to arrest anyone.

Someone came up to me in the lobby as I leaving work to ask if this was the local library. Now not only do you have to pass a large illuminated sign to get inside that informs you this is a uni school, but there is a quite obvious, even ostentatious lack of books in the lobby.

Ok, so this *IS* my circus but you have to believe me, those are not my monkeys. My monkeys were subtly different.

Do you have a comfort audio* and, if so, how many times have you listened to it? a) 1 to 10 b) 10 to 20 c) 20+ / lost count / a normal amount *as in audiobook/spoken word, not music. Mine is Tuesday Club Murders & Blue Geranium, Agatha Christie, read by Joan Hickson.

Guess who forgot to bloody sign up for Yuletide 😭

Don't remember being off school the 2 times my family went to Glastonbury but must have been. Went in 1990 so we got the riots, which was entertainment we didn't expect 😂

my pumkin he is everything

I mean, see how mean I look

I'm a 10. Obviously.

Our feature artist/tutorial for today is this WONDERFUL & ESSENTIAL page on the placement of BODY FAT on figures by the talented @marinscos! REAL BODY SHAPE VARIETY is a part of what makes us all beautiful, and that should be reflected in our art. I LOVE this. #ART #anime #ARTIST

When government inaction is actually government in action: 𝗛𝗲𝗿 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝘂𝘀𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗱𝗿𝘂𝗴 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗱 𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗵𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 https://bit.ly/4o3Q6w5 📸: Henry Griffin You've heard of "move fast and break things"? #womeninstem 1/6