why don’t they make medicine for when your heart hurts so much it feels like you’re dying for three weeks straight

“Can I pick your brain?” If it were up to me, I’d let you have it but I’m using it right now (hard to tell, I know)

my productivity plan for all this darkness is to take a million naps

Let the comfort eating commence

Constantly victimized by the sun shining directly on a lone chin hair while I’m driving.

Kendrick Lamar ft. Joyce Carol Oates "Not Like Us REMIX"

You're at Guns. I need you at Roses.

yes, tell em king

It’s not that we didn’t want the shutdown to end, it’s the fact that millions of people suffered throughout this shutdown and it was for nothing. That’s the most upsetting part.

Fucking losers

Failed the Rory Gilmore reading challenge… but she read a lot of boring shit tbh

In the most predictable development ever, Mike Johnson is not committing to hold a House vote on ACA subsidies

Black American soldiers literally dug these WWII graves. Traumatic. To acknowledge that fact at a cemetery they helped construct is something the Heritage Foundation cannot accept. As Veterans Day approaches, never forget that this country both compels and disrespects Black military service. Always.

lol she got his ass and he knows it

If the pope ever upsets me, he is going to regret it so hard when I take to the internet and refer to him as The Poop.

was it my way, it was my way wasn’t it

For those not up on aviation lingo, a "ground stop" is when you're grinding on that special person and there's a knock at the door.

Don’t worry guys they’ve got a plan to dig up John McCain’s thumb

Kyle Kingsbury is not a journalist. He is not an op-ed writer. He is a computer safety researcher. And he has written one of the most compelling, comprehensive accounts of the ongoing hell in Chicago that you could possibly imagine. In under 1600 words. aphyr.com/posts/397-i-...

leaving a trail of stock options to lead senate dems onto the ice floe and then sending them out to sea

I just want someone to buy me a tiara and tell me my coffee breath smells fine

Chuck Schumer has a poster of Lucy pulling the football away at the last second while Charlie Brown misses again as inspiration for everything he does.

“We are at a moment right now where people are asking themselves why can’t the Democratic Party defend this assault on democracy . . . and I would submit to you that if you can’t draw the line at genocide, you probably can’t draw the line at democracy.” -Ta-Nehisi Coates

mixing things up a bit and throwing a volcano into a virgin

DONALD TRUMP: [asleep, drooling on long red tie] SENATE DEMOCRATS: fine, we give in

Today's inspiration

Chuck Schumer when we need him to bring his “A” game:

More Senate Democrats folded to let Trump gut our healthcare than House Republicans folded to release the Epstein files. This is example of why we can't have nice things.

The American People: “Chuck Schumer, we have provided you with all the leverage you need to win this shutdown fight, once and for all.” Chuck Schumer *flushing the leverage down the toilet*: “What?”

Love when my apt complex does the whole “sprinkler inspection” thing during the time of year when my depression and ptsd are at peak levels. It forces me to tidy up which then leads to me feeling slightly better. I’d still rather be sleeping though.

The vibes on here tonight

I'm never at my best this early in the millennium.

Everything I know about Sydney Sweeney is against my will.

started from the bottom, now we here (a new bottom)

Maybe the workplace deserved to be ruined by women. Maybe it had it coming.

I'm normally pretty open-minded about sex, but I draw the line at anything even remotely involving a Republican.

youtu.be/R3tigF4RybI Just going to leave this here if you’re wondering how the billionaires who funded Trump think

So it turns out... the US air travel system was incredibly, deeply dependent on federal funding to just run day-to-day all this time, to the benefit of private airline shareholders, when everyone thinks that state-run trains are leeching off the government. Weird!

Tech guys six months ago: haha yes we’re cutting all this WASTEFUL spending by eliminating medical research and USAID Tech guys now: yes I think taxpayers will be excited to bailout my non consensual pornography machine

just having fun with this thing now

Ive been seeing this thing called “No Nut November,” and I just want to say “good luck” to whoever’s enforcing that. They’ll have to wrestle my cashews out of my cold, wrinkled hands.

Everything sucks so here is my dog eating ramen. 🍜

AI companies: The future of humanoid robots is here Humanoid robot:

Ok, so I know robots don’t have emotions but I do find it alarming that people instantly want to abuse them? Idk Also… this thing is creepy AF, please kept it far the fuck away from me. youtu.be/zBCu8HmXoRo

We all know that Trump has criminally low levels of self awareness, but nothing highlights that more than him trying to insult fat people as if he’s not one. That orange bumblefuck enters every room tiddies first.

I was hoping whatever was bursting out of the guy's chest in Alien would be something nice

Me, flirting:

BlueSky shoutout on Abbot Elementary!