Screaming into the void for cardio

There was a cop in my breezeway looking for my neighbor (again). He immediately was rude to me and started asking me questions. I was wondering what his problem was but then realized I was wearing a giant “FUCK ICE” tshirt. That may have been part of it…

A story I love about Anthony Stewart Head. Thank you to this person for sharing it on Tumblr. What a mensch.

Maple syrup is amazing because it’s just a socially acceptable way to drench a full plate of food in sugar water. Outstanding work Canada.

Oh man, this one really hurts. Thank you for Giles, and then for decades of playing oily bastards who were nothing like Giles and clearly having a ball with that. www.bbc.com/news/article...

damn girl are you a data center because you sure look like you need some water

White Baby Boomers be like: “So there I was, married by 20, my brain a full 6-8 years from full maturity. See, things were different back then, kiddo. Paid my whole college tuition and housing using money from my summer job at the town pop shop. Nowadays, you kids have everything handed to you.”

the Bloomberg Soda Tax of urbanism. dumb bullshit that makes people hate their governments for absolutely no real benefit whatsoever because it's the stupidest possible way to go about fixing an actual problem

I see people are talking about speed limiters as a viable tech in America and everything else aside: I need you all to realize that we destroyed civil society because Applebee's was closed for a few weeks in some states during a deadly pandemic. I don't think we're getting speed limiters

One of the smaller pleasures in life when you’re traveling is going to a nice restaurant by yourself and eating a meal at the bar.

Friday morning, another day to log on to Bluesky and post about Graham Platner. Let’s get after it.

4 shots of espresso, down my gullet

The grim reaper is edging us

Weird how I get bad vibes from everyone who doesn't like me

AOC: This is what I want people to understand: this is our money. When you pay your taxes, that money is being stolen to pay for a vanity project like a ballroom or whatever it is that this guy wants to do, instead of what it should be used for…

I tell my dog I love her and that she is the best dog in all the land about 737 times per day. It’s not enough.

Just saw an ad with Tom Brady for Nutella, Kinder Chocolate, Nestle Crunch, and Butterfinger. They include him clearly fake biting a chocolate bar. That man has never eaten a strawberry… I do not believe that he’s eaten any of these in his entire life.

Actionable: Tony Apanovitch was on death row for 30 years, new dna evidence exonerated him. Two years later the Supreme Court sent him back to death row, not because of new evidence, but because the paperwork wasn’t processed properly. Sign the petition, help an innocent man beat a corrupt system

seeking men with this energy

Being furious with someone while also having deep empathy for them and understanding why they are behaving the way they are is such a weird combination of emotions to hold all at once.

I 100% will be ugly sobbing at the Noah Kahan concert

[handing my credit card to the kid behind the ice cream bar] keep it open

waiting for further confirmation, but the blue checkmark & american flag in the handle have me feeling convinced that it’s been fact checked by true patriots

Not without buying me a nice dinner first.

google memories gets me

A new fun game I made up is how to pay off a credit card as quickly as possible and I am very bad at this game. Considering selling feet pics, tbd.

Josephine Baker showing the world the absolute best way of being when you're 67 years old

👇🏽 🎯

Pouring one out for Scott Pelley of 60 Minutes tonight. Respect to everyone who speaks truth to power and is willing to accept the consequences.

The song goes out to Scott Pelley, who just got fired by CBS News for telling off his boss Bari Weiss. youtu.be/MfmYCM4CS8o?...

First day on the job and you want respect? Go right up to the most recognizable and respected guy in the newsroom and have him yell at you until you cry. Then it's time to send him a weepy email telling him how disappointed you were that he did all that. Shouldn't have any trouble after that.

Truuuue 🌭

BREAKING: Blue Origin's New Glenn blows up at Launch Complex-36 while attempting to static fire.

me: changes the light fixtures in my house to energy efficient LED lightbulbs Jeff Bezos:

"Those are the shorts of a man who has had intercourse with a lady" [derogatory]

This is pretty much all you need to know about Vanilla Ice.

I have main character syndrome sometimes but it’s mostly because people treat me like I am the main character wherever I go.

Dealbreakers for me include most of the things people do and/or say.

Whoever is keeping Trump and Mitch McConnell alive needs to take a really long smoke break or something. Jesus fucking Christ. Let them walk into the light!

The aroma of onions caramelizing 😍

Holy shit, Trump is really crashing out. His latest unhinged screed: “We should have a giant MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN RALLY, for 250, instead of having overpriced singers, who nobody wants to hear, whose music is boring, and yet who do nothing but complain. Cancel it.”

We need to stop worrying about cognitive test for Trump. We need to study why an entire party of Senators and Congressmen with degrees from highly touted universities followed a morally bankrupt, mentally ill man with below average intelligence off a cliff taking the entire country with them.

Let’s be more like South Korea and impeach, convict and jail our president too

New nails 💅🏻

It’s been a while since a comedian has made me belly laugh, but Maggie Naughton accomplished that. She’s in exactly the right profession.

Honored to be a guest performer! 🇺🇸 Celebrating the 250th birthday of the United States! @brucespringsteen.net 💥🎶💫 ~ KMo’

We should legally be allowed to follow litterers home to dump garbage on their living room floor to see how they like it

The Taco Bell I ate tonight was medicinal

America’s Next Top Dog Model

Watching a medical show and shouting “START THE SEPSIS PROTOCOL” when I hear the patient’s symptoms. (I was right)